Breathe

sterile.

~tw whole chapter~

The first thing Clay noticed before he opened his eyes was that the room was cold. Even though he could feel the blankets across his legs, his arms and head were cold. The second thing he noticed was the beeping. There was an unusual amount of the constant, low beeping that pierced through his drowsiness into his consciousness. The third thing he noticed ? He was in a lot of pain.

Slowly, he opened his eyes and took in his surroundings. He was in the hospital, clearly, in a room of his own. There was a glass wall that opened out onto a floor that brimmed with doctors, nurses, aides, and patients. On both sides of him were chairs that sat very close to his bed; clearly, people had been here. He sat propped up in a hospital bed that was surrounded by machines and tubes. He tried to move his hand through his hair, but when he did, pain shot through his arm like fire.

Gasping sharply, he looked at his arm and noticed one long, neat set of stitches that went from his wrist to just before the nook of his elbow. Raising his other arm, he saw the same thing. Then it hit him.

I tried to kill myself.

The weight of his actions began to settle in on his bones. He had tried to kill himself. Clearly, he was unsuccessful, as he was awake and in a hospital. That most likely meant that George and Nick had found him. 

George and Nick saw me. They found me in the bathtub. They had to see what I did to myself...

He laid his head back against his bed as tears fell down his cheeks. He had wanted to kill himself, which, though it was unsuccessful, didn't hurt nearly as bad as the fact that he nearly killed George and Nick in the process.

______

A little while later, a doctor by the name of Dr. Salem came in to check on him, saying he had had quite a time in the hospital. He then said he was going to get "his friends".

George ?

Nick ?

They can't see me like this.

Before Clay could protest, Dr. Salem was already out the door and on his way to get Clay's friends. Exhaling, he tried his best to garner an explanation of some kind, but when his two brothers got to his room, every thought left his mind.

They were exhausted, clearly. Nick had bags under his eyes that were visible to Clay even from his bed. George's skin was ten shades paler than Clay thought humanly possible. They rushed to his side, crying.

Clay sat, catatonic. When he initially started planning his suicide, Clay had thought a lot about George and Nick, enough to the point where he almost didn't want to do it anymore. He'd be leaving his best friends behind, and the thought of hurting them made him feel sick. Ultimately, though, his desire to die overcame his desire to live, and Clay had watched them leave that day thinking he was never going to see them again. So now that his two best friends and biggest supporters in the entire world sat by his bedside in a time Clay didn't think he was going to see, he realized just how badly he had fucked up.

Tears spilled out of his eyes as he watched George sit on one chair while Nick sat on the other. The three were silent for a bit, mostly just realizing how lucky they all were to be sitting in the same room as each other again. Then George spoke up, laughing.

"You're a stupid prick, you know that, right ?"

Clay burst out laughing. Of all of the things he expected to hear come out of George, that was the one he was least prepared for, and it caught him completely off guard. He laughed so hard he started to wheeze, but before he could, he doubled over in pain.