~seesaw~

eight

"Yeosang?" Seonghwa cried out at the silhouette seated on a bridge over the peaceful river. "Sangie... what are you doing here?"

The older felt relieved. At least Yeosang wasn't dead.

Yeosang looked at his ex with tears in his eyes, struggling to speak and slurring his words. Seongwha's eyes moved to the almost empty bottle of vodka beside the younger. "Sangie... he knelt beside him, debating whether or not to stroke his cheek with his thumb.

"I can't..." Yeosang sobbed, looking beyond Seonghwa. "I want you but I can't have you,"

Seonghwa felt stupid for having an ounce of hope within him. "Maybe we can work it out, Sangie."

Are you stupid?

Yeosang smiled sadly. "I wish. But everything's complicated. The feelings aren't going to be the same anymore. It's going to take ages for us to feel normal again... like we used to."

Seonghwa's already drowned heart sank further upon hearing those hopeless words. "I'm sorry,"

Maybe he should have been the one sitting at that bridge. Maybe he should have been the one drowning in the river beneath them. He shook his head in distress as if to shake away those thoughts. His focus had to be on Yeosang right now.

"Yeosang..." Seonghwa closed his eyes... he felt so hopeless. Could he even save Yeosang? What if he couldn't? He was the reason the younger felt this way after all, wasn't he?

"It isn't your fault... never your fault," Yeosang choked out as if he had just read Seonghwa's mind. 

Either way, it didn't matter.  Everything was messed up now. And after Yeosang had downright said there was no hope for them anymore, what was the point of even trying anymore?

"Yeosang, listen..." Seonghwa started again, clearing his throat. "I don't know what will happen to us. Maybe we'll never be the same again. But I know that I don't want to lose you like this. Please, let's get out of here. Please don't even consider-" he tried to find the words, "this- whatever this is. Don't. Please..."

Yeosang took a deep, shaky breath and looked up at the older. With a sad smile, he shook his head. "We're not together anymore, Seonghwa. You don't have to do this anymore. I'm not your responsibility..."
He stood up, dusting his thighs off. "Let's not kid ourselves. We're both messed up and we both want an escape." Yeosang held his hand out for Seonghwa, who was now standing up, to hold but Seonghwa looked at him in disbelief, not wanting to predict what he was going to say next. Yeosang continued, "Join me? Let's die together. That would be beautiful, wouldn't it?"

Seonghwa pulled his hand back, "Yeosang, what the hell are you saying? Don't say things like that- fuck!" 

Yeosang looked at him, confused because he didn't understand what he had done wrong. "Didn't we always say? That we'll die together?"

"This isn't what we meant!" Seongwha took a shaky breath, looking around trying to figure out what the hell he was supposed to do. Could he call Yoongi? No, that would take too long. 
"Yeosang... Please, I don't want this. I don't want to die like this... I don't want you to die." 

Yeosang looked at him with teary eyes. "I want to be with you! I can't live without you and as stupid as that sounds, it's true! I hate how we couldn't work out but I hate even more that we could've worked out if we were just... normal."

"We are normal... life is shit something, Sangie..." Shit... "I'm sorry. But still, we'll get through it, and... I'll be by your side if you ever need me. I would rather still be in contact with you and not get over you than have you fucking kill yourself, Yeosang. I still care about you!" Seonghwa almost screamed the last part.

Yeosang didn't say anything, he just sat back down and looked away. He didn't understand why this was happening to them and why they had to go through such a hard time. He finally mustered up the strength to say something. 

"Seongwha?"

"Hm?"

"I'll never stop loving you,"

Seonghwa grimaced at his words knowing he felt the same way.

"I know..."

---

ello ello, wassup my guys.

life update time because i didn't update for three fucking years. 

-i study criminology in uni

- im engaged

- im still a depressed piece of shit but a medicated piece of shit (lexapro gang wya)

-  i still love my readers so much mwah mwah how have you guys been!!

(not proofread)