Pathway To Enlightenment

oranges pt. II

I want to go back to my childhood home,

where my mom would bring me pieces of cut up fruit at night,
and I would wake up to hear my sisters on the PlayStation 2.

I want to go back to when I would spend all day outside, and come back tired to a house filled with candle smoke and life.

When my parents didn't fight,
when my parents loved to love each other,
when my parents loved to be together,
when they found comfort in each other.

When Kaila and I did everything together,
even sleep at the same time.
When we'd play elaborate games that only we understood, people called us twins because
we've always been deeper than sisters or best friends.

I want to go back to when I was never alone;
when I first had diaries kept tight,
I first learned that I loved to write.

When Christmas was the richest day of the year,
and everything Kaila and I got was matching;
hers was blue and mine was pink.
If it wasn't blue it was purple, and imagination was the only thing we'd ever need.

I want to go back to running to see Diara at the bus stop when she got home from school,
running to see my Dad,
running to see my Mom after she blew a bag.

Back to when Diara's room made me want to be a teenager in the 2000s; when I first saw a Babyphat purse, lipgloss and hoop earrings.

I want to go back when my Dad was my best friend in the world, cause I'm such a Daddy's girl, he taught me how to care about my craft
how to make music that is made to last.

When my parents would play Lauryn Hill in the car,
Justin Timberlake and Timbaland if we were driving far.

I want to go back when Summer had endless days, and I used to watch my aunt drive fast on Atlanta highways.

I would count fireflies and eat honeysuckle at my Grandma's house and my Granddaddy got the pool ready, and Coco used to come when we called her.

I want to go back to when I would play in my parents bed,
it felt like the biggest ocean in the world,
and all my problems seemed so far away

I want to go back to when I would wake up happy,
back when I could control my dreams

I want to go back to my childhood home when my mom was making tomato soup and cheese toast,
where she would come back home with highlights and a new car.
Everything she bought she bought it herself.
Everything she earned she did it herself.
She taught me to never depend on anyone else, if I want something I can get it by myself.

If she was playing Kirk Franklin then that means we would clean up the whole day,
She taught me how to pray, to say thanks,
She taught me how to never give up.

We used to drink strawberry smoothies,
and have pink painted toes
we'd go to the mall and get new clothes,
and I wanted to wear make up
and she'd tell me I'm too young to have a teenager crisis,

but I have to admit;

I love you and I'm so glad I exist
It's hard sometimes,
but I really am glad.