Calm and Chaos

8. Talitha de Asis | I

Title: I Fell In Love With Death
Genre: Fantasy | Dark | Short Story
Warning: Violence | Self-harm
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[Talitha de Asis]

Who could have thought that I'll end up in hell even though I'm still alive?

Nang magkaroon ako muwang sa mundong ginagalawan ko ay parang gusto ko na lang mamatay dahil sa mga nangyari sa akin bata pa lang ako. I've been through worst that it made me like this, a suicidal.

How so?

When I was young I already realized that my own mother hates me, even the sight of me can irritate her enough. I don't know the reason why she treated me so badly and coldly as if I am not her own flesh and blood. It made me restless every night, thinking if I am not her child or if I was a mistake.

I always envy the twins, Marc and Maxie my younger siblings for they have all the love and attention of our mother but I do not take that against them, for me to hate them or do something to harm them. I love the twins with all my heart for they are sweet and joyful, and of course they are my siblings, my family.

I also noticed my parents unnatural way of expressing and showing their affection into one another. Well, when the twins or other people are around they are clingy and sweet with each other but if nobody is around to see them. . . they will not touch or even talk to each other as if there's an invisible wall separating them.

I didn't know why they are faking their actions but I just let it passed. After all, I'm too young to understand things that time. But as times goes by my cruiosity grew wild. I noticed things that shouldn't be noticed at my age.

I didn't know if everyone could see things like I do but I always noticed that mom wouldn't or couldn't looked straight into at my dad's eyes. I concluded that I am not the only one who's experiencing my mom's cold treatment, sadly. . . dad too. But one thing that I am sure of is dad love mom so much and of course, his family. . .us.

One summer day I couldn't help but asked my mom. I just wanted to stop my restless nights thinking if she dislike me or something. I just wanted to end the sinking feeling inside me because of her. I want to end the misunderstanding too if there's one or two so I pushed myself to be brave that day to confront her.

"Mom, do you hate me?" I nervously asked her while biting the insides of my cheek to prevent my tears from falling.

Because I know, any minute by now. . .my tears will just flow nonstop but I have to be brave! I don't want her to know how much I'm hurting because of her treatment towards me.

She turned her gaze at me and put down the book she was reading. Mom is so beautiful I always looked up to her features. . . it was beyond perfect but maybe it's true, that no person is ever perfect. . . because mom's kindness is a fraud to me, she's cruel to me.

Minutes have passed but she's just looking at me. It was summer but the warm wind has no match on my mother's coldness.

"Why are you asking?" finally she said something but her voice was void of emotions.

I could feel the throbbing pain in chest as I looked at her eyes. There's no love and care in her brown orbs while looking at me. I put aside the sinking feeling and asked her once again if she hates me but she just walked away making me cry the whole day-the whole week every night.