Another Regular Day?

Chapter 9: Thoughts and Plans

Walking back to my room, I think about what I have ahead of me. First, I tried being a hero and it didn't work out. It got one of my two best friends killed. Second, my family thinks I'm either dead or missing. How could I explain it to them? Who knows if I'll even see them again? I mean what would I say? "Hey mom and dad. Uh, I kinda joined a criminal organization that I can't leave. By the way, I've gotten my friend killed and met his murderer." Yeah right. Plus, I'm now part of an organization who has criminals who probably all want me dead. Oh yeah, I also have to kill my trainer along with destroying this place.

So, yeah that's a lot to think about. But hey, that's just another regular day right? Now, I have a few questions.

What does this make me? Am I good? Or am I evil? How does one even define these traits? I mean sure, I tried saving people. I tried taking down the man who's murdered possibly tons of people. I will take down this place.

Does that make me good? But if so, why do I feel the need to kill these people? What gives me the right to murder these people? I know it's not because it's the right thing. No, I wont even lie to myself. It's for revenge. In fact, it's more like a need to kill. People like S and Hades need to die. But should it be me who has to kill them? I think so. Does this make me evil?

I don't know what I am. I don't even know who I am. Am I Change? Am I Clint? I look at the mirror in my bathroom, and realize that I barely recognize myself. My physical features are the same sure, but the look in my eyes is different. I can see a rage that I didn't know I had. I see hatred and sadness. But most of all, I see fear.

Most of these traits I don't get where they came from. All I do understand is the fear. The fear of failing again. The fear of having those I love being slain. The fear of the way I will die. The fear that I won't be able to avenge Matt. I'm afraid that I won't be able to protect people. I'm afraid that I won't be able to get revenge. I'm afraid of myself. I'm terrified of becoming dangerous, of becoming evil. I would be horrified if I become a murderer and then love it. 

Will I become what I fear most? Will I be what I want to be? In fact that's a lie everyone is told when they are young. No one can truly become what they want, can they? I mean, I wanted to be a hero or someone who mattered. What I ended up becoming is an indirect murderer. I became an ally to criminals. I became someone who needs to remove and eliminate evil.

In fact, how will I destroy Cerberus? I'm one guy. I'm just a kid! These people are adults who have spent years training. If I couldn't even take down S, how do I expect to defeat hundreds of people loyal to Cerberus? How will I defeat the most powerful of them? How do I kill Hades? My whole plan was pretty much defeat them all. It was a dumb plan because I can't take hundreds down if I can't take down one. 

What if I didn't need to kill all of them. What if? Of Course! I don't have to take them all down. Maybe, I just need to make my way up the ladder and then defeat Hades. Once I take him down, I can be in control. But, it's easier said than done. Everything is.

I realized that just a few days ago, that I was just some kid. Now, I plan on going on some crazy adventure. And why? Is it destiny? Or is it just because it happened this way?

Thinking of the people I have in my life makes me think that maybe I just made some new friends. Shift and Quickmind are probably the only nice people I've met so far. Maybe they could help me in my so-called mission. After fighting S, they would be part of my group if I understood things correctly. I wouldn't do anything without asking though. Considering what I've seen from them so far, I don't think they would go against me too easily. Actually, I think Quickmind might have a crush on me. Not that it matters.

I need to find out what Bull and Reflex's weaknesses are. To do that, I would need to either fight with them, or see them fight. Tomorrow's training again so maybe I could cause them to fight. I also need to see what abilities S has. For that, I'll need to ask Shift. I could just ask Shift what Bull and Reflex's weaknesses are, but I kinda want to mess with them. It shouldn't be too hard to fight them though considering I took both of them down last time with no problem.

Oh well. I'm too tired to do anything right now. I need to sleep.

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Author's note: Sorry for the short chapter. Expect longer ones soon though. Please let me know what you think, all feedback is appreciated. Oh by the way I've been thinking. What would you guys think if I did a chapter in someone else's POV? Nothing is official yet so let me know. Thanks again for supporting me and until next time, see ya.