The devil all the time// a short Matthew Gray gubler fanfic

7

4 months later

"So Matthew hits you?" Eleanor asked from the other side of the bar with a glass of wine in her hand, I told maya and el everything that's happened with me and matthew, they have now become two of my best friends and they were always seeing new bruises or marks on me. I nodded at her question "yeah, but only when he's angry" I said playing with my hands "that doesn't make it any better cherry, you need to hit him back" maya said leaning over the bar towards me a bit and taking my hand "I can't, I don't know why but when I try I stop myself from doing it, I had a gun to his head and all I had to do was pull the trigger then I would've been out of this place, but I couldn't do it, there's something about him that I can't get mad at, he doesn't mean to hurt me he's just angry" I said with tears brimming in my eyes, el and maya looked at each other with sad looks then looked at me "your in love with him, love is blind and sometimes you can't see when they are hurting you" maya squeezed my hand giving me a tight lipped smile, I shook my head at what she had said, I'm not in love with Matthew I would know "I'm not in love with him may, he's not doing anything wrong" I said "he's abusing you Darlene and you need to see it, we love you so so much and we're so sorry we can't help you get away from him" Eleanor said taking my other hand and wiping away my tears with her other one, it was quiet for a few seconds until I had an idea "I'll run away" I said looking up at both of them making them look at me with shocked expressions "what?" Maya said "I'm gonna run away to get out of this place, I'm gonna do it" I nodded my head "your insane cherry" maya spoke "maybe, but it's a win win for me" I shrugged looking at her "how?" El asked I sighed and cleared my throat "because, I asked Matthew why he brought me here when he could of just killed me to, he said he didn't want to kill me and that I saw him that's why he took me here, it didn't make sense to me that he took me but didn't take anyone else so I asked him, and he said that everyone in that night club was killed, even my best friend" I whispered the last part as I let tears escape my eyes "so, if I succeed in getting out of here alive I get to see my parents again and if I don't and he kills me, then I get to see Valerie again" I shrugged with a tight lipped smile, it was silent until maya spoke up "I still don't think you should do it, it's a bad idea" she shook her head, I was going to do this and nothing was changing my mind "I know" I nodded standing up and just as I did the door opened and Matthew walked in "oh, hey" he said looking at maya and Eleanor they gave him a small wave then looked back at me, they stood up and walked to the door "bye, I'll see you whenever I see you" I smiled leaning on the door slightly "we love you cherry" Eleanor whispered with a sad smile "I love you to" I whispered back, I watched as the two of them went next door into their apartments, I closed the door and walked to the bar sitting in the seat maya was sitting in and finishing the rest of my wine "so, are you still saying no to playing me one of your songs?" He asked from the kitchen I rolled my eyes and turned around to look at him "I'm not playing you my songs, I have nothing to play them on" I said with the wine glass in my hand "then don't play the tapes, sing it now" he shrugged looking at me now leaning on the couch "no, I have no instruments to play while singing" I shook my head, I missed singing and playing the guitar so much and the piano, it was everything I ever wanted in life but now it's been ripped away from me forever "I have an acoustic guitar and a keyboard upstairs, I wanted to get into the whole music thing but it never happened so they've never been used, you can have them if you want" he said walking over standing in front of me with his arms crossed "are you serious?" I asked excitedly with wide eyes he chuckled and nodded his head "want me to go get them? He asked I nodded with a big smile, he went upstairs and a few minutes later he came back with a guitar and a keyboard making my face light up, he put them in front of the window so I walked over and sat at the small chair that came with the keyboard "are we even allowed near the window? What if someone sees us?" I asked looking at him "they won't, the windows are made so you can see out but no one can see in" he spoke I raised my eyebrows in amusement, that's pretty cool, it was silent until I decided to speak up "okay, I'm gonna play a song and you have to guess it, okay?" I turned around to where he was sitting on the couch on his phone "Darlene I-" he was going to continue but I cut him off "no, no, no, you've been bugging me for months about how you want to hear me sing and now that I'm going to your saying no" I said raising my eyebrows at him "okay, go ahead" he said standing up walking over to the window where I was sitting, he pulled up a stool sitting just a few inches away from me, I cleared my throat and let out a breath, I don't know why but I was nervous, I've never been nervous to sing in front of anyone before, but now I am and it does not feel great. I started to play the start of the song as his eyes went from me to the keyboard trying to figure it out, I stopped playing and looked at him he shook his head still not getting the song, I rolled my eyes letting out a sigh as I started to play it again singing this time "I'm trying to hold my breath Let it stay this way Can't let this moment end You set off a dream in me Gettin' louder now Can you hear it echoing" I sang (she sings the way Jenny Lind sings in the movie but just imagine Darlene's voice is more girl like than lady like if you know what I mean) i looked up at Matthew and he was just looking at me, I took my hands off the keyboard and felt a wave of nervousness wash over me "keep going" he said softly pulling his stool closer to me, I gave him a small nod and continued playing it again "Take my hand
Will you share this with me?
'Cause darling, without you
All the shine of a thousand spotlights
All the stars we steal from the night sky
Will never be enough, never be enough
Towers of gold are still too little
These hands could hold the world but it'll
Never be enough, never be enough for me, never, never, never, never" as I sang I kept my eyes on my hands but I could feel his on me. I finished the song and looked up "wow, your voice is amazing" he said with a small smile "thank you" I smiled shyly looking at my hands "what song was that?" He asked I looked at him so see he was squinting his eyes with his eyebrows frowned "you've never seen the greatest showman?" I asked in complete shock "no" he shook his head "okay well put that on your bucket list, it's the best movie ever and it has an amazing soundtrack, like it's up there with the mama Mia soundtrack that's how good it is" I said making him chuckle "noted" he nodded his head, it was silent as I looked out the window over the beautiful city of los Vegas "it's Called never enough by Jenny Lind" I said realising that I never answered his question "it's a great song" he said I nodded then we soon fell into comfortable silence.
"Matthew?" I asked looking down at my hands playing with my fingers "hmm" he hummed I looked at him making him look at me "do you think I could go outside for fresh air" I asked making his face drop "absolutely not" he chuckled standing up and walking to the kitchen making me follow after him "please, I won't do anything" I begged "I don't trust you" he shook his head "you can come down with me, please, I need out of this place, I haven't been outside in months, you can't just keep me up here forever" I said with my voice raised slightly "see, that's where you've got it wrong, I can and will keep you up here forever" he said lowly turning to walk away from me but I grabbed his hand the touch of his making my heart skip a beat "please matthew, I'm begging you" I said almost as a whisper holding his hand with the two of mine "fine, but only for a minute or so, I'm taking shemar with us" he spoke sitting on the couch, I squealed and ran to get my shoes, I was in a black crop top with black short shorts I couldn't be bothered changing I was to excited "okay let's go" I smiled standing in front of him putting my hair up into a messy bun, if I was going to be running then I can't have my hair get in the way, I froze at the fact that if I do get away I won't have my any of my music, it's fine I'll redo the tapes I know all the songs off by heart anyways, I was snapped out of my daze when I heard a knock on the door, Matthew stood up and walked to the door opening it revealing the one and only shemar Moore "hey lil mama" he smiled at me with a wave "what's cooking good looking" I grinned up at him as I stood beside Matthew, shemar laughed as Matthew rolled his eyes at me "okay can we just go? Are you not getting changed?" Matthew asked as we walked out the door "no, why would I need to" I asked not like I'm going to run away or anything "i don't know cause you don't look like a baby prostitute or anyway" Matthew said "ew" I said making me look up at him with a disgusted look on my face. We got to the doors and I took a deep breathe, I'm so ready for this, I walked out the revolving door with shemar and Matthew on either side of me, as soon as the hot air hit my skin I shut my eyes and inhaled "ugh, this feels so good" I moaned slightly leaning my head on shemar's huge bicep "heard that before" Matthew said making me hit his chest, shemar chuckled at Matthews joke and I glared at him. I walked over to the greenery that was at the small soil patch, I reached my hands out to touch the nice leafs and flowers that had grown, I looked behind me to see that Matthew and shemar were talking to each other and they were a good distance away from me, this would be a perfect time to run, please god be on my side today, I breathed in through my nose and out my mouth then looked down the alley, then the next thing I knew I was running as fast as humanly possible down the concrete path, I was nearly at the end I was so close to being free until I felt the same strong arms around my waist but tighter this time making it hard for me to breathe "you fucking bitch" he said angrily in my ear, shemar ran done and held onto my ankles so I couldn't kick anymore "get off!!"I screamed punching Matthew's arms, I could kick shemar in the face but I couldn't, I really liked him we have grown close "you think I'm gonna let you go now after pulling that stunt? Ohh no I don't think so" I said making me cry and scream more "stop" I cried looking down at shemar who looked away from me, I stopped kicking and punching and put my head back letting out cry's "Darlene?" I heard an all to familiar voice say I shot my head to the side to see my best friend walking up to me "Valerie?" I said with wide eyes "let her go matthew" shemar said letting go of my ankles and taking a few steps back away from us "I said let her go G" shemar raised his voice Matthew let me go and I ran into my best friends arms sobbing into her embrace "oh my god, I thought you were dead" I cried "you thought I was dead, I thought you were dead" she said pulling away from me and cupping my cheeks "I've missed you so much" I said putting my hands on top of hers "I missed you to cherry" she whispered she looked behind me and her face dropped I followed her gaze and it was on Matthew and shemar "who are they?" She asked worriedly "Val, you need to listen to me" I said taking her hand and squeezing it but she never did she just kept her gaze on Matthew "who are they Darlene" she smoke sternly "Val, their no one okay, I'm going to be okay, you need to listen to me" I cried cupping her face "I love you Val, I love you so much" I said but she shook her head "no, no, tell me who they ar-" she said before a loud bang was heard making me jump and shut my eyes, I opened them and I really wish I didn't, as I opened my eyes I seen my best friend of 11 years with a bullet wound right between her eyes, it felt like everything was in slow motion, I screamed as her lifeless body hit the floor, Matthew put one arm around me and pulled me back but I pushed him off running over to Valerie, I pulled her onto my lap as I sobbed "what the fuck have you done!" I screamed looking up to Matthew who had a gun in his hand and no expression on his face, I turned back to look at Val covering her wound with my hand "I'm so sorry" I sobbed resting my head on hers and pulling her closer "Darlene, you need to get up" I heard shemar say but i ignored him and held onto my dear best friend, I felt two hands grab me by my arms and pull me up making me kick and and scream "get the fuck off!!" I screamed "hey, hey, hey, shhh it's okay" I noticed that it was shemar so I stopped fighting and started at Valerie's body, he stood in front of me holding my arms lightly, I looked up at him but i couldn't see from the amount of tears "this is all my fault" I cried more closing my eyes then I felt two arms wrap them self around me and a head rest in him "no, baby it's not your fault" he said rubbing my back, I looked up to see where Matthew was, he was walking back into the building, anger built up inside me as I felt my feet take me to the entrance of the building following him "why don't you go ahead and kill me to" I yelled from behind him "you think I won't?" He asked Turning around facing me "No, I don't think you will" I shook my head, i knew he wouldn't think twice about shooting me but that's what i wanted, I wanted to die, I had literally nothing to lose. He pulled out his gun and pointed it at my chest, I walked closer and put his hand up so the gun was now pressed to my head "go on, take me out just like you did with her! I would rather be dead than spend one more fucking second with you!!" I screamed he cocked the gun still holding it to my head, I closed my eyes ready to die taking a deep breath "put the fucking gun done now" I heard someone say angrily I opened my eyes and saw Eleanor walking over to me, Louis Liam and maya behind her, Matthew put the gun down making my heart drop "noo!" I sobbed falling to the floor, el walked over to me faster pulling me into her "why would you do that! Why!?" I screamed pushing her off me "it's okay cherry" she whispered into my hair pulling me closer as I sobbed into her arms.
I walked into the house after Matthew and slammed the door shut "why did you do it?" I yelled following him to the kitchen "she saw us Darlene, did you think I was going to let her walk away? don't be so stupid" he said shaking his head with a chuckle "she wouldn't of told anyone if I told her not to!" I yalled at him, he hit the knifes making them come flying off the counter onto the floor next to me, he walked over to me but I bent down and grabbed the biggest knife holding it in front of me "don't you dare come near me" I said sternly making him stop in his tracks but then he started walking again "I'll stab myself, is that what you want, huh?" I said pointing the knife at my stomach "put the knife down Darlene" he said making me laugh while tears feel down my face "this isn't funny, put it down" he raised his voice I walked backwards to the door holding the knife to him again, I ran out the door with Matthew following me "give it to me, now" he held out his hand "no" I shook my head letting out a sob "I can see that you don't want to hurt me darling, so just give me the knife, okay?" He said softly making me burst into a sob, I went onto my knees slowly loosening my grip on the knife which Matthew must had noticed because he kicked it out of my hand. He grabbed me by the hair at the back of my head trying to pull me up making me go into a panic attack, I kept sobbing and I couldn't breathe properly "Darlene, what wrong?" He asked letting go of my hair, I wrapped my arms around my self and closed my eyes shut breathing heavily rocking myself back and fourth trying to calm down "I.. I need a blanket" I said in between sobs "why?" He asked "panic...panic attack" I stuttered squeezing my arms tighter, a few seconds later I heard shuffling then I was being pulled into someone, I smelled his cologne which calmed me down slightly but I was still tensed up, I opened my eyes slightly to see that I was in between Matthews legs and he had his arms wrapped around me tightly with his head resting on mine, I rested my head on his chest more and grabbed a handful of his shirt still breathing heavy "calm down" he whispered to me planting a kiss on my head, I looked up at him our faces inches away from each other's, he raised his hand making me flinch, he placed his hand on the side of my neck rubbing his thumb over my cheekbone, when I looked at him it hurt, sometimes it was a good hurt but other times it wasn't, maya said that love can be blind, and she's right, because I'm experiencing it right now. I looked from his eyes down to his lips feeling myself lean in, my lips connecting with his, I put my hand on his cheek as he leaned into the kiss as well, this felt so right, but it was so wrong. He pulled away and looked at me licking his lips "I think we should go in" he said softly I nodded my head and stood up walking behind him to the apartment, when I got in I sat down on the couch while Matthew went upstairs. A few minutes went by and I was nearly falling asleep then Matthew came back down changed into his normal black joggers and T-shirt "hey, Darlene, go upstairs, you can't sleep on the couch again" he spoke softly I huffed and sat up rubbing my eyes, I nodded and stood up walking upstairs with him following me, i opened the door and turned on the light but it didn't turn on making me confused, there was a little bit of light in the room I walked in and looked around to see that my bed didn't have a mattress on it and my light bulb and lamps have been taken away "where's my mattress?" I asked turning to him "I'm sorry I have to do this Darlene, but you tried to run away, and I don't tolerate that" he shook his head shutting the door and locking it "no, Matthew wait" I said walking to the door but ha had closed it before I could get to him, I looked behind me and the room was pitch black making me panic "Matthew, open the door, this isn't funny" I raised my voice banging on the door, he didn't say anything "Matthew, open the fucking door!" I yelled banging on it more letting tears escape my eyes, I kicked and banged my fists on the door for another minute but he never came back, I crawled over to the corner of the room and sat with my knees pressed to my chest, this is the worst day of my life.