Darling - Cedric Diggory

12

I'm curled up under the blankets on my bed. It's only 8pm and I can hear the rest of my house downstairs but having sobbed to George I came up to my bed. Tears streaming down my face. My breath hitching occasionally.

A light knock at the door sounds. "Emmie, sweetie, can I come in?" Angelina's voice questions.

"Yeah," I call back my voice cracking. She slips in walking to sit at the end of my bed

"He's a prick," she states calmly her hand rubbing up and down my back

"Should have listened to you. Then I wouldn't be crying in his jumper," I laugh bitterly

"You never let me finish. He's a prick. But, he clearly cares about you and he knows he's fucked up," she says gently

"What are you saying Lina?"

"He's downstairs. Receiving a pretty good telling off from the twins and Harry," I'm grateful that George told my friends. Saves me from having to do it and he knows it would only cause me to think about it more. "He wants to come up and talk to you. I said I would come and see if you wanted him too. Yknow I only ever want what's best for you. I really think he's the same, I think you should talk to him,"

"Yeah," I sigh sitting up

"You want me to get him?" She question. I wipe at my eyes which is a pointless effort given the constant tears.

"Please?" She nods in response to my question giving a quick but tight hug before leaving the room.

I sit at the edge of my bed, I should be worried about how I look because it's probably a state but at this point I can't find it in me to care. A knock sounds, you can hear the hesitation in it.

"Come in," I call hating that my voice cracks. He walks in closing the door behind me, his eyes watering the second he sees me. He moves towards me like he wants to comfort me

"Don't." I command, trying to ignore the way he flinches like me turning him away physically pains him

"How could you?" I question

"Em. I didn't think-"

"No Cedric. You didn't. You entered a tournament where people die, clearly you weren't thinking. You weren't thinking about your safety. You weren't thinking about all the people this will effect, who are going to worry about you, who will be left here mourning you if you die, you weren't thinking about me, clearly, given that you didn't even tell me,"

"I didn't want to panic you. The chances of me being chosen were so slim," he speaks, guilt flooding his feature

"And yet here we are,"

"I should have told you I admit that. But I was thinking about you of course I was," he insists

"How the fuck were you thinking about me?!" I shout. He looks taken aback that I've shifted from pathetic and crying to anger.

"I was thinking how proud you would be if I won!" He answers "I was thinking I would finally be worthy of you if I won. I was thinking I could support my parents if I won!" He is shouting now too. Frustrated.

I scoff at that "If you knew me at all you would know this isn't how you prove yourself to me!"

"You didn't seem to care when it was the twins! So what? You just don't believe in me?"

"Are you kidding!" I screech "I believe in you more than anyone else! I believe in you of course I do! I believe you are smart and brave and stupid and beautiful. And I believe you are kind! The epitome of kind! I'm falling in love with you! You know why I didn't care when it was the twins? Cause it was never going to work! You did this! You told me I was more important to you than this tournament whilst lying to my face!"

"I didn't lie you never asked!"

"I kinda figured a tournament renowned for causing literal death you might have brought up yourself!"

"I did! Twice!"

"You mentioned it I said I thought it was stupid and you said nothing!"

"I don't get why you just can't be supportive!"

"Because if you get yourself killed it's going to break my heart. Because I can't trust you. Because I care you about you so much and you're putting yourself in danger and for what. Money? Glory?"

"Oh come on you know it's more than that!"

"No I don't Cedric! I think you're just not the guy I thought you were!" I can see in his eyes he hates what I'm saying. I never call him Cedric, it's too formal for us now, he hates it too.

"Whats so wrong with wanting those things?" He is shouting now too. I am almost certain that the whole common room is listening

"There's nothing wrong with it! What's so wrong with getting those things in a way that isn't this!"

"Look. Emily. I am falling in love with you. I need you. I'm scared. A part of me wishes I never did it and I need you to believe in me. To be by my side. To trust me," he admits, his voice quiet, vulnerable He's sat at the end of Angelina's bed now. Running his fingers through his hair.

"How can you say you're falling in love with me after making a decision like this and not even telling me," I'm quiet now. He looks at me. My tears sting on my cheeks and he reaches out wiping them with his thumb. The domesticity and affection seem wrong amongst the room and yet somehow so right.

"So you're questioning my feelings for you now?"

"I'm questioning everything about you right now Cedric. The boy I was falling for wouldn't do this. But I guess it doesn't matter what I think I'm not your girlfriend. Just some girl you're making out with and sitting next to in potions,"

"Oh come on Emily. You know what you mean to me. You know you're more than that. I want to ask you to the ball. To ask you to be my girlfriend there and it be special and you remember is fondly as your Aunt Lily," he's staring at me and I want to just collapse in his arms and let him hold me until I feel better.

But I can't rely on him to make me feel better. Not when he's the one who's making me feel like this. Not when he could be dead because of some stupid game by the end of the year and that's on his own choice. I can't let myself rely on someone who is so prepared to walk out of my life. I need constants. My dad. The Potters. The Weasleys. Uncle Remus. People who are there. Who will be there unwaveringly. Not people who will just walk away. I can't handle getting closer just for him to be ripped away from me.

"I just need some space. To think,"

"What?"

"I don't know what to do. I need constants Cedric. I've lost my mum, I've lost friends. I've built my own family and I need people who will be a constant. I can't handle loosing much more. You've just proved that's not you. I have to think about that,"

"So you're going to hold me at arms length because you're scared. I'll fight in these trials. I'll fight for you. To be able to be there for you afterwards. Surely you know I will do that."

"I just need some space," I say again. I don't want to look at him as he wipes tears from his eyes but I force myself too. He walks towards the door.

"Cedric?" I call out, he turns around hope in his eyes.

"Please. Look after yourself. Please be safe. You owe me that at least," I state. He nods sending me a halfhearted smile.

"I'm not giving up on you and I Black" he states before leaving.