My Best Friend the Rockstar (Book 1 Steel Wolf Collection)

Chapter 21

Wanting to comfort him I wrap my arms around him and he wraps his around me in a death grip. He buries his face into my neck and I can feel his tears on me. What is going on? I try to sooth him by running my fingers up and down his back.

"Dimitri it's okay. I'm here."

"But for how long?" He whispers. Could he be having the same worries I'm having? Is my big bad rocker afraid of losing me?

"For as long as you want me." I tell him honestly.

He kisses the side of my neck, "then your stuck with me for forever because I don't plan on ever letting you go."

Before I can stop the words from spilling out they do, "you have before." I bite my lip. Why the hell did I say that? What is wrong with me? Dimitri stills in my arms and now it's my turn to grip on him tightly. "Dimitri I'm sorry. I never should have said that."

He sighs and pulls away from me, but takes my hand in his. "Don't be sorry. You are only saying the truth. I did let you go. Not once, but twice."

"But that is all in the past now."

He shakes his head, "no. Sadly it is not. If the past was in the past then you wouldn't have brought it up today. But I deserve nothing less."

"Dimitri," I run my fingers down his face.

"Your actions today showed me you don't trust me." I go to defend myself, but he stops me with a laugh, "Don't. I don't blame you time and time again I've done nothing, but break your trust. At some point it all had to catch up with me. Karama really is a bitch."

"I love you," I tell him kissing his shoulder with tears now flowing over my cheeks. I rest my head on his shoulder needing to be close to him.

He runs his hand over my hair, "and I love you. So much. But loving you won't take away all the damage I've caused you over the years."

"What are you talking about?"

"The back and forth of me wanting to be in a relationship with you. From today I can tell my actions are some of the reasons for your low self-esteem."

I think on his words for a minute before responding. Wanting to make sure I can articulate myself properly. "I would be lying to both of us if I said your actions in the past didn't hurt me. There were nights I would lay awake in bed and wonder why I wasn't good enough for you when all those others were. I guess over time it did chip away at my self-esteem. But you aren't the only reason for why I am the way I am."

"I know and I hate myself even more. Because if I hadn't of been such the chicken shit I was you never would have dated those other guys. You would have been mine and who knows where we would be right now."

"Dimitri everything happens for a reason. Stop beating yourself up over the what ifs. You are going to drive yourself crazy from it."

He stand and kneels in front of me. I rest my hand against his cheek. "Skylar even back then I knew you were the one. But I wasn't ready to settle down. I wanted to see what else the world had to offer." I flinch at his words my heart bleeding in pain. "But you know what I found?"

I shake my head no because I wasn't able to speak through my tears. Before he continues he wipes away my tears with his thumbs. "Nothing baby. I found nothing because no matter who I was with or what I was doing my thoughts were always consumed by you. I love you more than anything in this world. If I ever have to give up music in order to be with you I would without a second thought. You are my end game baby."

Lost for words I do the next best thing and I kiss him. His lips slide against mine and by the way he was kissing me if we weren't in public I would have been naked underneath him.