Save You Tonight (A Zayn Malik Fanfic)

Chapter 35

Chapter 35

Alex's POV

"Alex," my best friend's voice said in a gentle warning tone from the speaker of my phone. "I know you've been having a hard time lately, but you need to stop moping around. It's not going to fix anything, sweetie."

"Maybe not," I sighed. "but I need time to mourn. This is how I'm coping with it, Mara. You need to leave me alone and just let me deal with this the way that I want to."

I was beginning to regret answering the phone. It was the first time I'd talked to anyone besides Zayn since I lost the baby. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't want to have to deal with it, and knowing Mara, she would surely make me talk about it with her like she was now. I only answered my phone because I thought it was Zayn calling and I was too busy staring off into space to check the caller ID. 

"I get that, babe. I do. It's just... it's not helping anything. You've been mourning for two weeks, Alex. You need to get-"

She cut off, but I knew what she was going to say.

"Get what Mara? I need to get what? Get over it?" I questioned, slightly angry. "I lost a fucking child! How am I supposed to just get over that?"

"You're not the only one who lost a baby, Alex." she reminded me in a steady tone. I knew she was trying to be careful with what she said and how she said it so that she wouldn't upset me any further. "Zayn's having a hard time too right now. And it's not only because of the baby."

I was quiet for a moment. I knew Zayn was having a hard time, but I assumed it was only because of the baby. "What else is there?" I asked quietly. 

"He's so worried about you, Alex." Mara told me, her voice soft and caring. "I can tell. Whenever I see him, he seems so.. distant, and he's always in a rush to get back home to check up on you. He doesn't know what to do, hon. He wants to help and make you feel better, as do we all, but none of us know how. Zayn loves you more than anything. He loves you more than he loves himself. He would do absolutely anything for you just to make you smile. You know that. But this time, he doesn't know what to do."

I felt a tear slide down my cheek, followed by a few more. Mara was right. I knew Zayn was worried. I could see it in his eyes whenever he looked at me. He was scared, and so was I. I was scared of what was going to happen between us now, too. 

"I'm sorry, Mar." I whispered so she wouldn't hear my voice crack. "I'm so sorry. I'm being selfish. I know I am. I just don't know what to do. I wanted this baby so much and when I.. when I lost it, I didn't know what to do anymore. I know I've been a shitty friend to you lately and I've been a shitty girlfriend to Zayn, and I'm sorry. I-"

"Shhh. Alex, you need to calm down, sweetie." Mara told me, cutting off my hysterical rant. "It's okay. I understand, you don't have to apologize. Zayn understands too. He just wants you to be happy again. He wants to know you're okay."

Mara and I didn't talk for much longer. I continued to apologize, feeling like the worst girlfriend in the world. Yeah, it was hard losing the baby. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. The pain it brought hurt worse than any pain I had ever received. It was worse than my dad leaving when I was little. It was worse than losing my mom. It was worse than being beaten daily by Connor. It beat all of that pain by far. But I was dealing with it selfishly. I wasn't taking Zayn's feelings into consideration the way I should have been. He was always worrying about me and how I was feeling, but not once did I ask him how he was.

Knowing that he was hurting, though, made my heart ache even more. I loved Zayn more than anything in this world and knowing that I was part of the reason he was hurting made me hate myself. 

I heard the front door open and Zayn walked in, not bothering to look up as he kicked off his shoes. I took notice of how tired he looked. His normally quiffed hair was down, falling over his forehead. His usually bright, hazel eyes looked dull and tired, and there was some scruff around his face, indicating that he hadn't shaved.

"Zayn?" I called softly. Zayn's head snapped up and he looked at me. 

"Hey baby," he said, giving me a small smile as he walked over to the couch to sit with me. I moved forward a bit so that he could scoot under me. When he was seated, I leaned back, resting my head against his chest.

"Did you have fun?" I asked, hoping he did. 

"Yeah, it was nice." he answered, grabbing onto my hand and intertwining our fingers. They fit together perfectly.

 "That's good." 

"Yeah," he agreed. We fell into a comfortable silence. He began to mindlessly play around with my  fingers, twisting the promise ring he gave me around in circles.

"Hey Zayn?" 

"Yes love?"

"I'm sorry." I whispered, staring down at our intertwined hands.

"For what?" he asked, sounding a bit confused.

"Everything." I mumbled, my voice cracking as I tried to keep myself together. "I know these past two weeks have been hard on you too. I know this isn't any easier for you than it is for me. I'm sorry I've been so hard to deal with. I-"

"Hey," he said, cutting me off. "you don't have to apologize, alright? This isn't your fault. It's no one's fault. Don't apologize, okay? You can't beat yourself up over this."

"But I should have been more careful." I mumbled her voice back to a whisper. I don't know where it came from, but it forced it's way out of my mouth without any warning. To be honest, I did blame myself for the miscarriage. If I would've just been more careful or taken more vitamins or something, maybe the baby would still be here.

"There's nothing either of us could've done." he said softly, kissing the top of my head. "But Alex, we can try again. We can keep trying if you want. I don't care what it takes. If you want a baby, I'm going to make sure you have one. "

I was quiet for a moment before I quietly asked, "Why are you so good to me, Zayn?"

Ever since we met, he was always there for me. He saved me from a random drunk guy at the club. He carried me away when I got too drunk. He took care of me after Connor put me in the hospital after the carnival. He save me from Connor when I was going to re-join their tour. And now here he was, trying to take care of me again.

"Because I love you." he responded simply. "You're absolutely perfect to me and you deserve nothing but good things. I don't think I'll ever be able to express how much I love you. I love you more than anyone I've ever come across. This thing.. I mean, what happened.. I know it's been hard. For the both of us. But we're going to get through it. I'm going to make sure we get through it, because I love you so much, and I can't even bear the thought of losing you."

I looked up at him, looking into his brilliant hazel eyes.

"I love you Zayn." I told him seriously, not breaking eye contact. "I love you so much." I moved my head forward and crashed our lips together. He immediately kissed her back, our mouths moving together in perfect harmony, and I knew instantly that we were going to be okay. Zayn and I could get through this. As long as we had each other, he and I were going to move on from this. 

Oh man. I'm feeling super emotional about this chapter because it's pretty much over. Well, technically the epilogue will be that last chapter, but yeah. It still makes me emotional. 

What did you all think? Votes and comments would be awesome, you know. (; 

Also, I wanted to thank all of you that have read this and voted/commented. All of your votes and comments have made me one happy camper. 

The epilogue will be posted soon. Like, within this next week I hope. I want to try and make it long and perfect since it's the last chapter and I don't really want this story to end yet. But it has to.