Jess asked me to write a diary kind of thing, so here I am, just writing down my thoughts. I honestly don't know what to write. I don't even understand how writing down my feelings will help me overcome my anxiety but Jess is a professional so I'll trust her on this one.
I should probably write about my anxiety or my day or something but to be honest, I don't want to do that.
Jess said I have to be honest with myself in this so I'll try. I guess to get used to writing I could write about music? Well it's my journal so I guess I can write whatever I want.
I've been listening to a lot of alternative music recently. One of the things I love about the alternative genre is it is for anyone. Pop/punk/rock/metal music says the same thing, but there still is that image of not giving a fuck and having to be unique, I don't like that - I don't to be unique, I don't want people to stop and stare, I want people to leave me alone, to ignore my existence when I walk past. I feel like alternative music gives you that, which is nice.
It's weird to think I have anxiety and just want to dissappear, considering I have a YouTube channel and post videos on it. People don't realise that with YouTube I can just re-film anything I'm not happy with, I don't just get a second chance, but a third and fourth or however many I need. You don't get that in real life. That's why real life is scary, if you stuff up you can't undo it, you can't go back you're stuck with thise mistakes and that is terrifying.
I think this is goid enough for a first entry. I went deeper than I thought that I would, so that's something. I'm glad no one else will read this, it would be weird if they did.
Brooklyn xx
•••
Everyone makes mistakes, no one is perfect, but out of everyone you are the closest to it xx
A/N this is so short but it needs to be (all chapters will be), as these are diary enrties and most people don't write 5 pages on their day, ya feel. The text after the ••• thing is what Calum wrote on the entry.
Peace out xx
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Sweater Paws || Calum Hood
FanficLife has no second chances. Life has no undo button. That terrifies me.
