Chapter 56

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"Her eyes gave her away. There was a drowning girl behind that smile."
~Atticus

New Years' Eve...

I never got a chance to talk to Will after storytime the day of his dad's funeral. For the next few months, Will and I saw each other periodically. When we were around others, we'd joke and share laughs and smile at each other like nothing ever happened between us. Then, the moment he was alone with me, Will would find some excuse to leave.

That became much more difficult for him when Queen Lillian hired me to organize the New Years' Eve Party.

I was at the palace nearly every day, sketching my vision of the courtyard and what the party would entail. Will joined me on a few occasions to see what it looked like, but only when my assistant (which Mrs. Trifle generously gave me) sat with me, which meant he wasn't alone with me.

Finally, on the day of the party, Will made the mistake of entering Everly's bedroom while I was there alone. She was with Mark and Reid at a doctor's appointment. I hid myself in her room to escape being hounded by employees while I emailed some of my other clients.

"Have you seen Everly?" Will asked, scanning the room.

"She's at a doctor's. I'm hiding here for a bit before heading back to my apartment. Can I talk to you for a sec?"

"Is it about the party?"

"No. Something else."

"Unless it's for the party, I really-"

"William Oliver Ward, you're going to talk to me, and you're going to talk to me now." Will appeared taken aback by my outburst. To be honest, I was too, but I was done with him avoiding me.

Hesitantly, Will shut the door. "What's on your mind?"

I'd gone over every possible way to start this conversation for the day it actually happened, but now, with Will standing in front of me, all those beginning sentences fled my mind. Instead, I blurted out, "Where do I stand with you?"

Will frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I mean how you keep avoiding me!" I exclaimed, exasperated. "For a year, you called and texted and begged me to forgive you and to come back into your life, and now that I do, it's like you want nothing to do with me, and I can't do this again, Will. I can't open myself back up to you when you're going to shut me out and act like I don't exist!"

 I can't open myself back up to you when you're going to shut me out and act like I don't exist!"

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"Annalise, I swear I want you in my life, I do, but I can't do it right now. I can't-"

"Why not?!" My eyes stung, and I blinked by the tears so desperate to fall. All the pent up anger I'd pushed down over the last year suddenly bubbled to the surface, and it was taking every ounce of my self-control not to absolutely lose it on him.

Will's face fell at the sight of me. "Anna, I love having you back in my life right now, but I have to keep you at arm's length because of the things that happen to people I'm close to."

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