Right here, Right now

Chapter 13

I wake up to Hannah's alarm at 7am. I groan and pull myself out of bed. I did'nt have a great nights sleep at all. Wether it was because the matress was virtually just springs or I had dreams about Finn- bad ones. I had kept telling myself that Finn never loved me, I had started to self-harm in my dream and it got to a point were i couldnt control myself. That was when the alarm went off and woke me up. Han woke up as I started to scroll through twitter. 'You're a terrible person'. 'How could you do this to Lauren, she is so innocent and beautiful yet you throw everyhting away'. Tears filled up in my eyes as I scrolled through Finn's twitter page. Soon enough I was having a panic attack. I did'nt have panic attacks in America and i don't really know why. That made this my first panic attack without Jack or Finn by my side. Han suffered of anxiety too so she calmed me down quite quick. "Everyone's hating on Finn and it all my fault" I said in a moaney voice. I could'nt help but feel it was all my fault because if I was'nt dating Finn in the first place he would'nt have been accused of cheating because Caitlin would have been his only girlfriend. I still loved Finn- a lot- but whenever he tries to talk to me I just can't, it kills me to not have Finn beside me but I am still in shock. I mean i doubt it he did cheat but what about that picture. it said it was taken 5 days ago and phones don't and can't lie. 

I put some music on to cheer myself up. I made a playlist out of the 5SOS, One Direction and Taylor Swift albums. I walked over to my suitcase and threw on a TMNT muscle tank, black ripped skiny jeans and a leather jacket. I slipped on my trainers and wheeled my suitcase to the room where Jack and Finn slept. I dreaded walking into the room when Finn is there. It would be so awkward and I know some drama would kick up. I knock on the door and Jack opens it. "Hi Jack, can I just pack the rest of my things?" he nodds and steps out of the way so I come in. Finn was sitting on the bed and I stared for a moment. It just bought back memories and a tear rolled down my cheek. I walked over to the wardrobe and pack my clothes and what I had bought. I also packed my cabin luggage. I packed my phone, Ipod, macbook, a few books and magazines along with some earphones to listen to music as the flight would be a bit silent as me and Finn are sharing the couple compartment. Finn grabs my wrist as I leave "look Finn, we will talk about it on the plane". Finn let my wrist go and I continued walking back to the hotel room I was staying in. "You took your time did'nt you" Han said with her hand on her hip. i laugh and explain what happened. I guess you could say we are still a couple because we have'nt actually broken up yet but I dread when and if we do break up. Putting my bags down by the door, I grabbed my phone and slid it into my black and white backpack. 

Me and Hannah left the room to go to lunch. We met everyone else in the lobby including Finn. We are at least civil to each other as we have no reason no to be but we were still tense so we sat the other end of the table and did'nt make big conversation. Lunch was great but after we all had to cram into a minibus to go to the airport. We were already quite late so we rushed to the terminal just as the last call came. 

This was it, the moment were we could make or brake. I really wanted everything to be better, I would be happy to forgive him anyway. I sat down and got comfortable, I gave my bag to Finn to put up in the over head compartment. He sat down next to me and settled in. I put my earphines in until we took off. "Babe" I turned to finn "Caitlin lied, she did this with my past relationship and it ruined us. I really don't want it to ruin us. the photo was screenshotted. Lauren Abi Kennedy, I love you to the moon and back, more than I can describe. I hope you feel the same and we can move on from this because I know together we are strong" what Finn just said made my mind up, he had shown me he still loved me and I realised I could never stop loving him. "Finnegan Frayn Harries, I love you to death and will never stop" he smiled and pulled me into him sharing a heated kiss and we pulled back all the youtubers cheered. I really loved this guy.