Imposterism | KTH

Salad

02

It was comical how his mouth fell open, hand froze midway from his mouth. I took a celebratory sip of wine to hide my smug grin. It was fun to see his mask crack.

"I'm sorry." He finally put the fork down, without taking the bite. "But my father has nothing to do with this. He doesn't even know about the rumors, and he sure as hell doesn't know about me inviting you for dinner."

Either he is really good at acting or he is telling the truth. I wasn't really sure, so I kept my guard up. "Well, now you know why I accepted your invite."

He licked his lips, frowning at me. I didn't give a damn and downed the entire glass of wine.

"You really don't remember?" His large, puppy eyes searched into mine for a hint of recognition.

"Remember what, exactly?"

He sighed. My attention went to the pearl earring, dangling from his ear. It seemed familiar. It could be categorized as a very feminine piece of jewelry, but he was pulling it off perfectly. He pushed back his bangs and I paid more attention to his face. It was also familiar. Too familiar. And before I could shove them away, some blurred memories from the party came back to me.

I had puked three times and sat shivering in the bathroom, hugging my knees to chest; every glued piece fell apart, flushed into the gutter. The tears weren't stopping, the air wasn't getting into my lungs. I tried to breathe harder, but it felt like someone was smothering me.

There was a faint voice in the background saying something to me, but I couldn't comprehend a word. I kept focusing on breathing. My sweaty palms tightly held my body together. Breathe. In and out. In and out.

"Can you hear me?"
Yes.
My tongue refused to form words. I buried my head in between my knees. Breathe.

"You're safe here, alright?" It went on. "You can stay as long as you want. You don't have to go down there. You'll be safe here. Take your time and breathe."

This will pass. It will pass in a minute.

I didn't know how long it took for my body to stop trembling, but I know he sat there offering me assurance that I was going to get through. Once my breath returned to normal, I loosened my hands and lifted my head to see his face. There it was, a large pearl, the shape of a water drop, dangling from his ear.

Back on the hotel terrace, eyes about to pop out of my skull, "Shit." I muttered.

My mask was ripped off and I was naked.

I wanted to wipe that soft smile off his face but I had no comeback. He saw me at such a vulnerable moment, how do I recover from that? There was a turmoil inside of me, he could read it off my face. The way his smile faded to make way for concern. Or should I say pity? I was disgusted with myself.

"Sorry, I don't want to make you uncomfortable." He poured more wine in my glass. I didn't realize I'd chugged it down. "I really do admire you as an actress. Heechan, your character, in the movie, Stigma, was an inspiration for my artworks last year."

I could only frown. My lips opened and closed like a fish. No words come out. How do you talk to a handsome stranger who has seen you have an anxiety attack?

At the end, I knew I had to say something. "Thanks, I guess."

He licked his lips. I averted my eyes to the city. It was beautiful from my elevated seating, perfect buildings, perfect homes. There was no telling how broken the insides could be from up here, the cracks in their perfectly built life.