Agent 024

YOU DESERVE BETTER

"I'm here to see Abhay.", I said to the receptionist at the infirmary.

"Let me check with the patient.", the Agent said and went inside.

"Doctor Kumar.", I said, waving my hand at my favorite Doctor.

"Tisha.", she said, nodding her head, "You never arrived for the medical examination.", she said, concerned.

"I didn't need one. How's Abhay?", I asked, as I side-stepped her to go inside.

"He is recovering.", she said, blocking my way.

"And?", I asked, raising my eyebrow at her.

"The patient does not want to see you.", the receptionist said.

"And well that.", Doctor Kumar said.

"What?", I asked, "Doctor Kumar, you know Abhay and I-"

"Are friends, yes, I know. So are you and I. But he is my patient right now and he has the right to decide who can visit him till he is under my care.", Kumar said.

"I didn't see any of those measures being taken when I was your patient.", I said, tilting my head. She wanted to do it the hard way. Well, bring it on.

"That's because the first thing he requested after waking up was that he didn't want to see you."

I winced. Outside, I maintained a calm posture but inside my heart had shattered and I was broken.

"And I can't dismiss a direct request of my patient. Tisha, please understand, for him to heal better-", Doctor Kumar was still continuing with her explanation when I said, "Yeah, whatever." and walked off.

I was barely able to keep the tears in control as I exited the infirmary. I wiped my face with my sleeve as I walked but it wasn't much help as fresh tears just kept rolling down

"Tisha.", I heard Irrfan's voice from behind me as I was exiting the medical wing.

I quickly dried the tears  with my sleeve as I heard him approach.

"Irrfan, hey. How are you? Is the injury serious?", I said, inspecting him.

"Yeah, it was just a scratch.", he said.

"Shut up.", I said and hugged him. My hands could only reach his waist. I held him tightly and whispered into his chest, "Don't you dare scare me like that again."

"Not like I volunteered to get kidnapped and threatened, but I assure you Tisha, I will try not to fall into a similar situation again.", he joked and I held him tightly. Only a sob would escape my throat if I tried laughing right now.

"How did you know I would get the message? What if I didn't even have the comms on?", I asked and he hugged me back and spoke into my hair - "If there is someone lazy enough to forget to remove her comms, it's you.", he said and I punched him lightly as I chuckled.

"Besides.", he said as he held me closer and I could hear his heartbeat, "it was a far stretch but that's the best bet I had. The Professor would have killed me immediately if I gave any direct hint of where I was. Jumping out the window - that reference was all I had. And I prayed and hoped that you would listen and figure it out."

"I would have never put you in danger if Gaurav didn't need immediate medical help. Besides I expected you to inform the agents, not land up at the crime scene with your own one man army. What was that about, Tisha? We all could have died there. You could have died.", he said as he broke the hug and put me at a arm's length with his arms still encircling me.

"They wouldn't have believed me. Heck even Abhay didn't. It would have taken time to make them believe me and even more time for them to reach you from the command post. I was nearer to you. And I had Aradhya send them after me for backup as soon as I was out of the range.", I said, looking at him.

His face softened. Perhaps he had noticed my dried up tears or my heroic deed had impressed him. I wished for the latter although I already knew what it was.

"It killed me to see you arrive there. It killed me to realize I had put you in danger.", he said as he held the side of my neck.

"Hey, I did see you closing your eyes when he was about to shoot you. So much for trusting me, huh.", I said, punching him lightly on the chest. He caught my hand and held it on his chest as he placed his hand on mine. His other hand still remained wrapped around my waist, holding me close.

"I was trying to sell it. Besides, the possibility of you landing up alone was always there. I wouldn't have trusted you with my location had I not believed you were capable enough to handle the situation. I've seen you do some pretty badass stuff in training.", he whispered into my ear and I smiled, trying to ignore the shivers his breath had just sent down my spine.

"And besides I wasn't the only one who had his eyes closed. Look who was sending her last prayers to heaven?", Irrfan chuckled as his thumb caressed my jaw. A tingling feeling settled in the pit of my stomach. His touch affected me on another level, made me feel things I had never felt before. I felt happy when all I wanted to do a moment before was cry myself to sleep. My face leaned into his hand as it yearned for his touch.

"Tisha?", he whispered again and suddenly the memory came back to me. It was like deja vu. Irrfan and I had been in the same position before at the night of the party. We had almost kissed. The only difference now was that I knew neither of us was making a drunken mistake. We both wanted it.

He looked into my eyes and I found myself looking back, wanting to get lost in them, and forget all the pain that had been inflicted today. I wanted to drown all the tears wrapped in his chest and find peace.

Our faces were almost touching. If I moved my face just an inch forward, we would be kissing and the fact that I wanted to killed me.  Irrfan was holding out that space wanting me to make the decision. The guy I liked for months had outright refused to see me. I couldn't kiss Irrfan as a rebound. Maybe that was what all this heat between us was. I couldn't do this to Irrfan, he deserved better.

"I can't.", I said as I backed away and put distance between us. I put my hand on his chest and hled on to his shirt as I steadied my breathing. 

"Why not?", Irrfan whispered, taking my hand.

"You deserve better.", I said getting out of his hold and freeing my hand.

"Maybe, I should get a say in that.", Irrfan said as he held my hand and stopped me from walking any further away.

"Trust me, Irrfan. You don't want someone so broken.", I said as I winced thinking of Abhay. The plan had made so much sense then. It had felt wrong but it had felt necessary. And now that I had thought of it a thousand times, over and over again, I realized there were a hundred other ways I could have still reached Irrfan on time without betraying Abhay. Abhay was the Dean's son. He was there on a mission and I had just subjected him to another level of embarrassment. Aviral's words were true. There wasn't a greater embarrassment for me than letting down my parents and I had made Abhay do that both on a professional and personal level. There was a reason agents kept these two parts of their lives completely separate.

"And you think I'm not!", Irrfan said, pulling me back, forcing me to look up in to his eyes.

I looked at his face and saw the innocence and truth in his eyes. He was sincere and he was good. And that is exactly why he deserved better.

I looked at him and shook my head.

"I'm sorry.", I said as I shook my hand away and walked off.

I saw his face fall and ran as fast as I could towards the hostel.

I could not risk another heartbreak today.