LETTERS TO YOU • AN iWAOi FANFiC

𝟎𝟗

iwaizumi

i had finished telling tooru what had happened a while ago, but he was still in my grasp and i couldn't seem to bring myself to let him go. it was only when a new thought struck my mind that i spoke again.

"i wonder how long it's been happening...how could she even find time to do it with all of the wedding planning she's been doing lately..."

"o-oh..."

he sounded slightly strained. i squinted at him suspiciously, him squirming under my harsh gaze until he eventually spoke.

"i...have been the one doing her work, iwa-chan...it's why i put off my book for another year...."

i could hear the blood rushing in my ears, anger and shame making my face heat up. the sudden silence caused tooru to glance up at me from his place in my arms.

"it's fine though, iwa-chan! i didn't want to stress you out with pointless things." his smile was so wide it made the corners of his eyes crinkle, but i could feel it was a less than authentic one. so i moved one of my hands from its place on his back and smoothed out the crinkle lines by his eyes.

"gah...don't smile like that...you'll get wrinkles and your entire skincare routine will go to waste." i paused, mulling over my words. "and...thank you. i appreciate your efforts, not that they'll be of much use now that i am definitely not having a wedding..."

his eyebags held a new meaning for me. he had done so much for me for months and hadn't even told me. hadn't asked for compensation of any sort. even when we were getting a little distant because our schedules didn't match up, he never pushed for me to make time for him.

every time something bad would happen, i would come to him. and he would welcome me with open arms like i had never left. he felt like a safe space.

now, i finally cried. my eyes stung, i clutched tooru closer to me, and sobs racked my body. i wasn't crying over the fact that i had just been cheated on (though i'm sure that had an effect on my emotional strength), i was crying about the realization that i had almost let my best friend hold the world on his shoulders for me without noticing, and in doing so he had drifted away with no complaints or ill will towards me.

tooru didn't question my tears, which i was thankful for, seeing as i didn't know how to explain the emotions i was feeling, and just helped me up.

"you...you deserve someone who values you, iwa-chan...i hope you find someone who really does make you happy." his smile seemed slightly sad.

"i think..." he added, "the best thing for you right now is to get blackout drunk."

the sobs turned into a sort of laugh-cough until i nodded dumbly, signaling 'yo that's chill wit me'.

"i'm gonna hop in the shower, you go borrow some of my clothes and we'll go to a bar and get wasted."

he then began peeling off his clothes. while tooru was taking his shirt off, i saw scratch marks running up his back and pinkish-red hickeys along his upper chest and collarbone. i flushed as he began taking off his boxers as well, and i ran into the closet (a/n: ironic, yes i know, this was on purpose) to hide my red cheeks.

i heard the shower turn on and smiled at the sound of tooru beginning his rendition of 'chandelier'. he spends like an hour in the shower usually, mostly wasting his time singing.

my back slid down the closet wall, my heavy heart weighing me down. i could go to the living room and log in to tooru's netflix account to pass the time, but i just wanted some silence.

the song he was listening to blared through the walls, and as tooru hit the high notes of the song, i snorted. okay, maybe i don't need silence, this was plenty entertaining.

i nodded along to the beat, dramatically swinging my head from side to side. it was with this that i caught a view of something i remember quite well.

'is that...my hoodie?'

i tugged at the familiar material, which was caught on a shoe rack. the nearly bare rack fell as i tugged a bit too hard, revealing a huge shoebox. the shoe rack had only made a dull thud on the carpeted closet floor, so it hadn't scared me too badly. the box had pastel rainbow splotches of paint, pictures of tooru and i, and '𝓁𝑒𝓉𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓈 𝓉𝑜 𝓎𝑜𝓊' elegantly written on the top with what looked to be calligraphy ink. it was very pretty, i expect nothing less when it comes to tooru.

i hummed, wondering if it'd be fine for me to open. perhaps it was a birthday present that he was making for me? but...my birthday isn't for months. ughhh, this curiosity is too much.

the box looked delicate, but was quite sturdy. it had a light film of dust over the top of it, as if it hadn't been touched for months. odd.

i brushed it off gently and opened the lid of the shoebox. inside, hundreds of letters lay in neat rows. only one was taped to the top of the lid. every single letter had tooru's nickname for me written on top.

i confusedly reached in and thumbed over the top of all the letters. i couldn't control it and finally took the one that was taped to the lid off, going to open it, only to find it already unsealed. a piece of notebook paper is what i pulled out of the envelope, the words on it written in a purple pen. my eyes caught on the date printed on the top, before beginning to read.

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