TodoDeku Oneshots

Suerely, I Can't Love You Correctly 🥺

   I saw you walk out the door, with tears polishing yours emerald eyes, all in slow motion, you leaving me. To be truthful, I deserve it... Everyone in my life leaves me. You stayed for so long and yet I... forced you away.
   I grabbed onto my chest, trying for this pain to stop. I got up and grabbed my bottle of Smirnoff, triple distilled and plopped myself on the recliner. (A harsh brand of Vodka) I looked at the bottle, and felt angry at myself. No! I got up and started pacing. Drinking your problems is one of the reasons you're in this situation.
  I groaned out. My hangover is giving me a fucking headache. Suppressed memories of hurting Izu came back and I wanted it to stop. My head was now pounding and I held my head tighter. I screamed out.
   "AAAAAGGGHHHHHHH!!!" I just wanted this to end this. I threw the bottle at wall and slide the objects in frustration and as I started to trash the place in outrage.
   I look at the house after destroying it. What a mess. I started to pick up and I noticed the picture of Izu and I at Hasetsu Castle. We were so happy then. What happened? I look at the picture and noticed the broken frame. What an ironic way to symbolize our relationship. A perfect picture with a broken frame. How I broke our foundation apart. Tears were falling onto the broken glass and I balled out. Why did I get angry with him? Why did I empty so many bottles? And how come no matter how many times I try, I can't love correctly.

   It was the third of June and I think that's when the drinking happened, as well as the fights, the abuse... I opened the door to see my lovely husband washing dishes in the kitchen sink and I heard it. The phone ringed only to say that my brother Touya was in critical condition due to fire. The flames serverly damaging his skin from the bottom of his face to his collarbone. His forearms have taken a lot of damage too. The people on the phone say that they've finally stabilized his breathing but they're not sure if he's gonna make it. I started to tear up and slump back into the recliner.
"Honey, are you okay? What was the call about?" I wiped my tears that were slowly dripping on my face.
"The doc was talking. Says that, my brother was hospitalized." He came from the kitchen and stood next to me.
"Oh no, that's terrible Sho! How bad was he hurt?" I was fighting the urge to choke on my words.
"They said, they said that they stabilized his breathing but they don't know if he's gonna make it." More tears were forced out, trying so hard not to get emotional. Izu put a hand on my shoulder.
"It's gonna be okay, Sho. I know you're upset so you can let it-" I snapped at him and slapped his hand away.
"Tch! The hell's everything's gonna be okay! You don't know anything!" I can still remember his face and how he was shocked and still trying to pacify the situation.
"Sho calm down! I can understand-" I stood up and yelled at him.
"Understand? How could you understand anything! The fact knowing you're own sibling is hospitalized..." He tried comforting me.
"Sho I..." He extended his arm out but I wasn't having it so I now regrettably, grabbed his arm and was about to hit him out of anger. He coward in fear and I believe that was the only time I was able to stop myself. I let go off him and headed towards the door, grabbing my jacket along the way. He reluctantly went up to me, staying a safe distance.
"Where are you going?" I already had my hand on the knob.
"I'm going out for a drink, don't come looking for me."
"But-" he put a hand on my shoulder and I turned around to yell at him.
"LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!" He stepped back and I stepped the door.
"I'll back when the bars close. Don't cook dinner unless you're planning to eat alone." I went into the bar to drink away my problems, but the trips didn't end there.
A week later, Touya died, and the abuse, along with the alcohol consumption became worse. Half of the time I don't even remember what I did. All I remember is Izu's scared face. I remember getting mad at the littlest of things and blowing up at Izu, hurting him because of it. He tried so hard to help me, even though it was hopeless a-and. I sat down at the table my head and heart aching, remembering things I didn't want to.

August 26th, around 3 months after the death of my brother, and about 4 weeks after the termination of my work, I was on the computer browsing through my email, seeing anything about new job offers, having a massive hanging over, feeling a big low from the lack of alcohol. I poured a glass and saw that things were finally looking up for us when I saw that a company has excepted my application and would like to interview me. I took a gulp of some blue ice (also a type of Vodka) and rushed into the kitchen.
"Hey Izu I-" I saw that he was on the phone in a hushed voice. I was curious what he was talking about if he had to be so quiet. I hid halfway behind the frame of the door, hearing in on his conversation.
"Yeah, yeah, I miss you too Kiri." A man? Why is he talking to another man? I listened some more.
"Shouto's fine. He's just going through some things." He started to shift around, looking uncomfortable.
"Yeah, I wanna help him I really do, but sometimes I feel like it's easier for me just to leave him! It's too much for me when he switches personalities on me like that, and his excessive drinking. It sometimes gets too much for me to handle!" He started to silently weep. I couldn't see him sad anymore and rushed into the kitchen and hugged him so hard that he accidentally dropped his phone.
"I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry..." he continued to cry and I comforted him.
"I-It's that I *hic* try so h-hard to help Sho and I feel like *hic* you keep pushing me away!" I held him tighter and started to shake.
"I know, and I'm sorry. It's just that," I slid down a little bit, clutching onto his shirt, "I need help Izu. I'm shaking right now because of the lack of alcohol. My world is spinning, and I hate that I pass out not knowing the hell I did this morning." He cried some more and I wiped his tears.
"I'm sorry for all the things I put you through. I wanna change, for you." He grabbed my face and caressed my cheeks.
"Shut up," my eyes widened, is he really thinking of leaving?
"Shut up and kiss me you big idiot." He kissed me and I kissed him back, and we stood there with tears down our faces and a roller coaster of emotions. And I wish I could say that was the last time I abused Alchol, that I abused Izu.