Playing With Fire (Lesbian)(Not Edited)

Chapter 14

"I was so happy when you showed up." Janell said as I removed her shirt.

"Yeah." I start kissing on her neck while pushing her onto her couch. 

"Naomi, I have missed-"

"Janell, be quiet." 

Forty minutes later, I was pulling on my clothes feeling indifferent. Sleeping with Janell did absolutely nothing. It didn't make me feel any better about Amari's secret life- or was her a gay life the secret? Oh, who the hell knows. 

"So I was thinking we can just grab some dinner- oh maybe Thai and just hold up in my apartment." Janell said excitedly.

I sigh while zipping up my jacket, of course she noticed my lack of conversation and took that as her cue to ask what was wrong. "I'm about to head home and shower. Good night, Janell."

"But why? We just made-"

"We fucked. Don't kid yourself Janell." I said firmly. I grab my phone and keys to make my exit. I make it to her door when grabs my wrist. I roll my eyes and pivot to face her. "Yes?" I raise my eyebrow.

"Naomi, that didn't mean anything to you?" 

"No." 

"But I thought we were going to be together or at least start over, damn." She said irritated by lack of excitement. "If you were just going to act this way, why did you come over and have sex with me?"

"Do you want me to lie or tell you the truth?"

"What do you think?"

I chuckled, "I honestly, don't know since you have spent most of your lame ass existence lying, I thought you would want a taste of your own medicine."

She sucked her teeth in response to my little jab.

"But I came over here to get laid, now I'm going to head out." I said frankly while opening the front door stepping into the hallway.

"What happened to you? You were never like this."

I should have just slammed the door but she needs to know. She needs to grasp just how her actions have affected my life. I turned around and looked her dead in the eyes, I could feel my blood starting to simmer.

"You happened! I knew I should have just cut my losses when I found out you weren't single but you know what I got in the end? Your crazy ass ex attacking me! You sending that stupid ass video to Amari and feeling like a complete jackass in the end of all this shit. But don't worry about me Janell, I'm a big girl and I can handle my shit but can you though?"

Janell stood frozen, wide eyed like a deer caught in head lights. 

"Nothing to say Janell?" I sucked my teeth angrily. "Yeah like I thought." I closed her door and sashayed my ass back to my car. Let's just say, my ride was a blur but my mind was once again, scattered.

*

*

It took four days to get things right with Casime. I felt like he just really let me down. We were supposed to be like blood. It was hard to hear him out at first because my rage was blinding me but after some time, I heard him out. I'm not going to lie, I accepted his apology but the sore feelings are still there. 

Amari, has called my phone at least seven times a day since she was exposed. I haven't figured out what to say just yet. The anger has died down but all I am left with is just hurt feelings. I don't know what is worse at this point. I just find myself sitting around moping, I truthfully I had started to like her. 

I mean, she is married to a man but spends the night in my bed? Does that make her, bisexual? And even if that's the case, what is her preference? Questions begin to pile and before i know it, I had given myself a migraine. 

"I think you should talk to her." I cut my eye at Casime.

"Why? Because that's your little buddy? Y'all best friends now?" I said with much attitude.

He sighs, "no because you need the full story. I'm not saying that I have the entire story but at least see what she has to say."

"Fuck that. You know, just like I do, that there isn't much that can explain her shit."

"You have a point."

"Besides, I feel dumb..." I trail off. Covering my face in shame for catching feelings for a straight woman.

"Naomi, just call-"

My phone lights up with her picture displaying. She is calling me again. I bite my bottom lip, tempted to answer. What's the worst thing that can happen? Things are already screwed up.

Her contact photo, is one I took while she was sleeping the night she stayed with me. Her full lips are slightly parted and a few of her locs are on her forehead. The minimal makeup that was once there is long gone and she didn't need it. Her skin was smooth and unblemished. Why did you have to be married and straight? Why did you have to embarrass me Amari?

Giving into temptation, I swipe to answer. I just stared at my phone on the coffee table for a couple seconds, just to make her sweat it out.

"Naomi pick it up." Casime pushed.

I snatch it up, "sixth call of the day. Don't know when to take a hint."

I heard her clear her throat. "I couldn't let things end the way it did. I care about you way too much Naomi."

I scoff and take the call out to the apartment balcony for privacy. I take a seat on the patio chair.

"Look, you don't owe me shit. But I do need to clear this up. You deserve to kn- know why I didn't come clean." Her voice gave away and I could hear her sniffling. "But Naomi, I swear on my life I was going to tell you. Beautiful, I need you to trust that." I closed my eyes to seal the tears but they made their way down my cheeks anyway.

Be strong Naomi, be strong.

In fear of losing my shit completely, I sat still. Not speaking nor moving.

"Naomi, please." She full on sobbing at this point. "Sa- say s-something. Curse me out if you want to but I want a chance to explain. I just want to know that it's not going to fall on deaf ears."

"No." My voice came out raw and rough.

"Well I'm coming over." I can hear her keys jingling in the background.

"I won't be here." I was bluffing. I look a mess and I am not fit for the public eye. If she did make good on her word, I was going to barricade myself in my room until she left. Call it childish but I am tired of hearing women out when they do dumb shit! Why is it so hard to give me fucking honesty?!

"Naomi, I really do care about you. I don't know how that happened but dammit- you got me. I just- one hour to explain this mess and you will understand."

I remove my phone from my ear and tap it on my forehead. Fuck, she is wearing me down. Why am I torn? Is it curiosity or is this something else?

No, I am going to stick to my gut. "No I don't need you showing up. Amari you are fucking married! You have a child with that man. You go home to him night after night! How in the hell am I supposed to get past that?!"

"It's not like that Naomi."

"Well frankly, I don't want to know what it is like. I'm good on the back story, the facts still remained. A simple conversation won't change the fact that you're unavailable. I know enough that I can't deal with your baggage."

"I may be legally married but I will never look at my daughter as baggage." She said firmly.

I sigh heavily, "her life is a beautiful blessing. Now enjoy your's without me in it."  I hung up quickly and cried my eyes out. I am tired of getting my hopes up only to be disappointed.

Creating a bond with someone is always a risk. From the moment that the connection is acknowledged, a spark is ignited. Through subtle interactions of true interest in one another, that bond flourishes into a flame. Its only when pain, dishonesty,  selfishness, or even lack of communication is introduced- that's when that fire is snuffed out. And the only thing left in the ashes is shoulda, coulda, and woulda's. And folks let me be the first to say, I am tired of playing with fire.