Bring The Rain

Chapter 5

Javier has been nice to me all weekend, too nice, I knew this was the calm before the storm. He does this whenever he wants to back out of a commitment he's made to me and immediately after he's hit or beat me. He is extra nice when he tells me I can see my family and friends or attend an event but when it's time for me to leave he becomes evil and tells me I don't need to go out and he should be all that I need. He has a way of twisting the situation and making it all my fault. 
   In the past we would fight and argue about things like this but once he started hitting me I started to lose my ability to stand up for myself. I still remember the first time he hit me; I wanted to visit my family for Thanksgiving, I made my special apple pie recipe and my bag was packed. Thanksgiving morning Javier takes my keys and tells me that I was a terrible girlfriend for wanting to leave him on a holiday. I had offered to take him with me, all week I begged him to ride along, it was only an hour drive and we would be back the next day but Javier said he couldn't make it. I tried to take my keys away from him, he had lost his mind if he thought I was spending the holiday season without my family. He refused to give me the keys and took my phone in the process, standing in front of the door  I had no way to get past him. I remember I called him an asshole and shoved him while trying to get out of the door. The next thing I knew his hand was coming down on my cheek, an open handed smack so hard that it sent me to the ground. 
   I was stunned, sure we argued, and lately it was a lot more than usual, but he had never hit me. I layed on the ground dazed for a moment. I could hear Javier standing over me screaming that this was all my fault and that I made him do this. I had never been one to start trouble but no one was to ever put their hands on me. Maybe I shouldn't have shoved him but in my mind he deserved it and this situation was his fault not mine. Coming back to my senses I jumped to my feet, Javier was still yelling about what I'd made him do and if I would just listen he wouldn't have to do this. I had heard enough I screamed in his face telling him I was leaving whether he liked it or not and I wouldn't be coming back. That sent him over the edge, he refused to let me leave and his hands were around my neck before I realized it, no way I was letting this man think he could slap me AND choke me! His arms were longer than mine so there was no way of hitting his face while he had my neck tightly gripped at arms length. The only option I had was to kick him and I did, stupid me I should have aimed for his dick but I kicked too low and hit him in his thigh. The pain was enough to force him  to let me go but what it really did was anger him even more.
   What happened after that isn't clear in my head but I remember going toe to toe with this grown man who claimed he loved me. I tried to punch and kick my way out of there but Javier was clearly stronger than me, I remember the punches that connected with my eye and stomach. This trifling motha fucka had me on the ground and like the weak man he is, he began to kick me in my legs, back and then my stomach. I blacked out and later woke up in Javier's arms. I was bruised and sore and he was crying thinking that he had killed me. As happy as he claimed to be that I was alive he refused to take me to a hospital or let me leave the apartment for days.
   I told my parents that something came up and that I couldn't come home for the holidays. They were furious, not only did I disobey them by leaving and moving in with Javier the second I turned eighteen but I was also barely speaking to them, now I wouldn't even see them for Thanksgiving. This was the final straw, my father had put up with all he could, he told me never to call him again unless I was done with Javier. My mother was slightly more sympathetic and said that she would be praying for me but made it clear that I needed to come home immediately and get away from Javier; God, how I wish that I could do just that. I wanted to tell them that I needed to be with them more than anything but Javier had cut off my contact with my family, if I dared to disobey him he said he would kill me. And after that night I believed that he would.
   Two days after the assault I got what I thought was my normal period but the bleeding was so much heavier and seemed like it wasn't going to stop. I told Javier I needed to go to the emergency room and after five more days of pleading with him he finally gave me my keys back and told me to take myself but he had better things to do so he wouldn't be going with me.
   At the hospital I made up excuses for the bruises saying that I was attacked by a group of girls. They didn't even bother to question me, a black girl saying she had been jumped sounded like a believable excuse. They ran blood work and different tests and finally the doctor came in and told me the worst news that I'd ever hear in my life. The bleeding was from a miscarriage, I was probably less than two months pregnant and I lost my baby. The doctor said that the cause could have been hormonal and they couldn't say for sure if the assault caused it because it happened a week ago. It didn't matter what they said to me, Javier kicked me in my stomach as I lay on the ground almost lifeless, I knew it had to be his fault and I would never forgive him for it.
   Once I left the hospital I was so upset I couldn't think straight. I couldn't go home to my parents, they never liked Javier and they weren't even speaking to me at the time because I wouldn't show up for Thanksgiving and didn't bother to contact them after they begged me to come home. I know they were just worried and thought I was being extremely selfish but the truth was that Javier wouldn't give me my phone or anyway to contact them. I had just started school and had quit my job, I had no savings and nowhere to go.
   I had no idea how I was going to get away from Javier but I did the only thing I could think of, I went to planned parenthood. I didn't tell them my full situation but I asked for help and they were able to give me a birth control shot that day. It lasted for three months and they were willing to work with me so that I could return and get my shots regularly. Javier would give me money for school, groceries, and gas but that was about it. I would purposely buy the cheaper products when grocery shopping and I wouldn't get all the books I needed, instead I would find them at libraries and use those. I saved up a little bit of money from this and prayed that it would be enough to help me get out of there and pay for the birth control shots. I wasn't able to save much but the shots were only $25 so at the very least I would never have to go through the pain of losing a child again.  
   I had an appointment on Monday morning to get another shot and I managed to get two interviews scheduled after that. I used my phone to go online while Javier slept or went out with his friends. I applied to as many jobs as I could praying for a response. Tomorrow I would be interviewing with a daycare in downtown and another in the next town over. I was looking for jobs that weren't close because I couldn't run the chance of Javier finding me once I left. If I can get a job I won't tell Javier about it, I'll have to wait until he goes out and I can take what little things I have and leave before he gets home. My idea was to take the little money I had saved and sleep in my car while also working. Once I had my first paycheck I would find an extended stay hotel and I would work out what my next move should be once I had a stable place to stay. It was a risky idea and I was terrified at the thought of him discovering my plan to leave or finding me once I was gone, but I had to try. I refused to tell my family the truth right now and I wouldn't take help from them even if they offered. I was going to get myself out of here even if it killed me.
   Monday morning rolled around and Javier hadn't changed his demeanor yet. I didn't tell him when exactly I had interviews, I only told him that I had a few scheduled for this week. Last night he told me that he had to be at work early so I knew I needed to have breakfast cooked for him before he left. By 6:30AM I had cinnamon rolls and scrambled eggs ready for him as he walked into our tiny kitchen/dining area. He sat down not bothering to speak to me but I wasn't letting that bother me this morning. I placed his food in front of him and got my own plate. Sitting next to him I could see that his demeanor was now different, his happy-go-lucky attitude that he showed this weekend was gone and the real Javier was back.
   I didn't say a word as we ate our food. Once he finished he got up from the table still not bothering to look me in my eyes. "I got the keys so don't bother going anywhere". I thought about hiding my keys and phone last night but I knew that would only anger him if he did try to take them. "But baby...", he glanced at me through slanted eyes, daring me to say anything about the interviews. I knew that was the one topic he didn't want to hear about, he probably never wanted me to get a job. He wants me under his thumb and unable to do anything for myself. It was going to be impossible to get him to agree to let me go at this point but I was two steps ahead of him this time. "I need to go grocery shopping, I don't have anything to cook you for dinner".
"When is the job interview you keep talking about?"
I couldn't be honest with him at this point, "Thursday", I blurted out. That wasn't a lie, I had managed to snag two interviews today, as well as one for Thursday. 
   Javier pressed his hands against the table contemplating what to do, he didn't want me out of the house but he loved my cooking and we both knew he would be extremely upset if there was nothing cooked and waiting for him once he got home.  He took out his wallet handing me two fifty dollar bills, "I know your tank damn near on E so you better make that stretch. You get groceries and gas and you bring your ass right back home". It didn't matter what he told me because my plan was set but I shook my head yes and took the money and keys from his hands. "But...", I trailed off not knowing if I should risk it but I needed to squeeze as much money out of him as possible, "what is it!", he snapped. I jumped back at the anger in his voice, but pushed myself to continue, "You don't have enough work clothes for the rest of the week and I know how much you hate that. Can I please go to the laundromat? I'll need just a little more to do all the laundry and pick up detergent". This was something I always did for him, washed and folded his clothes, I even had to lay them out for him in the morning. He nodded in agreement and handed me a twenty dollar bill. His hand lingered on mine for a few minutes as he handed me the money. "I'm sorry baby, work has just been stressing me out lately and I don't like the thought of you going out finding a job when I know I can provide for us both". I knew damn well he wasn't concerned about providing for me, his concern was that I would be able to leave him if I got my own money, but I played along. "It's ok baby, I know you're stressed and like I said the interview isn't until Thursday so you have some time to think about it". He nodded his head in agreement and roughly grabbed my ass pulling me into his chest. "I love you Ara", those words that I once needed to hear every day now sounded like my least favorite song, I had no love left for him in my heart and real love should never hurt. I couldn't bring myself to look in his eyes as I said it back to him. I forced myself not to gag as he shoved his tongue in my mouth and kissed me hard. "I'll be back late", and with that he walked out the door. I wasn't stupid, this late night work he was doing was fucking other bitches but I didn't even care at this point.  
   The moment he closed the door I was up and running to our room. I had to do this quickly and get the hell out of here for good. I had showered this morning before Javier woke up but I didn't want to change into my interview outfit just yet, I know he has his friends watching me and our apartment. He always knew if I was up to something and somehow always knew where I was. When I got my birth control shots I had to leave my phone and car in the campus parking lot and walk fifteen minute just to get to planned parenthood. I was smarter then he was and I would prove that to him today.
  I grabbed the few pieces of clothes I had appropriate for the job interviews and put them in a laundry basket. I also stuffed another basket with some of my other clothes and my essential items like toothpaste, soap, hair products, and deodorant. I decided to take the few clean work clothes that Javier had left and put them on top of the baskets so that it didn't look too suspicious. I wasn't going to take the dirty laundry, he could wash his own fucking clothes from now on! I searched deep under the bed looking for a shoe that I no longer wore, I finally found it and reached down into it pulling out the small amount of money that I was able to save. It only equaled up to ninety eight dollars, it wasn't much but there was one more place I needed to look. Grabbing a chair from the dining table I made my way back to the bedroom and put the chair at the closet door entrance. I stood on it and started searching the top shelf of the closet. Javier had a gun that he kept locked away up here but in the gun case he kept a few hundred dollar bills for emergencies. 
   I found the safe and easily popped it open, inside was the gun Javier owner and two hundred dollar bills. I should have been happy with that but I was pissed! The last time I checked the safe he had saved $700. He promised me he was putting money away for our future baby and for emergency bills only but I knew he must have spent the money on himself and those whores. That gave me $418 total, it wasn't much but it was all I had and it would have to do.
   I stuffed the cash in my bra and ran back to the kitchen. I got a garbage bag and filled it with bottles of water and juice and a few other things like chips, crackers, and applesauce. It wasn't much because we really did need to buy more groceries but again I would have to make do with what I had. I put the garbage bag on top of one of the clothes baskets and loaded it in my trunk. I ran back up the stairs to my apartment and grabbed the other basket filled with my clothes and made a run for it. I didn't bother to get one last look around, there was nothing there that I would miss, the bad memories far outweighed the good.
   In the days prior to my attempt at leaving I wondered if I should write Javier a hateful note, or should I destroy the apartment leaving a mess for him to clean. I decided I wasn't going to do anything, in fact I left everything clean and neat, like I had plans of coming back. I wanted him to suffer, to wonder what finally pushed me over the edge. I prayed that he would learn from this and treat the next girl better but I knew in my heart that he wasn't going to change.
   I couldn't waste time thinking about the 'what if's', I needed to get the hell out of there and go forward with my plan. My first stop was Walmart. I bought a cheap $30 tracfone and put $20 worth of minutes on it. That was less than an hour of time put on the phone but I would only use it for emergencies and talking with potential employers. While walking out of the store I passed by a trash can and dropped my old phone in it. Javier always knew exactly where I was and I fingered it out a long time ago. He had a tracking app on both of our phones so that he could see where I was whenever he wanted, one of his many ways of trying to control me. 
   My second stop was planned parenthood, you might think that was a waste of $25 for my birth control but it stopped my period completely and I didn't want to worry about buying pads or tampons for the next three months with the little money I had. Once I got the shot I used their restroom to change into my interview clothes, I wore a blue blouse, black pencil skirt, my black blazer and a pair of flat black shoes. Javier threw away all of my heels a long time ago saying I didn't need them. I checked myself over in the mirror, I thought I looked good but the skirt did fit tighter than the last time I wore it. I sighed trying to pull the skirt down further, I guess Javier was right, I was getting fat. I shook the thought from my head because there was no time to waste. After packing up my clothes I got back in my car and headed to downtown Richmond for my first interview. I said a prayer the entire way there, I asked God to allow me to receive a job opportunity soon, but more importantly I prayed that he would never let that man find me again.