The devil all the time// a short Matthew Gray gubler fanfic

12

⚠️TW AHEAD⚠️
Me Eleanor Maya Shemar and Matthew were all in the living room and we were all a bit drunk, I haven't talked to Matthew at all and I don't want to what he did last night was horrible and I'm still hurting from it, I finished the song though. We were all dancing and singing but I stopped remembering I had something in my pocket from earlier "oh! I have something for you all" I smiled wiggling my eyebrows "oh what is it?" Maya said jumping up off the couch making her way to me, I gave her a smirk and went to the bar where my jacket was, I was wearing black spandex shorts with a black crop top with a gym bra under it, I pulled out a small bag with white powder in it, I leaned on the counter and held it up with a grin  "oh! Yes me first!" Maya spoke excitedly clapping her hands making me chuckle "you up for it?" I asked looking back at Lenore, she hesitated but stood up with a shrug "that's a girl" I said about to open the bag "where the fuck did you get that from?" Matthew said angrily "it's nothing to do with you" I spat shaking my head opening the bag and about to put it on the bar but he got up and grabbed it from me "where the fuck did you get this Darlene!" He shouted "why the fuck do you care?!" I yelled back trying to grab it but he pulled it away "you need to watch who you buy drugs off of, the guys here don't give a fuck if you die or not, they lace coke with all different type of shit" he yelled at me "well quite frankly my dear, I don't give a fuck if I die or not" I shrugged grabbing the bag from him and putting the white powder on the bar, I could feel Matthew glaring at me so I looked up at him "you know what? Fine I don't care do whatever you want but if you od, I'm not gonna be the one who saves you" he said walking back to the couch and sitting down looking at his phone, I chuckled and looked at Lenore "I got it from Mitch, chill out" I said rolling my eyes "do you have a note and a card?" I asked may and Lenore, el nodded and handed me a not and a card, I crushed it up more and put it into lines "mar do you want one?" I asked looking up at him "nah, I'm good" he chuckled shaking his head sitting on the couch, I shrugged and looked back at the girls "more for us" I said making them chuckle, may went first then me then Lenore, as soon and we came up it hit us making me let out a sigh of satisfaction.
It was an hour later and I was dancing to Harry styles blaring through the living room, I was now wearing just my shorts and a gym bra, Lenore and may also wearing the same as they cuddled up with each other on the couch next to mar. I sighed and planted myself on the couch cuddling with them, a few minutes later we heard a knock at the door making me sit up "turn that shit off" Matthew spat standing up and walking to the door, I stood up and got the remote Turing the music down, I looked to the door to see the last person I wanted to, grace Peterson, I took in a sharp breath as she walked in the house wearing all white again, I wanted to punch her so bad, I was standing glaring at her then I felt a hand on mine, I looked down to see mar giving me a tight lipped smile, I gave him one back as I cleared my throat pulling my hand back "hello everyone" she smiled looking around her, may and Lenore just hummed obviously not happy that she's here which made me chuckle "Darlene" she nodded to me with a fake smile "grace" I said back crossing my arms over my chest, I walked to the kitchen and got a glass of water downing it before I went back to the living room, grace was sitting on her phone not paying attention while Matthew was doing the same making me roll my eyes at the sight, I swear if I roll my eyes again they will come out of my head "why don't you play us one of your songs cherry?" Mar said from beside me, I raised my eyebrows and looked at him "hmm I don't know" I said shaking my head "yeah cherry, play us one of your songs" grace said with a disgusting fake smile that showed her teeth, the fact that she called me cherry made me more mad, only my friends call me that and she's certainly not a friend, she's an enemy "fine" I said giving her a fake smile making sure she seen me go straight faced after, I could feel Matthew glaring at me again.
I got the guitar and sat on Mars lap starting to play it then sang the song I had just finished this morning "I still remember, third of September, me in your sweater you said it looked better on me than it did you only if you knew, how much I liked you  but I watched your eyes as she walks by what a sight for sore eyes, brighter than a blue Sky she's got you mesmerised while I die,  why would you rather kiss me I'm not even half as pretty you gave her your sweater, it's just polyester but you like her better, I wish I were heather" I sang as everyone listened in, well not everyone grace was on her phone like usual.
"that was amazing cherry, I love it" Eleanor spoke looking at me "thank you lenore" I smiled at her I looked at Matthew and he was already looking at me, he had a look on his face, one that I don't get to see that often, his face had softened and his eyes were lighter, the look of him made my heart ache "yeah it was really good baby" mar said making me smile, I kissed him on the cheek then stood up putting the guitar away then went back to mar and sat on his lap "are you two together? you guys are cute" grace spoke up making me look up from mar and to her "no" I spoke "hm, I guess you haven't changed then" she said looking back at her phone, I frowned my eyebrows and looked at her "what are you trying to say?" I asked standing up and crossing my arms, she sighed and looked at me "what I'm trying to say is that your a slut" grace spat making me raise my eyebrow and let out a laugh "yeah right, okay, says the girl who would fucked anything that moved back in high school, including my boyfriend" I chuckled "oh darling, you can't come for me when you slept with three guys in one night at a frat party" she laughed, I glared at her trying not to fly over the table and strangle her "get her baby" I heard Shemar whisper to me, I looked at him and gave him a look "your dad would be so proud if he could see you now" she said making me see red "oh wait, that's right, he can't" she said standing up walking over to me, god please don't say what I think your going to say "cause he's in prison for being a disgusting wife beater who rapes woman" she said with a smirk, I felt my eyes tear up as rage built up more within me, next thing I knew I was on top of her throwing punches, I kept punching as tears fell from my face then two arms flew around my waist pulling me up and off her making me punch kick and scream, the arms didn't belong to Matthew they belonged to Shemar so I stopped kicking "get out!" I heard Matthew yell at her as I leaned on the bar trying to calm my breathing, mentioning my father is a big trigger to me, I know he's in prison but I always have the fear of him getting out "but Matty-" she started but he cut her off "get the fuck out grace!" He yelled soon I heard the door shut, mar was rubbing my back trying to calm me but it wasn't working "Darlene, I'm so sor-" he said coming towards me and putting his hand on my back but I cut him off and pushed him back "get the fuck away from me, this is all your fault" I yelled as he looked at me "I didn't know she knew you and I didn't know about your dad, I thought you lived with him? You told me he was a nice guy, did he hurt you?" He asked coming closer "shut the fuck up, you really wanna know what happened with my dad? Huh? Well he used to hit me and my mom everyday and he raped her, I've struggled my whole life with bipolar and depression, it started to go so well for us when he finally went to prison and my mom met Arthur and then you come along, you ruined my life just when I had it back on track, I hate you, I hate you for not letting me finally breathe, I hate it" I sobbed whispering the last part, everyone was quiet as I sobbed into my hands "Darlene I'm sorry I didn't know" Matthew spoke up but I soon shut him down "just please leave me alone" I cried as I stared at the floor with my arms crossed over my chest, I wiped away my tears and moved one of my hands to my hair pulling at it slightly as I turned around and walked upstairs.
I got to my room and shut my door making sure to lock it, I heard them all arguing and shouting at one another, but I shut them out. I walked to my bathroom and sat in between the toilet and the shower with my knees up to my chest, I can't live this life anymore, I'm never going to leave here I'll need to spend my whole life with a monster, but I'm in love with him so I can't leave, but he doesn't give a shit about me, the only thing he'd be losing is a shitty assistant, I'm a burden to him, if I do this I'll be doing him a favour. I turned on the shower and took off my clothes keeping on my bra and underwear then folding them nicely on the toilet seat, I let my hair down and brushed it then took my razor blade with some paracetamol and other pills that I don't know the name of or what their for, I walked into my shower and sat down taking a deep breath as I looked at the stuff in front of me, I'm finally going to be free, I picked up the small plastic tub of pills and downed them all and then the paracetamol downing them to, this should work, I then picked up the blade and glided it across both my arms a few times, I dropped the blade making it fall onto the floor as blood came flooding out my arms making me feel light headed, my hearing started to go and so did my vision which made me panic, I didn't like this. I heard a few bangs at my door making me get a fright, I was half asleep, or half dead, I couldn't tell, I had my back rested on the shower wall with my arms on either side of me and my head down with my eyes closed "Darlene, open up I need to talk to you" I heard Matthew's voice calmly say through my door I couldn't speak so I just let out a small groan "Darlene!" He yelled I sat there with my head rested on the wall trying to find enough energy to shout out to him but I couldn't it just came out as sobs, the banging on the door got louder "I'm coming in Darlene!" He yelled kicking at the door, after three kicks the door was down and he came running into the bathroom, soon his eyes were locked onto me "oh my god" he whispered in shock walking towards me turning the shower off, I was half unconscious so I couldn't really tell exactly what was happening, I looked up at him "I'm so sorry" I said as I cried holding my arms up to my chest so he couldn't see my wrists, he came closer to me making me flinch and put my head down "hey, it's okay, let me see" he said softly taking my hands in his, his eyes moved to the bottle of pills and the blade and I could see the panic in his eyes "come here, come here" he pulled me lightly to him putting me in between his legs and wrapping his arms around me not caring if he got soaking wet, I started to shake because I was cold which made him hold me tighter "Shemar! You need to phone an ambulance now!" He yelled as his voice cracked, as the second went by I faded off, making it harder to hear and see "baby I'm so sorry" he whispered into my ear as he rocked us back and forth, then everything went black, I think I've let go.