Fly Away || l.h

14

***

I blink a few times, to make sure I'm not hallucinating. It's happened before, when I had a dream so realistic, or I was so tired, that I thought I saw him. But this is different, it's real. He is really there.

I got up slowly, staying in complete silence. I walked over to him, not even realizing what I was doing. I wrapped my arms around him, and buried my face in his neck, hugging him as hard as I could.

He hugged back, and I could feel his breath going in and out at the same time as mine. We stayed there like that for a while, tears streaming down my eyes. I tried not to let him notice I was crying, but I realized he was too. His breath was getting faster.

I lifted my head a little, and I looked at his face that I've missed so much over the past five years. I start with the eyes, but something is different from the last time I looked at them.

There's one thing about pictures, even videos. They never are able to pick up the glimpses to a person's emotion, their soul, like they do in real life, real time. I was never able to notice over those five long years, this difference in Luke.

He looked sad. Not just like an I just lost my puppy sad, it was something deeper than that. His eyes were empty of the hope and lively hood that I use to be able to see, every time I saw into them.

He was staring at my eyes too, my dull brown eyes that I've hated for their sameness. I could tell by the look that came across his face that he saw the same thing in me.

He didn't look too much older, his hair was just a little shorter than it had been. But he was still the same Luke.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come here. You're getting married, I had no right. I-" I cut him off

"Luke, you aren't doing anything wrong. Trust me. Just, I don't know. We need to talk. A lot." I looked up at him again, and I couldn't bear it any longer.

I know I shouldn't have, I know how wrong it was on so many levels, but I raised myself up on my tip-toes and kissed him with all I had, the passion from the hatred and hurt from the last five years, the feelings of longing and betrayal. It was all in that kiss, it was the only way I could express it to him.

He kissed me back, grabbing my hair in his hands like he use to love to do, but then I stopped.

"No, I can't your dating that model. I'm engaged. We just need to talk this out first. I'm sorry." I could barely make it through my sentence without croaking. My voice cracked from my tears, and I looked up at him apologetically.

"Alright, yeah. You have a good point. I'm sorry too. Where do you wanna go? The hotel, the cafe, anywhere you want. It's your choice." he said, softly.

"Let's just walk. I..." I couldn't speak. I still couldn't believe he was here, he came back for me. It was the worst timing in the world, he could've just came when he promised he would have, everything would have been so much better.

"I know." he squirmed awkwardly, and continued. "You have no idea how much I missed you. Izzie, don't think I left you here, that I tried to hurt you. I haven't gone a day without thinking about you, not a show without me peering into the audience, trying to see if you were there. If I could make out your face, or hear your voice singing along to our music. You don't know how hard its been."

"If you didn't try to hurt me, why did you never come back? If you've missed me this whole time, thought about me every day, why didn't you ever call? Even send a text, or just stop by to try to see me when you were in New York? You've been here more than a few times." I looked at him again, as we began to walk down the street.

"I tried. Did Ashton never tell you this? I could swear I asked him to. I wanted to come back so much, but I'd gotten this girl.. I don't even know if I can tell you this. It's awful." He shook his head.

"Luke, I think we've gotten past that beginning stage of knowing someone. You can trust me." I was worried.

"As soon as I got home to Australia, this model I sort of hooked up with once told me she was pregnant, and she already had been to the doctor and even took a test, it was mine for sure. She was freaking out, I couldn't leave. She wanted to keep it, and she was forcing me to stay with her." He cringed as he talked.

"Is that... the same model you're dating now? Did the baby..." I couldn't believe what he was telling me.

"No, no. After a couple months she miscarried, and she moved somewhere and I never really spoke to her again. By the time I had figured this all out, I really wanted to still try to get in touch with you but I started to figure you were gonna be too mad, and word had already gotten out by that time that I was sorta with the model, even though I wasn't." He looked up at me, as if to check how I was reacting to this.

"Are you... You're serious?"

"Of course I am. Why would I lie about this?" he responded, and continued talking.

"My mom... She kept on convincing me that you got over me, especially since the public assumed that I already had a girlfriend. Eventually, I guess I started believing her. When I was with you, even, I was neglecting the band a lot, it wasn't that great. I figured you wouldn't deserve a relationship that involved ME neglecting you to always go somewhere with the band, or deal with shit. I'd already lost other girls for the same reason, and I just thought this way I could minimize the pain. Damn, I wish I knew how wrong I was." Luke stopped walking, and sat down against a wall on the street, shaking his head to himself.

"I.. I understand that. You did what you thought was best, I don't blame you."

He looked up at me with tears in his eyes, in disbelief. "You don't blame me? I fucked up everything. My stupid ideals about what was best for us, for you, for me, they were so far from what was the truth. I've missed you so much, I put both of us for so long, and now I have to pay the price. You're in love with some guy, and I'm happy for you. I still love you so much, Isabella. You have no idea how much I love you. How much I regret everything I've done, and how unhappy I am. I'm so sorry, I'm just... I love you. You love somebody else. Time has taken the best of us, and I'm the one to blame because I let you slip away."

"I never said I didn't love you anymore. I said I do. I was coping with my loss of you, that's all I was doing. I'd given up on all hope that you would come, so I let myself love someone else. I love him, but I'm not in love with him." I sat down next to him, and he leaned his head against mine.

"Then why the hell are you marrying him?" he asked.

"That's a great question. I don't know." I shrugged my shoulders.

Luke laughed, and then opened his mouth slowly as to say something.

"Are you- Are you in love with me?"

He was looking down as he said it, obviously nervous as to what my answer would be.

"I was five years ago, and nothings changed. We're just a little older, with a little more experience in life. But besides that, we're still the same people." I watched him as I talked, waiting for him to look up.

He did, and he beamed at me. I looked in his eyes, and I smiled back when I saw the glimmer of hope in them.