sometimes i miss not you but the possibility of you loving me. and i become sad. [i mean,] you hurt me. [and you're a good kisser.]
but i know that i was willing to diminish so much of me in order for you to like me.
my education, my thoughts on the world, on feminism, on veganism, my desire to move away and grow somewhere else into this new person - they all wilked around you, became small and weak. i was willing to give up so much of me for you. i wanted us to be alike, i wanted you to think i was great. i have never actively shown you the parts that make me me the most because i was scared i would be too different from you. i mean, you knew these things, i told you about it. but i've never really talked to you about them. you should think we actually fit.
well, you didn't think that. you didn't like me all that much, in the end.
since i made a lot of very powerful parts of me very small and quiet when i was around you, i think you made the right choice. the right one for me.
i wasn't ready to love and be loved by someone from another universe.
i would've slowly eaten up myself and everything special about me in order to fix all our differences.
sometimes i miss not you but the possibility of you loving me. and i become sad. [i mean,] you hurt me.
and i'm so thankful for that. even more thankful than for your great kisses.
YOU ARE READING
euphoria
Poetry‚I glance up into the clouded sky. a sea of grey and of nothing at all. and I just want to fucking drown myself in it.' welcome to my 3 am poetry collection. 2020.
