1-800Psychiatrist was what they said on the tellie. So I thought to myself that this is what I need to help lighten the mental emotional burden that seemed so heavy. I mean i just want my peace, moreover when I sleep. Its gotten to the point where these monsters that attack at night look like its Halloween....trick or treat. Yeah that very ish that crawls underneath your skin like its Friday the 13th.
Its been going on for a while but now its too much. I hate going to sleep because my damn mind won't let me have that sweet ounce of peace. Im talking about that late night brain activity. The one where is begins to conjure up time-lines that are and would be non exsitant. I guess you can say this pain i feel is kinda self inflicted. I'm mostly speaking of sleep cause thats when it gets crazy. I don't know how it started and worse off I feel there's a catalyst. The very moment I need my body to wake up it locks up into sleep paralysis with my face down on the pillow. Thats when you really understand the concept of trapped in your own body. This is why i need a psychiatrist cause it seems like the walls of this story are becoming more and more of an antagonist.
I can't focus everyday it feels like my mind is screaming, a high frequency of brain activity and someone coined it maladaptive Daydreaming. Doesn't quite do it justice until you know the feeling. Im just looking for some healing. To have less fear every moment when I'm sleeping. To tell my brain that nothing is out to get me and that its all in my head and you probably just need good food and a shower maybe. Didn't know why it took long to learn my A B C and 1 2 3 cause later on it kinda made sense when I figured that I may have had a certain amount of ADHD which was parked next to some weird OCD. Tried looking for hugs that would hold my shell...no luck. Looked into drugs well...that didn't help my whole life lost control and some of my few decisions were to just hang myself of the shelf. Funny how it messed with me....doctors later told me that I need to relax cause I have high levels of PTSD. Before you come at me saying that I should be ashamed for impersonating people with these actual disorders, just pay attention that I said I have some of them to a certain degree that's still a weight on my shoulders.
These days I've been seeing weird things...these weird beings that seem so real and just mess with how I feel. Sometimes the visions feel apocalyptic. Have you ever seen someone desperately need an anesthetic? I can tell you one thing....being schizophrenic ain't nothing to fool with.
Then there's the animal I know all to well...the reason why part of my health fell even just talking about it feels like a sad story to tell. It gives me serious headaches...i need a cushion im tired of this depression cause it seems it has a determination to screw up my mission and probably the end of my entire vision. Just affects me every season. Im talking about less moments of happy just those constant thoughts of things that would break me SAVE ME! This depressional phase got me in a daze....how I see things is just a haze. Solemn music just plays in the background as im trying to get through this mental maze. Yall have a vision of beauty? Man I don't even have a gaze cause everything is grey. It really got me asking a few questions. Why this? Why now? WHY ME AT ALL!? You think its funny that my fists constantly redecorate the wall! Its not like im busy I just intentionally miss your call cause I don't expect you to UNDERSTAND AT ALL!!!
Then there are those that are easily triggered into fight ot flight. Constantly calculating if its wrong or right. I swear if you touch me without me expecting it... I'll disappear on sight. Im easily frightened and my breath is heightened. I don't take things lightly. I constantly have to check and double check to see if im right for society but at the same time be calm cause I don't want to trigger my anxiety. I know for a fact you don't want to be close to me when I have the attack.
Moral of the story is someone somewhere has something to deal with be it big or small. Others can brush it off and others hurt like fingers being crushed by a door. So what im saying is watch you words watch your actions cause it might just be that final blow that makes them flat line on the floor.
YOU ARE READING
♦️Joúe's book of Thoughts♦️
PoesíaInspired by a variety of factors that played a huge part in my life,I began to write without even realising what I had. What you will read in here is either from songs,photos, people or curtain circumstances that had an effect on me.😯 Each and eve...
