Room 13 (Kaylor)

Chapter Four.

A/N: Hey guys! hope you're all well, this chapter is brought to you by 'Oh my god she finally said it!'

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Arriving back home in her apartment after work without Joe there is almost like a breath of fresh air, and Taylor feels horrible for thinking that way, but she's just so glad to get away from Nashville, away from her parents and away from that house across the road, so glad that she doesn't have to pretend to put on a smile and a happy persona, that she's safe to just be herself in her own goddamn home that she finds herself immediately rushing to the balcony the second she walks through the doors, her hand fishing through her purse for her cigarettes as she does.

She pulls one out of the pack and immediately lights it, drawing in a deep, shuddering breath and sighing in relief when the nicotine hits her brain, making her feel incredibly lightheaded. She sinks to the ground against the glass doors and just cries, and cries. She hasn't cried in her own house in so long, it felt good, it felt needed.

She can't believe she had been forced to face those memories again. The ones she had pushed down so far she hardly remembered them, the ones she had used Joe to help forget. She's in no way proud of this, but she wouldn't wish these memories on her worst enemy.

She's so tired of hiding all of this, so tired of keeping it in, but Taylor has no choice. She has an image to uphold, a reputation that had already been ruined once. She couldn't go through all that again. So she would tough it out, she wouldn't become her own person, but rather a product. She'll just smile and wave, she'll be a good girl.

You could always tell Karlie...

The thought of the tall beauty caused her heart to immediately begin pounding against her chest wildly, teeth gnawing at her bottom lip anxiously as she gazes out at the setting sun over the New York City skyline.

God, if Karlie were to ever find out...well, it's pathetic, isn't it? She'd more than likely tell her to grow a pair, suck it up, and tell her to tell her boss to go fuck himself. Tell the neighbors in Nashville to shut up and mind their business. Who the hell has ever heard of a thirty year old woman being dictated by an old man? Taylor's embarrassed about it, finds herself blinking back tears as she rolls her sleeves up and lets out a shaky breath.

It's frustrating, but what the hell else can she do? she's been a torture with thoughts of them for years, tortured with thoughts of people like them, at this point, it's become normal. and what exactly can Karlie do for her? the damage is done, there's nothing more that can be said to fix or change it...Karlie can't wave a magic wand and change her whole life with a couple of therapy sessions and a few encouraging words.

She's weak. She has been from day one, and god, Taylor hates to admit it, but it's the goddamn truth. She's useless, and as much as Karlie had told her she was in control, she's not. Her entire life has been about her following orders to make other people happy, obeying like a good little girl, 'do this, Taylor, do that, Taylor, don't disappoint us, Taylor'...she's never been good enough.

And no amount of therapy sessions is going to change that.

But she's not taking these sessions to wail and whine to Karlie about her past, to cry about her situation and pity herself for it, she's here to make sure her future doesn't involve spending the rest of her life wallowing in a depression that she can't even begin to understand. She wants to just get to the root of the problem, find a way to get over it so she can move on with her life and get married to Joe...make her parents happy once and for the media to just finally stop vilifying her.