Everything Inbetween

Its Complicated

Somewhere along the line I think I didnt get the memo. When did love become so complicated? The first boy I loved was a jokester who played soccer on cold nights. The last boy I loved had a goofy grin and sang me love songs. When did love become so complicated? I havent been in a relationship in over 2 years. Maybe because I have commitment issues. I was raised in a household where love was pretend. I soon grew up to realize this. Maybe it's because I'm afraid I'll end up just like her, or maybe it's because I was the outcast sibling who never had a father on her birth certificate. Raised by a father whom I had to compete for attention for because he lived in front of television and computer screens. Obsessed with entertainment and distractions so he didnt have to own up to his real life actions. I grew up in a household where love was fake, and attention was scarce. My mother worked endless amount of jobs, struggling to put food on the table for her 4 children, whilst my father played video games and watched television. I was raised in houses that would be better described as broken homes. My mother would bend over backward for me. It's easy to love her, but I sometimes run my fingers across the scars of the memories of the ones I loved a little too much who were a little too undeserving. Like my first crush whom never even knew my name. Or maybe my last relationship who was so focused on his own insecurities he couldn't see he was drowning me. So maybe I have commitment issues. Or maybe I'm just afraid of love because it's become so complicated.