Secrets on Melody Street (Jenlisa)

8

We've been back from Greece for almost 2 weeks now and I still haven't plucked up the courage to visit Jennie to give her the gift I got for her. It's nothing too fancy, I just thought it'd be the polite thing to do. I always get something for Jisoo and Rosé after a holiday somewhere nice, so I figured one more present wouldn't hurt.

But since returning I've been dodging knocking on her door,mostly because, I don't trust myself when I'm around her. Jaehyun's been great lately, almost suspiciously so. It's been making me feel guilty and to make up for it, I've been spending more time with my family. Though I can't deny the fact that I miss the excitement. The thrill I get when she touches me is unlike anything I've ever felt before. It takes me back to this one summer I had years ago, I've never felt more free than back then.

I was 15 and visiting my grandparents in Thailand during summer break. I would get pretty bored as the only child there, so I made friends with another girl, one from the village. I promised my grandma that I wouldn't play with the kids from the village, she thought they were too dirty and common, but I didn't care about that. I just wanted to make friends my own age so I would sneak out into town. My grandparents thought I was walking the dog or exploring their fields but in reality I was socializing. Technology wasn't at it's peak back then so I don't have any photo's, but I remember the friends I made. Bambam, Minnie and Sorn. They were great but I remember being enamored by Sorn's beauty. She was charismatic, confident and mischievous. She had beautiful flowing blonde hair and I remember wanting to be just like her. We soon became close friends and as I reached the end of my three week stay in Thailand, I realised too late that the whole time I'd had a massive crush on her. I told her on my last evening hanging out with them at the beach. Minnie and Bambam were skimming stones in the sea whilst Sorn and I were lying on blankets, watching the sun set beyond the horizon. She would tell me how lucky I was to live in Korea, she called it the land of opportunity. I promised her that one day I would come back for her and take her with me. That we'd build a life together,somewhere far from here. And then she kissed me. Deep and slow and passionately. We wrote our names in the sand and watched as the tide rolled in, taking with it our promise of forever.

I think in a lot of ways, being with Jennie reminds me of being with Sorn. I was so young, so hopeful. I know that 15 year old Lisa would be disappointed at how her life has turned out so far. Over time being who I have to be is draining me. The pull to run away and start again is always there, lingering at the back of my mind like the devil on my shoulder. But I can't.

I never told anyone about Sorn when I came back to Korea. Not Jae, not even Rosie or Chu. It all happened so long ago that sometimes I wonder if I made it all up, if it was a dream. It certainly feels like one.

I don't want Jennie to end up like Sorn. She's not just another sordid secret that I have to take to my grave, another reminder of broken promises. She's different, being with her feels new.

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It was evening when I finally knocked on Jennie's door. Luca's staying over at Rosé's and Jaehyun is out somewhere. I don't know where. Point is, I was in the house alone and frustrated. I don't know what's wrong with me these days, but my sex drive has been through the roof, and it's getting to the point where Jaehyun isn't enough for me. I need to see her. To feel her.

Clutching the bag with her gift in my hands, I waited for her to answer the door. And she did, except she wasn't alone.

"Lisa! I didn't expect to see you, how have you been?" She closed the door slightly behind her as she stepped out onto the front porch. I could her the faint tinkering of music coming from the house and I squinted, trying to sneak a look behind her shoulder.