The Thought Of Her

:14:

Black dog - Arlo parks

Her POV

"Hey miss Channing would you like a coffee ?" my assistant Cassidy snapped me out of my thoughts .

"Uhhhm yeah thank you ." I gave her a soft smile .

I'm back at the office after a long time being gone . The company was in need of my input . I was very much needed in there . The only thing that has Kept me from being on track was what Aubrey did .

A few days after I shut the door in his face after I mumbled a million words he sent me a video of him burning every picture he had of us together. I don't know why it bothered me so much . We are divorced....

Yes I was bothered by such a childish action . How embarrassing I know .

But it did .

It bothered me like hell .

"So how has the marketing for our new wedding dress collection go ?" I asked the marketing team .

"Huge success. Many bridal boutiques are calling asking for them to be in their  stores as soon as possible . The customers are ringing phones left and right asking when they will hit stores . The designs have blown the audience we targeted amazingly ." They said .

I took a deep breath and smiled wide .

"Amazing! None of this would be possible with out all of you . First call and stock up all of the top stores. Then every where else . I have a feeling these will be flying off the racks this wedding season ." I said right before walking out of the conference room .

Finally good news . Something to clear my mind and keep me busy is here . Mental freedom it feels like.

A couple of days later

His POV

I burned the pictures ........

The memories......

They're gone ...

Oh how I wish I could just bring them back or had copies but I don't . I'm an idiot with idiot and impulsive decisions. What a dick I can be .

I'm not surprised.

My anger usually ends up with me just doing things that just make me regret it the second after. It's as if my mind was just clouded with the deepest most evil thoughts I can think of at the moment. A savage rage on a bad day can cause mad destruction.

That day she said all of those words it's as if my sanity left and came back hours later . I felt as if I was on a hunt for it . I wasn't okay for a couple of days. The inconsolable thoughts of her not wanting me any more just deteriorated my good thoughts . Everything became harder . It was like a mental block , an emotional block you can say .

I just wanted to feel that peace . I just wanted to hear that "I love you ." roll off her tongue as she spoke in her velvety voice .

All of this anger is new to me. I used to be one of the happiest men alive even before Marcey . I remember being on degrassi being the happiest teen . I had my days like any other ordinary person does . I used to just live life like a teenager should . Going out with friends cruising around the city of Toronto that is my home . Watching the city from secret sights to take it in all of its glory . Taking in the scenery around me was my favorite thing to do. Gathering inspiration and amazing ideas was what that made me do . I loved every second of it. Appreciating the sights and the beautiful people. Watching everything from afar just go on it's regular schedule. Couples kissing under the moonlight enjoying their own company . Watching men and boys meet a beautiful girl who might change their lives for the better or worse. Watching girls and women be treated like queens was everything. The way the men treated them was incredible.

Marcey would always tell me my eyes lit up when I took in the view in front of me at that moment in time. Her hand would rest on my cheek as her thumb caressed it. I would feel safe . Another persons touch can trigger so many things . In my case it triggered safety and comfort.

Just her presence when we were in our 20's was everything. It felt as if we were still teenagers . Our early 20's were everything you can describe them as. Our young faces staring at one another was magical. Our eyes putting us in a trance. She was my girl .....

She was my girl ....

My world ...

My heaven ...

Call it corny and basic but it's true . Those simple words describe everything we ever went through , without too much being said .

Her enjoying the views of the carnival were everything. Sitting next to her on rides as her excited screams filled the air. It was the sound of uninterrupted joy . Her huge captivating smiles were seen left and right when she enjoyed something.

2011 was a year full of adventure. Watching her running to me at a beach ready to tell me a goofy story she just remembered . Her young smile lit up my world at that moment in time . The fact that it did that to my life for so many years brings tears to my eyes knowing I won't experience that anymore .

Magical years I tell you . The fist month of meeting her was magical I didn't know she would make me feel that comfortable that I longed for in a woman .

Her beautiful gorgeous personality was bigger than I could ever comprehend.

She was so complex and guarded but at the same time the most kind soul I could ever meet .

Her beauty was unmatched. Her honey golden hazel eyes lit up like the sun when it's barely rising . They glowed like the most special orbs I had ever seen . I was weak for her.

Any day spent with her was my favorite day . So all of those days I hung out with her were my favorite days .

Everything she stood for everything she is my special and favorite weakness.

Then I remembered a quote that hit me hard .

"Goodbye ...?"
Oh no , please . Can't we go back to page one and do it all over again ?"

I just want to do it all over again.