The Thought Of Her

:15:

October 16,2006

His POV

"You didn't have to sleep with him jade . I was right here . All you had to do was call . But cheating is just horrible . I trusted you with everything and this is how you decide to say you don't want this anymore. I loved you with every part of my heart and soul ." I sniffled trying to gather myself .

"I guess everything I gave you and every moment we spent wasn't enough." I said coldly with tears drying up on my cheeks .

"But Aub-" I cut her off before she said another word .

"Just forget me jade ." I said as I turned away from her and grabbed my jacket and left .

I was now outside with dried tears on my face . First real heartbreak and I was hurting like hell .  It felt as if someone slapped my chest as hard as possible .

She's gone Aubrey .

She's gone .

SHES GONE !

SHES GONEEEEEE!!!!!

Reality

I jumped out of my sleep sweating the voice in the dream was loud . It was terrifying......

How do you think she felt when you slept with another girl ? She hates you Aubrey .

The voice in my head that I couldn't get out said .

I really need to get out and get some fresh air soon .

Getting your girl back is one tough thing . I swear cause of her my nights are restless . If this is the price I have to pay I'll do it . She's worth every minute of it . She's the weakness I need . She is also my strength that I'm missing . I've tried to write something in the studio and it's only love and heartbreak songs , but none of them are good . They are all missing something. Usually when I would write and album she would sneak into the studio and just sit on the couch as she watched me brain storm ideas . 40 always had a conversation with her that's like his sister . They would help me together to write a song or give me extra little help to do it .

Whenever I wrote take care we were broken up . I had done something stupid she wasn't having it . That's when I hung out with Rihanna. Yes she's beautiful and all , but she's nothing compared to my Marcey .

Those couple of months were hell . I tried to put a smile but it was just catastrophic. I was in so much emotional pain something i never felt before . I cried for days on end in hotel rooms when I traveled for the cd . But when she came back it felt as if that missing piece was put back . My days got easier . I missed her like hell . I grew so much to appreciate the good people in my life during our little break. I swear every moment I spent with her before our marriage was a never ending paradise .

I only proposed and married her cause I  was scared she was going to leave me if I never asked her. We dated for 5 years I know most girls get up and leave if their man doesn't propose in 2 years . I couldn't risk losing her . Even though marriage wasn't what I wanted at the time I still did it . She always told me to take my time and she's fine without a ring . I was just traumatized from my past relationships. I seen my homies had that happen to them I couldn't let that happen to something so beautiful.

But that ....... that ruined everything. It was the down fall of something so special.  I was stressed because of work and the fame was getting heavy . My career was growing incredibly fast . The liquor and temptations took over. I couldn't hold myself together any more . I didn't care about marriage I didn't even want it . The pressure of being a husband was just added on top of everything. Through all of it I did Marcey dirty . I slept with women that weren't her . It was all selfish decisions. I was acting out it was all over the news . So much press was seeing every one of my mistakes. I humiliated Marcey .  I heard her cry   so much during those times, she only did it when I wasn't there. I heard ...... I heard  the cries of a woman trying her best to be a good partner and wife even through all the pain and scrutiny . I always blew it off I was so done with everything but deep down my soul was crying for her .

She was there when I was at my lowest trying to comfort me . She tried to talk to me about it . She tried to become my personal therapist and listen to me . She was willing to face me and listen to the mess of a man she called her husband. 

She helped me when she was struggling herself. During those years she was struggling with her mental health . Her anxiety was at its worst . Her work troubles were tough for a while.  Even through all of her pain she still managed to put on a smile and be a true partner to me . She was just slowly imploding and I wasn't there to help her . Instead she put her time and tried to help me but I ignored her.

Her cries are forever haunting me . Thinking about her now breaking down tore my soul.

I haven't kissed her or touched her in years . Holding her body in my arms making her feel safe . Whispering into her ear telling her everything is going to be fine .  I forgot what her lips on mine felt like . I forgot what her embrace felt like . It's crazy to know that it's been years .

Such a beautiful soul that I once knew now considers me a stranger.

Her POV

I haven't slept well in a couple of days . He's been in my mind just breaking me apart and he's not even here . It feels as if he's doing it telepathically. The memories the feelings just flooding my mind when i just want them to go away . I'm tired of feeling weak when it comes to him .

But his sweet soul just makes me stay . The thought of his sweet soul brings joy to me . I never seen a man love a woman so much until I met him . He engulfed me into his life and made sure I was safe at all times . His voice whispering sweet nothings into my ear as he held me in his arms . His smile .

HIM.