Tw: internalized homophobia, and a lil bit of non-internalized homophobia, self-hatred
So from about March to June, I used to go on my ipad (and sometimes I would sneak down to get other devices), and watch TV and stuff. Well, one day my mom caught me. Earlier that day, I had drawn the bisexual symbol on my wrist (at the time I was 95% sure I was bi), and as my mom went through my phone, she asked me what it was. (I hadn't had time to delete it yet)
I couldn't think of a lie fast enough, so I told her the truth. She didn't seem mad about the bi part, but was mad about the writing on skin part and the staying up late part.
But she did tell me I was probably straight, I mean, that 's what most of the population is!
And after she left, I was super upset-- I had gotten caught!!!
and so i kind of sang a song.
about how i needed to be a good girl, and about everything i needed to be. (not rebellious basically)
and being straight may or may not have made up half of the song.
either the next day or that night, i ripped off the bisexual flag i had put on a button a month before for pride month.
and the next day, i ripped up to watercolor bi things i made.
now, they weren't like masterpieces or anything, but one of them was a heart that i had i had been really proud of.
anyways, i put all of the pieces together, tied them up with a really small headband, and put them under our guest bed.
so today i was kinda freaking out over a science thing, and saw them under the bed (cause i do online school in the guest room)
and i just had so many bittersweet feels, and just wanted to hug my past self.
also, that experience is why whenever i mess up big time and feel a LOT of self hate, i tell myself to be straight.
:)
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Diversos!please check out the chapter: HIS NAME IS ALEX! Here are some rants and other thoughts! Including, but not limited to: -Random thoughts -Theories about my assorted fandoms -Stuff I want to announce that needs a picture, or is over 2000 characters ...
