LETTERS TO YOU • AN iWAOi FANFiC

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iwaizumi- age 27-august 7th, 2021

i peered across the table at my fiance, her eyes gazing out the window boredly as she punctured a piece of steak with her fork and ate it numbly. it was a month or so until our wedding, and lately, i would see her smiling at her phone while i was talking to her, and she would give me noncommittal shrugs when i asked how the wedding preparations were going on her end.

after another few minutes of tense silence, she set her utensils down and announced she was ready to go. i was unsure of what was going on, but i decided to let her get some rest before assuming anything, she could just be tired or stressed from all the work she had been doing for the wedding.

she said that her friend needed some company after a breakup, so she went to their house in a taxi. i sat on a nearby bench and put my head in my hands. what is this feeling? whenever we used to go on dates together, we would be one of the loudest tables there. laughter, laughing at each other's weird-ass laughs.

i would cut her steak for her because she had a bad wrist, and she would smile and just look at me. just...look. we would talk, and there was this emotion in her eyes that made me feel happy wherever i was. but now, she wasn't even looking me in the eye. that look was gone.

i tiredly ran my fingers through my hair and called a taxi, my brain too unfocused to realize where i was going. that's how i ended up at tooru's house, numb in the mind and exhausted mentally.

i pulled out the key i had copied again a few weeks ago (i seem well put together, but i was losing stuff all the time) and wondered how long it had been since i had been here. sure, we occasionally talked over the phone about wedding plans, but he never took the conversation any farther, unlike usual where we would talk for hours on end.

my tired steps barely made any sound against the worn-down wood floors. the familiar house felt like cool water soothing a burn that had been affecting my mental health. the house smelled like tooru- cinnamon and vanilla coffee. he had quite the unhealthy addiction to coffee, 'like any self-respecting writer', he says.

i hated coffee normally, but after i smelled it basically every day in college from tooru, i had to try it again to make sure i still hated it. so he made me some, a vanilla latte with whipped cream and cinnamon sprinkled on top. to this day, i won't drink any other coffee than some made by him.

these thoughts flashed through my brain as i tiredly trudged to his room. a quick glance at his empty bed told me he was probably asleep at his desk. i rolled my eyes as i found my prediction to be true and saw tooru slumped over on his desk. i heard him murmuring nonsensical words while he was asleep and chuckled at the way his cheek was continuously pressing down on the 'z' key, which was quite ironic for the situation at hand.

i dragged him over to the bed, his feather-light body being easily lifted by my (if i do say so myself) muscular arms. i tugged his jeans off and snickered at his boxers, which had an adorable pattern of chibi aliens. the snicker caught in my throat as i realized the boxers had come down a bit and revealed his athletic hips and pronounced v-line.

i awkwardly pulled them back up slightly, silently sliding into bed with tooru, my own jeans and hoodie coming off as well. i took off his socks, seeing as he absolutely hated wearing them to bed.

a soft, content sigh pushed past my lips and i laid awake for a while, just playing with tooru's hair and listening amusedly to his muffled one-sided conversation. you could often tell what he had been thinking about before sleeping when he started talking in his sleep. it had originally annoyed me as a child, but over the years i had grown used to it and now i couldn't fall asleep without some kind of noise, which made moving from the house to ishi's apartment a bit complex.

i was startled from my thoughts when tooru's arms wrapped around my waist and he whispered "i miss you iwa-chan..." into my chest. i finally drifted into sleep with tooru clinging to my body, leg thrown over my own. the most relaxed i'd been in months.

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