War of Hearts

Kabanata 28

Letter

Inuwi kami ni Pao sa Laguna kasama si Cha. Nang makauwi ako'y agad akong nagkulong sa kuwarto. Sabi nila Papa tatlong araw lang ang burol ni Mama dahil nagpasya siyang magbakasyon kami sa Sta. Ana.

I am so tired and drunk. Gusto ko na lang matulog pero kailangan ang presensya ko sa burol ni Mama. Mabuti na lang at naandito sa bahay ang sasakyan ko.

Nagising ako ng ala-syete y media ng umaga dahil sa tawag ni Ae. Ang sabi niya'y dadalaw sila ni Cha sa burol.

I also recieved at text message from Eros saying how sorry he was for kissing me knowing that I have a boyfriend that time. Well now, ex.

I took a deep breath taking all of it at once. I'm going to be okay.

Nagpalit na ako ng damit na kulay black at maong shorts bago tumulak papuntang burol. Pagkarating ko roon ay nakita ko si Papa na kinakausap ang kanyang mga kaibigan na pulis din.

Naroon din si Tita Cecil, at ang mga Tito at Tita ko sa Flores at Lacsamana. Ramdam ko ang tensyon sa pagitan ng dalawang pamilya.

Ever since Mama left, the Flores family doesn't treat the Lacsamana family that well. They knew that it has something to do with Papa's family and up to now, it still remains a mystery to me.

I am curious as to why they're angry at them when in fact Mama was the one who left Papa alone. Hindi ba dapat ang magalit ay ang mga Lacsamana at hindi Flores?

~

Parang hangin kung tumakbo ang oras.

Nailibing na si Mama sa tabi ni Andeng at wala na akong ibang mararamdaman kundi pighati. Seeing the two women who dearly had a place in my life, together buried in the ground is nerve wrecking.

I am guilty for not spending the last month with my Mom. Masyado akong abala sa sarili ko na nakalimutan ko na ang pamilya ko.

I wanted to spend my days with my life and myself. That's what I need right now.

It's already Christmas vacation and it doesn't feel right to celebrate Christmas this year. But who am I to stop celebrating the birth of Christ?

Ang sabi sa akin, Christmas is a time to be with God and celebrate his birth on Christmas day by attending mass. I've been attending masses on Christmas day with my family even if we are incomplete, it's still nice to be with them. Wala namang nabago. Wala namang nawala. Ang presensya ni Mama rito sa lupa, iyon ang nawala.

I went to my Parent's room the night my Mom got buried. Wala si Papa, abala sa trabaho. He said that we'll be spending our Christmas in Visayas which excites me. I need the distraction.

Naupo ako sa dulo ng kama nila. Hinagod ng aking kamay ang lambot nito. Parang dati lang, nasa isang kama lang kami natutulog. Those were the days everything was still alright.

It's so calming to think all the memories we had as a whole family. Bibihira na lang sa panahon ngayon ang buo ang pamilya. It's like a sick trend to have a single parent but what could we do about it?

Tao lang din naman magulang ko. May nararamdaman. Nalulungkot. Nadidismaya. Natatakot. I don't view parents as the most perfect person since they're responsible in shaping the future of their children. I view my parents as realistic as possible. May panahong galit sila sa akin dahil sa mga ginawa ko. Minsan ay sa paningin mo'y mali na ang sinasabi nila ngunit kailangan mo pa rin sundin.

I am not a perfect child. My parents are not perfect either. I love my family no matter who they are or what they become. It's hard to love your enemies, especially your family members who betrayed you. Pamilya pa rin kahit nakakasuka, kahit nakakasawa na.