The Neighbor

Chapter 5: Alone with my Thoughts

Word spread quickly about me standing up to Savannah. I thought I would be praised for doing the impossible, but I was wrong. Somehow I had become even less popular, if that was even possible. Apparently there was a "rule" against standing up to the queen bee. I was even more lonley than ever.

Kahoni tried to talk to me all the time but either he was carried away by his friends or I just ignored him. It was bad enough that my life was miserable, I wasn't about to drag him into it with me. He was extremely persistent on one particular day.

It was a bright sunny day and I was sitting in the shade with my lunch. Kahoni walked out into the dining yard with his large group of friends. When they all passed me they gave me disturbed looks. But, of course, Kahoni stopped next to me.

"Hey Danny, "he said enthusiastically.

"Hey Kahoni, "I said quietly. He flashed his brilliantly white smile, making it difficult to ignore him. But I could still see Savannah behind him, glaring daggers at me.

"Can I sit here?" he asked, pointing to a spot next to me. Savannah shook her head and dragged her finger across her throat, signifying that she would kill me if I said yes.

"Wouldn't you rather sit with your friends?" I suggested.

"No, "he said casually. He sat down next to me. Savannah cleared her throat and Kahoni looked at her. "Oh you can sit here with us, if you want, "he said.

"I would rather die than sit with her, "she said pointedly. She turned dramatically and walked away to sit with the cheerleaders.

"Knew I could get rid of her, "Kahoni siad to me.

"You wanted to get rid of your girlfriend?" I said in disbelief.

"Listen Danny, it's not what you think, Savannah and me. Just listen--"

"No you listen, "I said, getting angry, "I don't know what's going on between you two and I honestly don't care. What I do know is that she's your girlfriend and you choose to sit with me instead of her!"

"Danny, "he said.

"She hates me and she's gotten everyone else to hate me too, and it's all because you keep hanging out with me, "I said. I got up and prepared to leave.

"Danny wait, "Kahoni begged.

"You should be with your girlfriend, "I said quielty. I turned and ran back inside the building, knowing I had ruined just about every chance I would ever have of being with the love of my life.

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What had made me snap at Kahoni I didn't know. What I did know was that it had been a huge mistake. He had actually wanted to hang out with me, but I panicked and pushed him away, possibly for forever.

"Stupid, idiot, "I muttered over and over again as I paced my small room. It was late at night but I needed to think. Why did I push him away? Something about not wanting to make him miserable. I didn't know what I was thinking, but I did know that I wanted a time machine. If I could just go back I could spend the entire lunch hour with Kahoni. It would have probably been the best lunch of my life. But I was too scared. I had been scared of Savannah and her cheerleaders, of Jace and his cronies, but mostly I was scared I might ruin Kahoni's status and his life.

Maybe I should call him, half of my brain thought. The other half said, don't do it, he probably hates you now. I sat down on my bed and put my face in my hands. I didn't know what to do and I had no guidance. I was bullied, the guy I liked most likely hated me, and I had no friends. There was only one thing I could think of doing, but I was too much of a wimp.

I had tried to suffocate myself in the past but I couldn't do it. I couldn't force myself to take pills I didn't need. I just couldn't kill myself, although trying to was tempting at times. Finally I ended up with a certain box on my bed; the same box that ended up on my bed almost every night. Inside was the same knife. Tears filled my eyes as I picked it up.

"Don't do it, "I whispered to myself, "don't even think about it." I placed the knife on my wrist and got ready to swipe...

I stopped myself and threw the knife across the room. I rubbed my wrist, which was perfectly fine. I stared at the knife that was lodged in the opposite wall. I began to think of going to get it. No, I thought, look away. I tore my eyes away and looked down at the box. It was a simple box; small, light brown with a purple lotus flower on the cover. But as I looked at the box I noticed something I had never seen before, a white tip sticking out in one corner. I picked at it and a false bottom came off. A picture lay at the bottom, a picture of my young father. His black hair glistened in the Hawaii sun. His pale skin contrasted to my mother's tan skin as they stood next to eachother. My father smiled handsomely, a smile I had never seen. They stood in front a sturdier form of our little hut of a home. The picture must have been taken the day they moved in. My father's eyes weren't filled with depression, but with joy. I would give anything to see that face in person.

"Oh daddy, "I said, "where are you? When are you going to come back for me?" The picture didn't respond. I placed the picture back in the box, put the bottom back on, and put the knife back in. I hid the box under my bed like I always did. I was preparing for my sad, dreamless sleep when the phone rang. I picked it up and said, "Hello?"

"Danny?" a voice asked, Kahoni's voice.

"Oh, hey Kahoni, "I said.

"Danny I just wanted to say...you were right, "he said, "I really should spend more time with Savannah."

"No!" I shouted before I could stop myself.

"What?" he asked.

"I mean, "I said, "we're only in ninth grade, you don't have to spend every second with your girlfriend. And I was out of line earlier. I should have let you explain."

"Oh yeah, okay, "he said uncertainly.

"So, what did you want to say earlier?" I asked.

"Oh, nothing, "he said, "it was nothing."

Way to go! I scolded myself. "I'm sorry if I freaked you out or something, "I said.

"No, you didn't scare me, "he said. He paused then said, "Well I should go. I'll see you tomorrow." He hung up before I could say another word.

"See you tomorrow, "I sighed. I laid down, now thinking about all the other ways I could unintentionally ruin my chances with Kahoni.