• 𝐍𝐨𝐝𝐮𝐬 𝐓𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐬 • ᴛ.ᴄʜᴀʟᴀᴍᴇᴛ

• 6 •

I sit up quickly, opening eyes. My breathing is heavy and I feel like the worst person in the world. I hate my nightmares. They get worse and worse every week. Its been 2 months now. And I can't seem to get him out of my mind. I just see those same pictures in my head. Happy. Smiling. With her. God, I hate how pretty she is. She's perfect and I'm...not.

My phone rings and stops my thoughts about Timothee and Lily. I pick up my phone and stare at the green notification. Tyler. He's been texting me since last week. I haven't seen him in a while. He's in New York right now. But he's coming back to Los Angeles today. I text back Tyler and then go check my instagram. The first thing pops up is a pictures of Lily and Timothee. I sigh and check the comments.

@user56: they look great together

@user67: adorable

@user190: they've only been together for 2 months and they look so happy

@user218: the fact he got lily's initial in his hip is adorable

  What? Of course. People think the 'L' is for Lily. I look down and stare at my hip. The black ink on my skin. The outline of green I got made it look really good. I sigh and get out of bed. I had a photo shoot yesterday and I'm so tired. I feel like passing out. I get ready for the day which will not be much. Maybe meet up with Tyler but I don't think I want to do anything. I haven't done much since Timothee. My life is just boring and plain. Modeling just seems boring for some reason now. I still love it just that some days I really hate it.

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  "Tyler this is a whole party!" I say and pull him back outside. He makes a confused face but smiles after.
  "Come on, Lola. Don't be such a buzz." He says and put his arm around me. I sigh and walk in the house with him. I feel Tyler tense when we pass a group of boys. I mentally roll my eyes. Tyler is such a whore.
  "You still a white man's whore?" I ask as we arrive at his small bar. He pours me a drink and smiles. I take that as a yes and take the shot. I bring the cup down and signal for him to pour me another one. He pours up another drink and I quickly down it down my throat.
  "So how you really been, Lola?" Tyler asks as he grabs an apple juice. I sigh and watch as he walks over to me.
  "I don't feel anymore." I say. It's was true. I stopped feeling for a while. I felt numb. Weak. And most of the time I was getting dizzy because I wasn't eating. I had passed out about...well I stopped counting.
  "You don't look so good man." He says. "Have you eaten today?"
  "Yeah I did." I was trying to get better. But every time I sat down to eat I wanted to throw up. I hate Timothee. No I don't. I love him.
  "Come on, let me show you some new people." Tyler grabs my hand and leads me to a group of people. They all introduce themselves and we get talking. I get lost in the conversation and after a while we were all doing shots. I lost the count of how many shots I had but I was in somebody's arms. I couldn't even make up the person's facial features. I knew it was a boy though.
  "Guys, we should all get tattoos!" I say after taking another shot. Everyone was wasted as much as I was. So everyone was down to get a tattoo.
  "My guy does the best tattoos!" One of the guys that I was hanging out with said. He called him up and soon a guy arrived with equipment. While everyone was deciding what to get, I desperately searched the house for Tyler. He was nowhere in the house. I go to his backyard and there he is drinking his apple juice. I smile and run up to him.
  "Ahhh what the fuck!?" Tyler yells when I scream. I smile and hug him. I'm pretty sure he could tell that I was drunk. He pulls away and I wrap my arms around his neck. "What happened?"
"We're getting tattoos." I say calmly. He makes a confused face and pulls me away.
"You guys are so drunk." He says and walks back into the house. Some was already getting tattooed. That was fast. I is getting a snake tattooed. "What the fuck are you guys doing?"
"Come on, Tyler!" The guy who is getting tattooed calls out to him. Tyler shakes his head and goes upstairs. I guess he went to his room. A few minutes go by and soon I'm siting down with my arm out for him to tattoo. I show him what tattoo I want. We agree on what he's going to do and soon I hear the machine. I don't know how long he took to finish but definitely it took more than an hour. It was really pretty. I hope I don't regret this when I'm sober tomorrow.
"Man what the fuck!? That's sick." The guys I was wrapped around in said. I smiled and wipe the few tears that came out of my eyes when I was getting my tattoo.
"Man did that hurt." I say.
"Girl, you are so brave." The girl that we had been hanging out with said. I smile at her and get lost in her blonde hair. It was practically white but it looked great on her. I loved her vibes. She seemed so down to earth.
"What are you going to get?" I ask the blonde girl. She smiles and tucks a piece of hair behind her ear. She shows me a picture of what she wants.
"You should totally get that." I say with a smile.

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"You know I don't care about that right?" Timothee says. I was crying. I thought he was going to hate me. Or see me differently. I hug him and just keep crying. I always kept it a secret. But I felt bad and I told Timothee. He's the first one that knows. Like ever.
"Do you still love me?" I ask.
"Are you kidding?" He says. "I will love you forever."
"Do you promise." I ask looking up at him. Tears filling my view of Timothee. But I could still see Timothee's beautiful smile.
"I promise...I will never leave." Timothee says as he kisses the top of my head.
"I love you, Timmy." I say and close my eyes. Timothee loves me. Timothee loves me. And I love him. That's all I need to be alive. That's all I need to be happy.

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