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God. I will only trust myself to one person, and that's Him. The Man I will ever love unconditionally together with my Papa. I guess?
Some would give up on Him, because of the thought that He gave up on them. Some would blame Him for misfortunes and few would say thank you. Fortunately, I'm not one of those ungrateful anymore.
In reality, people create their own misfortunes that they couldn't accept it unless they blame other people with it. We people sin, but less acknowledges that. They try to find their own desirable situation, because people think that they're not enough, that everything wasn't enough. For me, its just the mind trying to play with life, and we stupid people follow it.
We questions things because were stupid not to know or we just refuse to know.
We couldn't accept change because change somehow and sometimes destroy us. I believe that when were destroyed we tend to forget how to move on with change.
Mahirap, kasi tao tayo. We are capable of everything but not every thing. We can have what we want but not what we need.
Just like how my life started to crumble when I was a baby.
My father told me that I wasn't my mothers child when I was five. The mother I know despise me for existing. Dahil bata pa, hindi ko naintindihan iyon.
I craved for motherly love. But it wasn't given to me.
"Bakit mo pa kasi iyan dinala dito?! Nasaan ba ang nanay niyan? Hindi mo ba nakikita na nasasaktan ako!"
It was almost like pleading. Pleading to my father to get rid of me. Umiiyak ako sa labas ng pintuan kung saan ang opisina ni Papa. I know she hates me for existing, I sometimes hate myself too.
"Riri, anong ginagawa mo dyan?" Kuya Angel's voice.
Nang marinig ang sigawan nina Mama at Papa ay agad niya akong kinuha papalayo roon. Even though I was just their half-sibling, they still treated me right. My siblings were the best thing that I have and my Papa. I would consider my mother too, however, whatever I'll do for her, it will never be right for her. She will always hate me.
"Ilang beses ko nang tinuro ito sayo, ha? Nakuha na ni Jaja kung paano magsintas."
I looked at my sister who was the same age with me. Ngumiti sya sa akin pagkatapos ipakita ang kanyang sapatos na maayos nang nakasintas, habang ako ay nahirapan pang itali iyon kaya si kuya Angel na ang nag-ayos para sa akin.
"Sowie kuya."
Hingi ko ng paumanhin. Hindi ako kasing bilis ni Jaja matuto. Katulad nitong pagtali ng sintas.
"Bulol pa sa letrang R. Sabihin mo nga, so-ri." turo ni kuya Angel.
Tumingin lamang ako sa kanyang mukha. Yung hugis ng bibig niyang bumilog pagkatapos ay naging ngiti. Natawa naman sya nang mapansin ang pagkatulala ko.
"Riri, sabi ikaw, SO-RI."
"Sowi."
Umiling-iling lamang sya. Napahawak sa kanyang batok at lumayo na lamang ang tingin. Halatang nahirapan. Ngumuso ako para sa kapatid kong nahihirapan para sa akin.
"Halika na nga. Baka malate pa ako sa inyong dalawa eh."
Tumawa lamang si Jaja at tumayo na dala ang kanyang backpack na naka-sabit sa kanyang likod. Ginaya ko sya. Ngunit sa pagbalak na tumayo ay mabilis akong natumba at unang tumama sa sahig ang aking puwitan. Suminghot ako para mapigilan ang nagbabadyang luha at sipon na lalabas sa aking ilong.
