Ultimatum

Twenty Two

Alex

Atticus once said, "She conquered her demons and wore her scars like wings."

I've known Kathryn since she was fifteen and I've loved her ever since. She is three years younger than me. When I was eighteen I thought age was more than a number. That it accounted for so much like maturity, understanding, and compatibility. That wasn't the case with her she was fierce and everything I wasn't. I've watched her transform from being the girl I loved to the woman I admire. Still fierce rivaled with her grace, talent, and will to always be herself. Kathryn has a pull on everyone she meets she can't be tamed or convinced into anything. She is who she is and I love that still to this day. I don't understand how no matter what Kathryn goes through she is always the same person, it never changes her outlook. She use to reach into the deepest parts of me and see the light, pulling it out. Conquering my demons. We are so different but I thought we were perfect that we fit like the missing piece to each other.

When we broke up I spiraled out of control. The drinking, partying, hell even my behavior changed. I didn't know how to be without her or how to be myself until she forced me to be. She doesn't see me like she used to. I can tell just by how she is around me. Always cautious waiting for me to explode. Like I did the first time I saw her after our break up. That night still haunts my memories. My friends knew better than to invite her but they did anyways to the biggest party of the year their graduation party. Some of the guys are the same age as Kathryn so we were celebrating. Her big brown eyes were the last thing I expected to see that night. I ended up drunk beyond my own control after she arrived. I couldn't take seeing her and not being able to touch her. She's never cared much for drinking. Even though she barely spoke two words to me all night. Staring at me in my drunken stupor. My head throbbing, I had lost my footing. All I see is Kats face hovering over me, trying to help me up off the concrete. The look in her eyes is the only thing that was registering. She was ashamed of me and it caused me to become enraged. I blew up called her a whore just for being there. It's not my finest hour but she didn't leave she stayed despite me showing my ass. I was so bad off she took me home that night. I cussed her and called her everything my drunk mind could think of. Yet she said nothing but "I'm sorry Alex I'm trying to help you. I couldn't stand it if something happened to you and I was there to witness it." It filled me with rage and I shouted back at her "Why the hell do you care? You don't want to be with me but here you are taking care of me even though I have dogged you all night." She pulled in my driveway and put the car in park. I went to grab the handle and she grabbed my arm. It stopped me cold reminding me of what we had and how much I still loved her. She said " Alex no matter what I will always love you that won't change no matter what happens or how much we grow apart. I loved you for so long and so much I can't remember why we didn't work. Until..." This statement hurt me and I can't even explain why I turned back to her and said "Until what? Until I act like my usual redneck drunken ass? Well you know what this is me. And you have a funny way of showing that you still love me. We would still be together if they were the case." I opened the door and got out. Making my way up the steps I reach out to unlock the door. I look back and she sitting with her head on the wheel. Before I say anything else, I open the door and go inside. Being in the car with her sobered me up! Leaning my head against the door just waiting to hear her car back up. Once she's gone out the driveway I hear footsteps coming into the kitchen. It's my mom with a concerned look on her face, I give her a smile and go to walk past her she says "You know you can't run from it forever. Y'all used to be a force together. Stop being stubborn." Just nodded I went straight to my room collapsing on my bed. She's right we were a force to reckon with now we are figuring each other apart.

We have moved on since then trying to be friends. Maybe I can win my way back into her heart if I can just get myself together. I know she's changed and grown into a woman and is no longer that teenage girl. But to me she will always be my first and brightest love.