Corrupted Love - #Soukoku

Chapter 11 - Bittersweet

It has now been three weeks and Chuuya hasn't shown any signs of getting better any time soon. The Detective Agency allowed me to take a break but I can't help getting restless and anxious over Chuuya's state and decided to help them out. I scoffed at the irony of it, me helping out for once? I guess all it had to take to get me serious was to make me anxious. Even though I already spent all my night by his side at Yosano-san's nursing office, I couldn't keep calm nor did the pills help calm the anxiety that threatened to suffocate me. The fear of his body giving in to his ability is giving me nightmares. I can't sleep and I don't have the appetite to eat. How amusing, my anxiety will kill me before all my attempts do. It's usually my own demons that keep me awake at night, those voices were easier to deal with than this gnawing fear in my heart.

"You should rest," Atsushi-kun tells me as he hands me a cup of coffee.

"I'm doing great," I tell him as I put the cup close to my lips, feeling its warmth ooze. The heat coming from the coffee brings me back to that one time at the Port Mafia when Chuuya and I got closer.

"Ugh..." I kept twisting and turning in bed, not able to fall asleep. I should be getting enough sleep before the mission tomorrow, surely the first part of it will just be a train trip but I can't sleep on the train, knowing that I'll have goods worth millions to deliver. "Ugh..." I sat up, angry at myself for not being able to fall asleep. I'll just stay awake, I won't be able to fall asleep at this rate. I grabbed the pillow and angrily threw it towards the wall where the rest of my pillows and cover lay at this point. I leaned back on my now empty mattress. I should get myself new sleeping pills, I'll have to get hold of a bunch without Mori-san knowing. He just takes them away from me for 'safety precautions' as he calls it, I sighed.

*knock knock*

What asshole thinks now is a good time to be chatting with me? I'll just pretend that I'm sleeping.

*Creak.* *Footsteps*

I glanced over at the doorway and grabbed my gun, aiming at whoever entered my room.

"It's me you piece of shit!" Chuuya exclaimed through gritted teeth, making sure not to get too loud, as he let his ability cover his body to protect him from my bullets. I lowered the gun and glared at him.

"I can't sleep," he explained. "I got us some hot chocolate and sandwiches." He said hesitantly while putting the tray on my desk.

"What if I was asleep? Would you stare at me? Creepy."

He shrugged as he picked the cover and pillows up, throwing them on me. He's too quiet.

"Are you scared?"

"Me? No fucking way."

"I am," I admitted.

He only looked at me for a moment, saying nothing.

"We're barely sixteen," he then whispered. "And you're the only one that might understand this, even though you might be part of my fear."

This mission might kill us both and we were indeed young kids and not to mention the fact that none of us knew exactly how much Chuuya's body can take and how much I can save.

"Ane-san wouldn't understand this, she would comfort me but she's used to being here." He sighed as he sat down next to me.

"You could've declined the offer."

"And go where? Back to the Sheep? It's the same, I'm scared of getting backstabbed again."

"You will escape the feeling at some point."

"And I should trust the one who straight out told me that he was scared?"

I giggled at the irony. "Don't you trust me?"

"Not really," he smiled lightly at me as he got up and grabbed the cups of hot chocolate, handing one to me. I found the mistrust comforting at the time. We couldn't trust each other, and yet we sought comfort from the other.

We sat next to each other in silence, quietly sipping on our hot drinks and munching on the sandwiches Chuuya made. I was amazed by how fast he had picked up on what kind of things I liked to eat. He had put the perfect amount of butter and the right size of sliced cheese. As the morning grew closer, we slowly, before we knew it, had wrapped my blanket around the both of us once the warmth of the chocolate left our bodies. I glanced at Chuuya who held the cup between his hands.

"Biologically, sugar won't help you fall asleep," I informed him.

"As far as I recall, you didn't seem up to much sleep. Considering, you know, all your pillows and other things for the bed were found on the ground. Which I on the other hand picked up for you."

"I couldn't sleep."

"Me neither." He looked at me and finally spoke."Do your thing."

"Are you sure?" I asked him as I grabbed his wrists, pinning him down. He nodded as I let my ability flow into him. His eyes rolling back at the overflow of no longer human, leaving his mind blank. There was nothing sexual between us at that time, it gradually got sexual later on, but in the beginning, it was only like that. My ability nullifies abilities, but what happens if you try to nullify an inactive ability is never talked about. What really happens is that you end up nullifying the brain activity, making the person in the scenario get into a state of trance, which then results in some kind of mirrored effect, where the feelings flow back into me, making me lose focus on everything around me. It all ends when I no longer can use my ability due to the overflow, making me unable to continue and too tired to do anything else.

I snapped out of the trance as I no longer could keep no longer human flowing. My grip on Chuuya's wrists tightened as he slowly let the pain wake him up from his own trance. He looked me in the eyes now, as if to assure me that he's back as I collapsed onto him. His arms wrapping around my body and turned me over to his side. We both fell asleep next to each other that night. The first night we slept in each other's arms.

"Dazai-san, Dazai-san, DAZAI-SAN."

I snapped out of my sweet memories as Kunikida-san's voice brought me back to the bitter reality.

"Yosano-san wants you in her office."

I vaguely remember what happened as I got the news. I could remember fragments of voices telling me to calm down as I rushed down to meet Yosano-san. The pictures flashed through my mind as I ran.

stairs. walls. my lungs fighting for air. the sound of my shoes hitting the floor. my coat falling off my shoulders. The door opening. The noise coming from the cardiac monitor. Beep. Beep. Beep. Chuuya. My knees gave out beside his bed. His delicate hand in mine. Yosano-san leaving and closing the door. Chuuya. My eyes finally found his, making the world stop. Everything around me stopped. The only thing I could hear was my own breathing.

"You look like a mess." Chuuya finally broke the silence.

I hugged him. Which must have surprised him. I held him tighter. He leaned his head against me.

"Take me home, Dazai," He whispered.

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Helloooo~

I hope you enjoyed the little twist I added to the story. It sounded better in my head tbh but oh well, no can do.

Happy New Year by the way! I hope y'all followed the restrictions and still enjoyed the day.