Ultimatum

Twenty Six

Kathryn

I've always believed in enjoying the finer things in life which to me are a lot more simple than they seem. Like finishing a really good novel that I couldn't put down only to start another one. Having really good laughs with my sisters. Spending an hour in a bubble bath sipping wine. Sitting on my porch just to enjoy the setting sun. And having Nathan Hail being himself with me. He's been so raw with me in the last twenty-four hours. Being with him again, feeling his skin against mine, the touch of his hands. He is what I want forever. To wake up with, go to sleep with, and do every single moment of life together. He is drawing patterns across my back his touch aways blazing its trail along my skin. No man holds power over me not one ever. I can turn it off in an instant and the situation never crosses my mind again. Being with someone long term wasn't something I wanted. I didn't see that for myself. But here I am laying against his body wondering if I could be missing out? I am a sensible woman with that being said I don't have the best restraint when it comes to Nathan. He makes me feel things I've never felt before I can't explain it. I can't even begin to tell him how I feel. In this moment I realize I found my twin flame, my red string of fate that never breaks it's bond regardless of being stretched or tangled it remains forever bound to these two people. Could he be it for me? Finally relaxing my mind I drift off to sleep.

I wake up to Nathan screaming "Mom please stay! Please don't do this to dad. Don't do this to me." his eyes pinched shut. I flip the bedside light on my hands on his cheeks. "Nathan!! Nathan! Wake up. It's okay! Look at me." His arms jolting out almost knocking me off the bed, his eyes shoot open he's sweating, his breathing heavy and a frantic look on his beautiful face. He catches me and wraps his arms around me burying his face between my neck and my shoulder. He says "I'm sorry Kat! I'm so sorry! Did I hurt you? Are you alright? Damn bad dream." I pull back from him to study his face. "Sweets I'm fine! Are you okay? You were screaming at your mom? We can talk about it!" his eyes leaving mine glancing down as if he is ashamed. Touching his face " It's okay! You can tell me anything." he lets out a deep sigh "I've never told anyone but the day my mom left my dad had got into a bad motorcycle wreck. She left us at the hospital, with him in surgery to move her stuff out because she didn't want to be with him anymore. I was 17 it was hard for me to understand then how she just one day stopped loving and caring about him. But she did overnight or so I thought. What I didn't realize was my mother had met someone else and it had been going on for several years. My parents tried couples counseling, Tuck, was willing to forgive her and move past it. What I learned later was she didn't want that she couldn't forgive herself. She broke her vows their marriage in her eyes it was over. I was so mad at her for years. I couldn't forgive her for leaving him and me there not knowing if he may or may not make it. It changed me, I broke up with the girl I was dating Caroline, we had been together since ninth grade. But what I thought I knew about relationships was all a lie so I gave up on it, I didn't see a future with her. So I started sleeping around and drinking heavy. I became the guy that I didn't want to be but felt as if it were necessary to be heartless. Sometimes when I sleep after drinking I have that dream about the day she left. No expression on her face, not the mother I knew. We both adore my mom she was a saint. Since then we have fixed our relationship but it's not something I can forget." his eyes finally lifting to meet mine " Shortly after you & I started seeing each other she told me that I should invest myself more in a relationship than I do in my friends because they won't always be around. I smarted off at her because she can't give me advice on life when she left the man she had loved for twenty-five years for my stepdad John. That night I felt tossed aside like trash even though it wasn't me she was walking away from it sure as hell felt like it all the same. I had wanted a life like theirs, a marriage like theirs but look where they ended up." watching him be so fragile makes me want him to know how I truly feel, that I would never leave him feeling like this. I know it's not something I can guarantee, life not promised to anyone. I want to take that pain away from him. "Nathan I know it must have been a hard experience for you. There's nothing I can say or do to take that pain away. But hear me when I say that I care for you in a way I don't for others. Since we started being us you have been the only one. What I mean by that is you are the only one who fills my thoughts, the only one who I feel sees me for me. I don't trust people openly but with you I never had a choice." his face is worried he wasn't expecting me to react this way. He pulls away from me sinking my heart and gets out of the bed and starts getting dressed. "What did I say wrong?" he looks up at me after buttoning up his shirt and pulling on his boots then only says "Nothing... I just have to go." turning around in one swift movement and he's out the door. It doesn't register to me what happened until he's long gone I'm sitting up alone in my empty bed my head spinning from the turn of events. I fall back onto the pillows I don't understand him at all he confesses to me a painful memory then pulls away when I try to be there for him. Running my hand through my hair I am so frustrated. He has all these walls up a huge barricade he's built around himself every time I get closer to him it's ten steps back. What do I do from here? Wait to see if he comes around or let it go entirely. After almost a year of our back and forth I don't even know if we are progressing or digressing. He's so confident in who he is around everyone but when he is with me he's different he's letting me in but never has he just up and left.