That weekend...

chapter eight

Alexandrina's POV

The paddock became slightly quieter after the race. The key word being slightly. Adriana and I decided to wonder around whilst Max and Lando attended their post-race debriefs.

 I saw the disappointment hidden behind Lando's smile when he got out of the car. He so badly wanted points this race, not only for himself but for his team too! He apologised several times when he walked over to me. He gave me a kiss on the forehead which sent shivers down my spine. when he touched me I got goosebumps and it made the corners of his mouth turn up. I'm glad he knew the effect he had on me, even if we had known each other for a short time. I wish I could cheer him up, he's so hard on himself.

I soaked in the beautiful Monegasque sun and I looped my arm through Adriana's. She was happy but she too showed a glint of sadness, she knew how badly Maxie wanted that podium, and he was so close but it just wasn't meant to be.

There was a reflective silence between us as we both pondered different things. There was talks of a yacht party that Lance Stroll would be hosting. I wouldn't mind going, the harbour was particularly beautiful at night plus I'm sure everyone could use a drink or two to wind down. 

I've been on cloud nine since my first interaction with lando, and to be honest I don't plan on coming down to earth anytime soon. There was just something different about him that I'd never seen in anyone else. So genuine and kind. It's the small things he did that meant the most to me; like when happily directed a random girl he met in the paddock to a hospitality centre, or when he gave me his jacket when we went outside, or when we went on our first date and he was so nervous because he thought I wouldn't have a good time, and when he saved me a seat in the pits in the hope that id be able to make it. The fact that he did these things warms my heart, and I now hope to be seeing more of him.

My mind jumped to two weeks from now. Would I be in Canada? Would it fit in with my schedule? Does he think about me the same way I think of him? What if at the next race he has someone else to keep him busy? I've heard all the stories from max about how some drivers bring different girls to different races, or meet someone at the race and let them stick around for the weekend and get rid of them before the next. Would lando do that to me? I felt guilty, about letting my mind play all these tricks on me. But its my fault too, its been three days most people would say I'm getting too attached. Also what the fuck is wrong with me? I gave him a spoon?! Did he even like it? He probably thought it was weird.

As my mind sped through these fleeting yet intrusive thoughts, I failed to realise we had stopped walking. My grip on Adriana's arm was so tight, the poor thing was struggling to loosen my grasp on her.

"Ouch, this is my arm, I'd actually like to keep it," she told me whilst rolling her eyes, "Hello? earth to Drina?" she waved her hand slowly in-front of my face trying to get my attention.

"Am I making a mistake?... With Lando I mean. I know its only been a few days, but am I way in over my head?" I retorted after a minutes.

We were at the back of the paddock. Adriana gestured for me to sit own on the tarmac next to her against one of the Williams vans.

"Shall I tell you something?" she asked. I nodded gently without making eye contact. I was embarrassed about my petty insecure train of thought and decided to keep my eyes glued to my lap. "Lando's trainer Jon told Max's trainer Jake that, Lando's never brought girl into the garage before, you know in that way. Max told me last night." Adriana revealed.

The information raised my spirits a little but not massively. I was still uneasy, braiding random peaces of my hair until it became too tangled to keep going.

"And I also heard that Max gave him a talking to.."

"A talking to? Don't they always talk to each other? They're mates," I replied rather lazily.

"No silly-" she quietened down as Robert Kubica jogged past, we both flashed him a smile and he matched our expression. "No silly, he warned him, told him that he shouldn't mess around with you. That kinda vibe."

"Oh well what did Lando-"

"Shh," she cut me off, "At the yacht party- which yes we're going to, tell him about your worries and if it scares him away he isn't good enough or mature enough for you. You don't need someone else to treat you the way Theo did." Adriana remarked.

Theo. Theo was my ex boyfriend. He gave me the worst year and a half of my life and a distorted depiction of love. He was manipulative, some weeks he would only talk to me if I spoke, called or texted first. Theo would go days with out saying anything to me. He would constantly point out things I was insecure about, make fun of the way I looked. He would touch me even when I didn't want him to. The worst part was when I tired to leave he made me feel so guilty about it. He made me feel like it was my fault. 

"Do you know what I'll do to myself if you leave me now? What will people think when they hear my own girlfriend is the reason I ended my life?" Theo yelled.

Through tears and sniffles I responded, "Theo I didn't mean to upset you I promise." I was curled up in the corner of the room. He had thrown the contents of some of my suitcases all over the room during his fuelled rage. 

"Whenever I need you most you always give up. The the going gets tough, you pussy out and try to escape. You'll never be like any of the other girls. You'll never be as smart as them. As caring as them, and pretty as them. YOU'RE NOTHING" he screamed. He left his apartment slamming the door behind him. I stayed in the corner and wailed till I had no tears left in me.

 His words looped round and round in my head like a record stuck on repeat. The sound of his thick voice echoed around my head. The memory burned my consciousness like acid. And left a bad taste in my mouth. I swallowed hard and leaned into Adriana. I couldn't find the words to say thank you but when she pulled me close to her and took me in her arms I knew it meant 'don't worry about it'.

There's nothing wrong with having feelings. It's normal. Well that's what I'm telling myself. In my mind I prayed to Athena and begged for her wisdom, I so badly wanted her to shine some positivity onto me.

Authors note: Bit of a weird chapter. I hope you find the slight insight on Alexandrina's past interesting. What do you think will happen at the yacht party? Updates will be slower as I started college :( xoxo Cordelia

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