I'm a Mermaid, Not a Merman

17

"So you're from Florida," Cindy said to Liam. "That's cool."

"No," he laughed, "it's not. It's hotter than it is right now, it's humid, half of the time it's raining, and alligators steal your shoes if you don't lock them up at night."

Cindy hit him on the shoulder. "C'mon, I bet you've never even seen an alligator."

"Oh I saw some," Liam said, "it was horrifying. There was a fierce hurricane one year, and as the storm surge crashed against the shore, we saw to our horror, that the hurricane was filled with alligators!"

Cindy burst out laughing, as well as the others who were also listening.

"I feel like I've heard that one somewhere," Heather said, "but it's obvious to me now that they blatantly stole your story."

"I know!" Liam said, "I could've been a... a thousandaire, or however much that movie made."

Cindy laughed. "But you aren't going to have to worry about money Liam, cause you're going to be the guy that figures out how to turn people into merfolk."

Liam grinned. Liam wanted to study genetic or biological engineering when he went to college, and he'd joked that it was so he could finally become a merman.

"Darn right," Liam said. "Does it have any practical application? Who knows? I'll figure it out as I go."

"If we're being serious," Kendra said, sitting down on the steps into the shallows, "would any of us really  want to try it if it became available? It would probably be really dangerous and not nearly as fun as you'd imagine it."

Liam shrugged. "Probably. If we ever figure out how to make such massive changes to the human genome, it will probably be at least a century away before we can start to begin thinking about it. It would probably be very limited, and there's a lot of ethical questions. We might not be able to make people already alive into merfolk."

"But let's say that there's no catches," Lucy said, "if you could look just like a normal, fantasy merperson, would you do it?"

"No brainer," Liam said. "Yeah. I'd make an awesome merman. Though I'm not sure if I could ever get a six pack to pull of the look."

"I've never actually liked it when people depict mermen that way," Cindy said, "it always... I dunno. It looks kind of intimidating. I like a merman with more subdued muscles."

Liam laughed. "Well," he said, "I don't think I can even manage that. I'm not in very good shape."

"You swim," Cindy laughed, "I think you are."

"I appreciate the kind dishonesty," Liam smirked. "But yeah, I get what you mean. I read once about how when they were making The Little Mermaid, they were going to give Ariel a less-skinny waist, and more realistic proportions. I would've liked that a lot better."

"Yeah," Cindy said, "that's the kind of mermaid I'd want to be. Gosh I don't want to wait for some crazy technology, I just want to be a mermaid like right now!"

She jokingly slapped the fin of her tail against the side of the pool.

"I can do that drawing for you if you'd want," Liam suggested. "Not nearly as good, but at least you could have a picture of your mermaid self."

Cindy smiled. "Yeah, Liam, I think I do want that. I'd love to have that."

Having a picture of herself as a mermaid sounded great. It would not only be cool, but it would show Cindy for who she was. A girl, who loved mermaids. Plus, it made her feel all warm that Liam wanted to make it for her.

After her date with Matt, she was thinking more about whether she liked guys. Looking at Liam, she was starting to find more and more that she found attractive in him. Even as she floated in the water against the wall, she could feel a pleasant bulge in her swim suit, and that made her giddy.

He was a cute guy, she'd decided. And he was a guy that like her, was obsessed with merpeople. If Matt didn't want to go out with her again, then she definitely wanted to go out with Liam.

"I could take a few reference pictures of you right now," Liam told her, "if that's alright."

"Yeah," Cindy smiled, "that'd be great. What do you want me to do exactly?"

"Get out of the pool, and we'll try different sitting and lying down positions."

"Alright," Cindy said, kicking her fin to bring her to the steps.

The others started talking about something else while she and Liam took pictures. Cindy thought back to that picture of herself that Lucy had taken. There was not an ounce of nervousness about pretending to be a mermaid anymore, and she gladly posed as Liam would suggest.

"How about we try the way that you posed when Lucy took your picture the other day," Liam said.

Cindy happily went into the pose, hugging her tail up against her breasts. 

Liam laughed. "I think I already know which one I like the best. You look really cute Cindy."

Cindy smiled ear to ear. She loved this feeling so much! A boy thought she was cute!

Looking at the smile on Liam's own face, Cindy just couldn't resist.

"You make a very cute merboy yourself," she said.

Liam smiled sheepishly, and for the first time Cindy saw that he was at a loss for words. Aww... that only made him more cute!

Cindy giggled. "I love this group so much."

"Me too Cindy," Liam said. "I feel like I don't have to hide who I am. I'm glad that you girls are so accepting of me."

"You're a boy who wants to be a merman!" Cindy said, "I think that's the cutest thing ever!"

A deep blush went across his face. Oops. Cindy was letting her emotions get a bit out of hand. Just that she was now trying to be herself more, didn't mean that she should say exactly what popped into her head.

Cindy decided to take out the awkwardness between them and asking the others if they wanted to play a pool game, which they all did.

Gosh, Cindy thought. I just love it here. Sammy was right. It's great to have friends. It's great to have people who accept who I am.

But a contrary thought came in. They knew that didn't mind that Cindy liked mermaids. But would they accept her if they knew she was a trans girl?

She felt like someone had grabbed an icicle, and was running it's tip down her spine. Cindy liked Liam, and Liam seemed to like her. But just like Mom had said that morning, how would they react when they found out?

Her friends seemed accepting of guys wanting to be merpeople - something usually viewed as feminine. But what would they think of her? What if they didn't like trans people? What if... what if they were angry that they had been the ones that incited her transition?

Icy slush seemed to worm its way through her veins, and not the nice, cherry flavored kind. The kind that made her wonder if she'd still have friends. The thought of losing the place where she could freely live her fantasy of being a mermaid... it was horrible.

Cindy didn't cry as she floated in the pool, waiting for when she needed to swim in their game. But she did feel her eyes become slightly wet.

This had been a place where she could freely be herself. Right now, holding in secrets though... she felt like an impostor.