His Addiction || KIM TAEHYUNG - [#2 of Mafia series]

EP 7

I had worked hard, had achieved so much, but it never seemed to be enough. 

--

Nabi's Perspective:

Why couldn't I muster any feelings for them? My emotions began to fade the day they uttered those devastating words, expressing their regret in having me in their lives. I can still vividly recall that day when tears streamed down my face, overwhelmed by despair that made me contemplate ending my existence. It's truly crushing when you hold onto the hope that your parents will unconditionally support you, only to come to the painful realization that they are no different from anyone else who could let you down. You might call me immature for feeling this way, but honestly, I'm utterly exhausted. After pouring all my energy and effort into being the best person I could be, I find that someone very much like me manages to cheat their way ahead and outshine me, while I remain trapped in the shadows, lost and overlooked.

I am fully aware that it was impulsive and irrational to feel such intense emotions about someone I admired so deeply, especially knowing that he is with someone else now. Yet here I am, caught in this turmoil...

I can't even pinpoint when the thought of wanting to end my life first crossed my mind. It's strange, really, that I used to think...

With a heavy sigh, I gently pulled my hand away from my father's grip, signaling for him to just give me some space. "Leave me alone," I muttered, desperate for solitude.

What I needed most in that moment was to break down and cry... I craved the comfort of solitude enveloped in tears, away from everything and everyone. I shouldn't have reacted to my situation in such an impulsive manner, damn it!

I scolded myself under my breath while watching them turn away and leave the room in silence. Once I was alone in the bathroom, my heart felt like it was crumbling into a million pieces. Why was this happening to me? This shouldn't hurt so deeply; after all, it's merely a crush, isn't it? With another exasperated sigh, I tugged at my hair, trying to release some of the stress I felt.

"Get it together, you idiot!" I chastised myself, wishing desperately for clarity.

Turning on the faucet, I let the cold water pour over my hands, hoping the sensation would ground me, if only for a moment or two. Splashing water on my face, I attempted to wash away the tears and all the pain swirling inside me, but it soon became clear that it was a futile effort.

I couldn't help but think of Taehyung, the small love that I had meticulously nurtured within my heart. The realization that he liked someone else shattered the delicate optimism I had clung to so tightly. It filled me with confusion as I tried to understand why it hurt so much, why it felt as if my heart were breaking over something that, in the grand scheme of things, was so seemingly simple and insignificant.

"Idiot," I muttered softly to myself, gripping the edge of the sink with white knuckles. "You're so stupid."

Even though I knew I had to pull myself together and figure out a way to cope with all these overwhelming feelings, it felt like an impossible task at that moment.

I felt as if I were drowning in an ocean of despair, struggling desperately to stay afloat against the raging waves of emotion. I took a deep breath, trying my best to steady myself and regain some semblance of control over my thoughts and feelings.

______

Somedays later..