Miles Away

Chapter 21 - Never Let It Break

Chapter 21
Ella
Never Let It Break

A/N - I'm sad to say that this is the final chapter of Miles Away ): The next update will be the epilogue. Thank you all so much for the continued support! 

It was amazing how good at it I was getting.

I'd spent almost three weeks Jag-less. It was the polar opposite of how my life had been before he'd lost his memory, living with him every single day when he'd gotten home from tour. We'd eat breakfast together, do each other's laundry and fall asleep in each other's arms. I almost didn't know how to live without him at that point. But I had to keep telling myself that he didn't want me anymore.

Hell, he didn't even remember who I was to begin with.

When I had packed his things into that simple cardboard box, it broke almost every ounce of courage I'd built up since his accident. Every piece that reminded me of him, the pictures, the clothes, the lyrics on papers...it all went inside the box. It was amazing how someone who played such a huge part in your life could fit in such a simple, small cardboard box. Everything about him was compiled in one box.

As I stood by his door, I was hoping Caley would answer the door, save me from the heartbreak of seeing Jag in the flesh. When he opened the door and raised an eyebrow, all of the walls I'd spent weeks building to shut him out all came falling down as I looked in his eyes. I willed him to remember, begged him to feel what I was feeling deep down. But as he looked at me like a stranger, like someone he only remembered meeting once or twice in passing, I couldn't stand in front of him anymore. It was all too unbearable.

There were mornings where I was stuck on the bathroom floor, spitting up in the toilet from morning sickness, or lying on the doctor's table and seeing my baby get bigger and bigger that made me miss Jagger the most. I found myself constantly wishing he was here with me, holding my hair back or squeezing my hand. Maybe it would be easier to get by with him there, feel like more of a weight was lifted from my shoulders. My son or daughter would feel the love of two parents, instead of one. And maybe...just maybe, I would finally get my happy ending.

But life didn't work that way.

As I rinsed the vulgar taste in my mouth in front of the sink, I frowned at the vision before me. I was tired...so tired. The bags underneath my eyes were unbearable to look at. My face was thinning out from the food I hadn't touched the week after Jagger was gone. My hair was frazzled and unkempt, desperately in need of some shampoo and a comb. The only thing progressing on my body was the massive bump forming beneath my pink tank top. I placed a hand over the bump and rubbed it gently with a thumb.

It was just me and the baby now.

I would have called Charlee by now, begged her to keep me company in my now too-big apartment. I would have suggested a girl's night with movies and manicures. It would be rid of boy talk and the mention of any of the members of Fight the Fury, giving me just a few moments of peace from the topic. But she was too busy. Now that she was dating Matty, her time was constantly fitted around school and him. Even if I had asked her to come keep me company, I would feel too bad to ask her to spend her last few moments of peace from med school with me instead of her boyfriend.

School had always been a forefront in my mind since I decided to move away from home and to Everest Hills University. I planned on focusing on my studies, getting my degree and getting the hell out of this forsaken place full of lies and deceit. Since Dylan's scandal with my sister, I planned to keep boys at arm's length and away from my heart, at least until I was at a point in my future career that I could deal with a relationship. I broke that promise by being with Jag, given him chances that I knew he didn't deserve sometimes. I revolved my world him and his issues. I made sure he controlled his drinking, was there when the rumors circled that he cheated with Caley. I even took him back when he ran out on me after the news of my being pregnant.