Complicated Love

Trying To Put The Pieces Together

                        *Bre's prov*

It's been a three months and two days since Johnathan shot himself in front of me.  And in that three months and two days I haven't been myself. Not talking, barley eating, and most definitely not leaving my auntie's house for nothing. I couldn't stay at my house because I couldn't stand to be there knowing that's where Johnathan took his life. James has been bringing me my work from school and staying with me but it seems like im bothering him or something is on his mind.

"James you don't have to stay here like im a baby I can handle myself. Go hoop or something ill be ight"

"Nah im good where im at"

"You could leave James im good ight"

We both were quiet thinking, when James caught me totally off guard with his hands on his head and his head down.

"You're still in love with him ain't it"

"In love with who James?"

"Don't play fucking dumb with me Bre. You're sitting here locked up in the room all depressed and shit, crying every fucking night, and calling out for Johnathan throughout the night when you do sleep."

"JAMES HE GOT DAMN SHOT HIMSELF IN FUCKING FRONT OF ME!!!!"

"I understand that Bre and I know it takes time to get yourself back together but I fucking need you. On that day after the gun went off I fucking ran to you as if my life own life depended on it. And to came to see you holding his hand, crying hysterically wishing it was you fucking tore me apart. I got damn muther fucking love your ass Bre with all I have and im fucking losing you again. "

I watched in silence as he finally came out and told me how he really felt and to be honest he was right. I loved Johnathan he was my first love and I never really knew how much I loved him till he was gone. But I am in love with James, which is a big difference he just doesn't understand that people mourn differently and that I am traumatized.

"James I love you and only you baby....its just.....it's hard knowing that someone who you use to feel so much for just.......take their life because of you. Like how do I get over that bae"

I said not realizing that tears were rolling down my face till he wiped them away. He looked me dead in my eyes and just starred trying tell what was going on in my mind. I knew he wouldn't like what he saw Cause she shook his head and sighed really loud.

"Why are we having so much problems Bre, like it shouldn't be like this. I mean we had drama back in the day but it was nothing like now."

"Really James......I can't anymore. I'm a wreck Trying To Put The Pieces Together and the one who has my heart is just shutting me out"

"It ain't even like that Bre you know I love you it's just......im doing the exact thing I promised you I wasn't gonna do"

"We can work it out James, remember if you put in a hundred percent i'll put in one fifty"

He seemed as if he was contemplating on whether or not he should. My small smile was slowly turning into a frown. Like he's really thinking bout leaving me, after all the shit we've been through. Like I gave him my all and he was really just gone shit on me like this.

"I love you with all I have but if you're not happy James im not happy, and if being happy is leaving me then gone ahead. At least I know I would always have a friend"

"I don't wanna be your fucking friend Bre. I can't make love to my friend and I feel like im at my best when im with you"

He climbed on top of me and kissed me with so much passion and love that nothing else in the world mattered. Making love to me that night that made me forget all my problems and just focus on the one that's helping me get my shit together.