I'm a Mermaid, Not a Merman

3

Danny threw himself onto his bed after getting home from school. Not much had happened today. But his head had been spinning with a combination of anxiety and anticipation.

He was insane. He was stark raving mad.

If I wasn't this would probably never work, he said internally, and in an british accent.

The ideas that had been scattered around had formed into something. And during the day he'd agonized over if he should stupidly try to actually do it.

Part of him insisted that all this was just a fantasy. That this plan he was imagining would never work. He had no idea what he was even thinking, and that any attempt at this plan would end in spectacular failure.

But then his other side craved to actually use his tail. He was desperate. Yesterday, he'd only entertained daydreams of using it, but now he was actually making plans to do it.

And his plan? Oh... his plan was a risky one. In his idle online scrolling last night after the party, he'd discovered a group of people in his area who had a Facebook page. And they were into mermaiding.

He pulled up the mermaiding group's Facebook page, and looked at it again. The page said that it was in the area, that they were students at Aspen Ridge High.

It seemed like a perfect solution. He'd be able to be away from anyone that knew him, having relative privacy, and with people like him that were also into swimming with a tail.

However, they weren't like him. Because all the pictures on the page showed only girls. That... would be a problem.

Danny wasn't sure how he felt about just messaging them saying, "I'm a boy that wants to come over to your house where there are a bunch of girls."

In his exploration of everything merfolk, and the hobby of mermaiding online, Danny had learned about what were called "merverts." He found forums where people complained about creepy men and women behaving... questionably around those who were into mermaiding. Whether it was to people on their Facebook or professional mermaids and mermen being approached after performing shows, it seemed like a not uncommon anxiety people in the community dealt with.

The thought of being considered a mervert terrified him. Everyone who knew Danny well knew that he wasn't anything like that kind of person. Danny didn't want anyone to ever feel uncomfortable around him. The act of making people feel bad almost caused him physical pain.

Even if they didn't consider him a mervert, what would he do if he went there? They'd see him with his "chubby chest" and with his girly pink tail, and laugh at him. Even if they were nicer than that, it would still be super awkward, and he'd be the only guy there. Talking to girls made him super nervous, and having so many there would make it feel like they were ganging up on him.

All this brought him to an uncomfortable solution, but one slightly more comfortable than other options. It was stock raving mad, and he'd never imagined himself trying something like this.

He'd go to the mermaiding group, and pretend to be a girl.

If successful, it would finally give him what he'd dreamed about for years. He could live out his bizarre fantasy of being a merperson without feeling embarrassed.

If it failed, it could haunt him for the rest of his life, or worse. His mind imagined up a horrifying scenario in which the girls discovered him, and accused him of some kind of attempted assault or anything. But that didn't seem likely. He'd probably ball his eyes out, and they'd realize that he was just a pathetic child.

If word got out, it could be even worse than people finding out he was interested in mermaids. He was the weird guy that snuck into an all girls group. The people that made fun of him at school would taunt him with it for the rest of high school. Later on in life, it could come back to scourge his career and reputation.

Danny closed his eyes, and took a moment to calm himself, and breathe. He was letting his mind drift to the worst possible scenario. That was irrational. He thought the potential plan through in his mind. He weighed the pros and cons. And he decided to act.

He began to type out a message to the mermaiding group, but stopped. He couldn't go to them from his own Facebook account. That could connect him to all this. What if they took a picture of him swimming, and tagged him in it? It would all blow up in his face.

Danny rubbed his forehead, exasperated. Giving into his secret interest had so many ways it could leak out.

He decided to make a fake account. He began the process, and then came to where he'd need to name his account.

After some pondering on what to go with as a girl name, he decided on Cindy. He thought it sounded nice enough. If he was a girl, that's a name he'd like to have. For a last name, he picked the first thing that went into his head - Martin. A bit generic maybe, but some people had to have that last name.

And so, new account created, Danny messaged them. It was a simply greeting, and he tried to explain who he, or rather, Cindy Martin was, in a way that was hopefully "charmingly awkward."

His finger hovered over the send button for a moment, and he pressed it. The message was now sent. He couldn't take it back now. It was released into the digital world.

Of course, the group hadn't been active for nearly a year. His message may fall on nonexistent ears, or they might check messages infrequently enough, that they might answer months from now, and it wouldn't be as weird if he ignored it.

But there was still the possibility that they might respond. A wonderful, dreadful possibility. Was he prepared to go forward if they responded? He wasn't sure. He'd started thinking about that.

He shivered. He couldn't really go swimming in his normal outfit of swim trunks and a t-shirt. Danny would need to wear a girl's swimsuit. He would no longer be hiding his problem, but in fact putting it on full display.

Danny's heavy thoughts were interrupted by a call to come up for dinner. He got up from his bed, looking back at the message he sent. Once again, his mind was caught up to the dreams he'd imagined time and again.

Sometimes daydreams, sometimes actual dreams at night. But he knew now... he would do anything he could to make them real.