His Habits

To Forget I'm Missing You

I feel like I start start with the bad news. We did break up. Please do not fall into the trap of the love story as I did as well. Adam had a beautiful soul. In fact, he still does. He has the heart and love like no other man I've met. We met at 16. Adam was the humbled football player who cared more about people than anything. We started to joke around in Geometry and from there, we really took off. He was someone I joked around and laughed with. We started to become actual friends which was weird considering we were always from two different worlds. I grew up in church with a semi-simple home life. I never had friend drama or many issues in my life. Maybe it's because I am young or maybe it's that some trauma in my life is too big to recognize the small things. Regardless, Adam's story was different. Home life was rough to begin with. He started smoking in middle school and drinking as well. For me, it was foreign. That doesn't make anyone better than the other, it just made us different. Our humor, our friends, our struggles were very different. I was taking a break with dating boys and needed to focus on myself. I just got out of an emotionally abusive relationship with sexual harassment also involved. I was not ready to date of trust another guy. Adam somehow managed to be that exception. I ended up falling in love very quickly. I never felt the way I did with him and he took care of me. He held my hand and held me close many nights. He would wipe my tears and hold my hand. We ended up dating for 10 months. I wish I could tell the story from the perspective of us dating because I feel like that would be a happier story. I could of tried to make you fall in love with the story, but I'd like to have the hurt to myself. It's been a month and a half since he broke up with me. It was only 10 months but it was my first true love. I sometimes wonder if I should tell him I want him back. Him and I are still in contact which is nice. The breakup never caused us to hate each other. I don't think I could ever hate him anyways. He did end it with me but I understood. We couldn't have worked long term anyways. I applaud him for having the courage to do the thing that I couldn't, but I watch him now. I try to keep myself busy so I can forget to miss him, but can't seem to do so. I love him and want him back. I believe that our differences were not compromise-able so breaking up was really the best thing to do. But how do I move past someone I want so badly?