Aftermath

Part 23

The next day, I stood next to Cristina leaning against the nurse's station desk. I held a large cup of coffee in my hand, the previous night had been exhausting.

"You look like crap," Cristina said, glancing at me.

"I had a long night last night," I replied, studying my coffee.

"Oh, you and McDreamy going at it again?"

"No." I shut down the thought a little too harshly than I meant to, "I actually had a complete breakdown,"

Cristina fell silent.

"You got married. Are you happy? Are you okay?" I asked suddenly.

She smiled, "Yeah, I am. I'm loving the tons of sex that comes with being a newlywed,"

"How are you okay?"

"I'm sorry?"

"I man held a gun to your head while you operated on my husband. You watched multiple people get shot and almost got shot yourself. How are you okay?"

"I..." She trailed off.

"I'm a mess. I'm an absolute disaster. I'm in therapy, I can't sleep properly without drugs, and I'm so scared of everything all the time! I am the opposite of fine. How are you fine?"

"I don't know, Mer. I really don't know. Maybe it is the whole newlywed thing, but I don't know,"

"I want to be back to normal. I want to be fine. More than anything, but it seems like an impossible task," Tears stung behind my eyes, but I blinked them back.

Cristina reached down and grabbed my hand in hers, giving it a tight squeeze then stepping in front of my to look me in the eye.

"You'll get through it. No matter what or how long it takes, you're strong. You'll get through it. And you have people who can help you,"

I shook my head. "It's embarrassing Cristina, I can't stand it."

Cristina opened her mouth to respond when a deep voice cut her off.

"Dr. Grey!"

I turned to see one of my oldest patients, Nick Rodgers walking towards me from the entrance of the hospital. He had stage three pancreatic cancer when I first met him. He fought like hell to beat it and now came in every few months to make sure it hadn't returned. For some reason, he took a real liking to me. I've scrubbed in on all his surgeries and been his doctor since. 

"Mr. Rodgers? What are you doing here?" I called. 

"I'm here to get my newest scans, did you forget?" He laughed.

"I thought you weren't supposed to get them until the seventeenth?" 

"Dr. Grey, today is the seventeenth! And it's going to be good, I can feel it! I know this cancer's not back, I've kicked it's ass far away from me!" 

I could've sworn my heart skipped a beat. Today was the seventeenth? I thought it was the fourteenth. Shit. 

"Dr. Grey? You feeling alright? You just got awfully pale," Mr. Rodgers observed.

"Nurse, could you show Mr. Rodgers where to sign in please?" Cristina, still standing next to me, called to the blonde nurse passing by.

The nurse nodded and guided Mr. Rodgers off. Cristina turned to face me.

"What is going on?"

"I-It's the seventeenth. I thought it was...I didn't know...I have to go, Cristina," I stuttered before dashing off and making it into a supply closet. I shut the door just in time for the tears to slowly start to fall.