I've been in grey areas before but this is a different shade of grey. Always had to be the one persuading people to stay...saying everything is fine yet things aren't really okay. Emotions starting to feel like the worst gift...struggling to get into gear this thing wont shift. Makes me feel like every couple miles I break down. For some reason I wanna scream loud...free fall from could 9 till I hit the ground....RIP OUT MY HAIR AS MY HEART BLEEDS OUT!!! What's funny is I've felt like this before but the difference is it feels worse. It's like I'm in too deep....it feels like a tranquilizer dart but it's the same dose that can put a huge beast to sleep.
My emotions make me fail to trust myself...used to be an open book but I'm starting to feel like those diaries with a lock on itself. Just put it back way up there on the shelf. I'm not closing myself off just wanna manage these right before I get into a fight, lose my sight or worse....lose my life. I just wanna make things right. The reason I'm doing this is because If I say I love you....i dont want it to feel like a lie. I want it to be fair to have meaning...Ride or Die. It's not just the love part but everything else in general. Asking me to sing bass but my note are treble. Seems like everytime I Express myself the outcome is fatal. Trying to make peace with it. Coexist, become complete like a halo.
I can't trust you cause I can't trust me. These emotions screw me up by blowing up in my face so I need the under lock and key. Can't you see as much as I Express myself and have the thrill of a life, to you it's the same as me smacking you on the side of the head with a steel pipe. This here is my confession... my own emotions making me a prisoner of my own mind, feels like penitentiary detention. Conjuring up infinity number of expectations that hurt my soul. It's taking its toll!!! Man I need a vacation or I can either flush them out, kill the switch, pull the plug or be daft enough to get the glock, aim for my mouth and release the slug.
Nah I'm way past the suicidal phase of blades on my veins, rope round my neck or poison in my food. I just wanna look at me enjoy the view long enough before my emotions kill my own mood. I think I'm starting to understand why I was warned not to think too much. Bro you over think...why don't you say something? Why don't you speak? Easy cause everytime I open my mouth Ya'll think I'm a freak. You wanna know how I know? Everytime I explain myself, you keep a straight face and hardly blink. Oh he is crazy ha! But that's what you think. Man I'm exhausted pass me the drink and probably a couple of antidepressants cause my soul needs to sleep.
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♦️Joúe's book of Thoughts♦️
PoesíaInspired by a variety of factors that played a huge part in my life,I began to write without even realising what I had. What you will read in here is either from songs,photos, people or curtain circumstances that had an effect on me.😯 Each and eve...
