I Am Legal || Merlin

five

third person - arthur

Arthur woke up to a blinding light and a soft-spoken Merlin. He ate breakfast after giving Merlin a list of chores, the room silent except for the sloshing of water.

Arthur wanted Merlin to talk back. To insult him or scream at him. He wanted Merlin to react.

A large part of Arthur felt horrible. He knew how he was treating Merlin was wrong. It wasn't like he hadn't consented to the kiss. Like he hadn't asked for it.

It wasn't like he didn't want it.

The other part of him, the smaller part, was so scared. If Uther found out, Arthur didn't know what would happen.

Would he kill his own son?

He would definitely kill Merlin. Arthur shuddered at the thought. If Uther ever found out, he would surely make Arthur watch as he burned, beheaded, or drowned Merlin.

Arthur wasn't sure which was worse.

So the only solution Arthur could think of was to be a jerk. If he stayed away from Merlin and acted like he hated him, everything would be okay.

But he didn't want that. All he wanted was to hold and kiss Merlin. All he wanted was to apologize and hear Merlin laugh again.

When Merlin finished washing the floors, he left to put the bucket and cloth away. Arthur was still seated at the table deep in thought. His breakfast basically untouched.

A few minutes later the door opened and Merlin walked in looking worried. Arthur hated that look on Merlin. He hated it even more with the knowledge that he's the reason it's there.

"You are dismissed," Arthur said with a wave of his hand and a calculated side-eye. He needed to seem angry.

"Arthur," Merlin started, startling Arthur at the use of his first name. "Can we talk?"

Finally, Arthur thought, he's being more normal. Still a bit timid but normal.

"Sure," he said, sounding indifferent. Arthur wanted to kick himself for that.

"About last week," he paused, "about the kiss." Merlin hesitated, almost trying to gauge Arthurs reaction. 

"Yes, the... kiss." He didn't want to sound so disgusted. He truly didn't. It was just instinct.

Act as though the thought of homosexuality is disgusting and you won't get killed.

"I understand why you're so angry about it." Arthur went to interrupt but Merlin spoke up, quickly and loudly. "You've watched your father kill thousands of homosexuals for your whole life. Of course you're not okay with it. I understand and I'm sorry."

Arthur sat there shellshocked. He couldn't believe Merlin was apologizing. And he thought Arthur didn't accept homosexuals?

Arthur wanted so badly to grab and shake Merlin for being so stupid. But, Arthur reminded himself, everything he'd done and said only reflected homophobia. His actions this last week screamed his disgust with homosexuals.

With Merlin.

"Stop," he suddenly whispered, body surging forward a bit. He went to stand up but thought against it. He didn't want to startle Merlin.

"Arthur?"

"Don't apologize. You did nothing wrong. I let you kiss me. I asked you to kiss me."

"But I should have-."

"No! You did nothing wrong." Arthur needed Merlin to understand that nothing was his fault. "And I'm okay with homosexuals. I'm okay with you."

"But not yourself," Merlin pointed out, finally taking a seat adjacent to Arthur. Arthur sighed, he didn't know what to think.

Did he accept himself? Clearly not if the last week was anything to go by. But he wanted to. Arthur wanted to accept himself and be happy.

"I-," he paused, thinking about what he wanted to say. This was important. Very important.

"We don't have to be together," Merlin blurted our quickly. "In a relationship or anything." He looked down. Arthur smiled softly.

God, he thought, Merlin was perfect.

"I want to be." Arthur chuckled softly when Merlin whipped his head up, eyes wide and mouth open slightly. "I'll need time. Time to... accept myself and us but I want to be with you."

In an instant, Merlin sprung forward and pulled Arthur into a hug. He laughed gleefully, arms tightening. Arthur just smiled before gently pulling away.

"But we have to hide it," he said seriously. His face was so close to Merlin's. Arthur wanted to kiss him.

"Of course, dollophead." Arthur rubbed his hand up and down Merlin's back. They were so close. Arthur wanted to kiss him.

So he did.

As they kissed, Arthur felt warmth spread through his chest, his shoulders feeling light. A huge weights lifted itself off of his shoulders, a wave of pure calmness washing over the prince.

They pulled back after a few seconds, a smile pulling at both their lips. Arthur chuckled softly and ran his hand through Merlin's hair.

This was nice, he thought.

"I'm sorry for how I treated you, Merlin." Arthur didn't want to ruin the moment but he needed to apologize. "And for the quill yesterday," he added, forehead pressed up against Merlin's.

Merlin just smiled and pecked Arthur's lips. "Don't worry about it. I forgive you. Just do better in the future," he said, voice full of affection.

God, Arthur was so happy.

-

Sorry this is kind of late. I'm not too happy with this chapter but I don't know how to make it any better.

I'm not trying to make excuses but I've just been so uninspired to write. I might have to go rewatch a few episodes of Merlin to get myself back on track.

Also, Arthur's thoughts were really hard to write for some reason, oops. Hope they were good enough!

I'll do better in the future, I promise!

Oh, this is also shorter than usual (I'm really messing up today, huh?) so I'll try and make next week's extra long!

I hope you enjoyed, nonetheless!!

Have a wonderful day/night :}