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30.

The weekend was a bizarre stretch of time, Bradley and Stefani both having agreed to keep silent about the positive test result until she had seen her doctor. The only person they told was Natali and though overjoyed, she promised at once not to say anything until they were both ready to reveal their secret. 

The words that appeared directly in front of their eyes were somewhat expected eventually, but they had changed everything, Bradley marveled as they attempted to retain a dose of normalcy until they finally got to be alone. Just as a test had done with Lea nearly four years prior, it had shaken up life as they knew it but this go-around, he was in a happy, healthy relationship and he knew, despite readjusting to the idea of a newborn again, the circumstances leading up to this pregnancy were far different. Just the thought made a swell of sadness rise up in him again; that Lea's conception up until her birth had been fraught in complications because of the nature of his stormy union with Irina. 

He shared as much with Stefani on that Saturday evening when everyone had gone to bed and the house was gloriously silent. They lay side by side, hip to hip, his hand pressed to her abdomen, gently, reverently, stroking bare skin. It was almost hard to believe they were going to have a baby in the matter of months; the idea made moisture form within his eyes.

"I know people tell you all the time what a blessing she is," Stefani commiserated softly, "and she is, B, God, she's such a blessing and I love her so much but what they can't understand was how hard it all was on you. You were a single father and her mother just split, no warning. I know you found joy where you could, given the circumstances and you love that little girl with every fiber of your being but it was marred, in a lot of ways. Bittersweet." She covered the hand that lay on her belly with her own, squeezing. "And me being pregnant brings up memories of that. I understand."

"I don't want it to, though." The trace of anguish, however faint, made him shake his head at himself. "What happened with Irina and this pregnancy, they're two entirely different situations. Irina never wanted a baby, she never wanted the responsibility or the pressure. She never wanted to be tied down...to me, to her own child. This baby was wanted and planned for..." he pinched the bridge of his nose, trying not to lose it. "Apples and oranges and it isn't fair to draw comparisons. I don't want you to think I'm not happy, Stef. I am...I want this with you."

"Baby," she picked up his hand, kissed the knuckles. "It's okay to grieve the experience that you didn't get to have when Irina was pregnant. You never have, not really. And it's okay to be happy and to enjoy this pregnancy, too. One is not indicative of the other."

He listened to her reassurance, took comfort in it, but he knew himself, too, knew that he was destined to feel guilty, one way or the other. 

So, he exhaled, releasing fear and taking in deep breaths, allowing himself to settle for the joy that he was embarking on a new journey with the woman he loved with his last breath and the daughter he knew she thought of as her own. 

And through all of the swirling, anxious thoughts that danced around wildly in his head, it was enough of a good thing to put a halt on them for now.

His fingers plucked absently at her abs, the light touch making her giggle. "How do you feel?"

"Honestly? Scared, sort of. Like I'm dreaming.  A little weird," she pulled a face, making them both laugh, "I feel different but not, at the same time. There's a little human growing in there," she looked down to her stomach, "one that we made. Kind of mind-blowing." 

She turned her face toward him and what he caught in her eyes made his throat clench. "But mostly, I'm so happy." A tear drop spilled over and he caught it on his thumb. "I've wanted to be a mother for so long and now I get to share that dream with someone I love so much...two people I love," she corrected, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. "It's good. I mean...it's gonna be insane," she laughed, grasping more tears with her fingernails at the corners of her eyelids, "but I think I'm going to love every single second of it. Even this morning...midday, evening sickness."