"Please don't leave...Please don't leave...Please don't leave..." Alex was whispering through his tears against Jack's chest, shaking, his crying had actually picked up the more he thought about everything that's happened to him. Alex wasn't one to have a victim mentality for himself, but in reality, he was a victim of abuse in the form of being abandoned by everyone, his spouse tearing him down time and time again, and generally being let down and kicked to the ground like a bad dog. Someone was always going to leave him, and he firmly believed that.
Jack held him close, "I'm not leaving" He said quietly back. He knew better than to tell anyone to calm down during a panic attack like this one, 'calm down' never worked, and usually only ever made that worse. He'd made that mistake before and had to really, really work hard to take that comment back to get Alex back to a less raging attack.
Alex shook, gripping onto Jack's shirt, "Just don't, please." He was getting louder through his cries, trying so hard to keep himself quiet, but he couldn't. He just couldn't.
Rian looked at Zack when he heard all of this. Normally, they would've taken Mason outside, but considering they were in a moving bus, that wasn't gonna happen.
Zack looked down, "He's not good."
Rian nodded, "I know. He went from being good not even an hour ago, to this. It's scary how his whole mindset can change just like that."
Zack shrugged, "All part of an anxiety slash panic disorder, and major depression with all those manic tendencies he has. It is still scary though. It's weird just watching the switch happen in his body language. Like one minute, he's there, relaxed, happy, then you look away for one second, and when you look back, he's in a whole different world. It's scary..." He looked up at the sound of Alex begging Jack to not leave him. He shook his head, "This shit is not okay dude."
Rian nodded, "I know...He just...switches. It's like, he's Alex one minute, the obnoxious one who just instigates more shit with Jack, and then he's not Alex anymore." He sighed.
"Please...Please...Please..." Alex cried out, holding onto Jack like he was about to get up and leave him right now, and in his mind, that was a completely possible scenario and couldn't let that happen.
"Alex...hey...come on, I'm not going anywhere, come on." He laid them down awkwardly on the little couch, Alex pressed firmly against him, his arms wrapped around Alex, "Shh...It's okay. I'm right here." He pressed a kiss to Alex's forehead, then rested his head against Alex's, trying to get every part of him touching Alex, trying to get the whole sensory thing there, so Alex could feel that he was completely there. He wrapped his legs around Alex's, making sure that Alex was being completely held, almost like he was holding Alex together himself, afraid he'd crumble.
"Why...d-doesn't anyone w-want me?" Alex cried out, face against Jack's chest.
Rian looked at Zack again, this time he had a completely heartbroken expression, a bit sad that the bus was just small enough that you could hear just about everything.
Zack looked down at Mason, then at Rian, "How long has he been holding this shit in?" He asked.
Rian shook his head, shrugging, "I have no idea. Probably for a long time by the sound of it." He thought about everything Alex had talked about over the course of his marriage, up until now, and Alex usually closed off when asked about Taylor. That was a pretty good indicator right there, "He'd never talk about Taylor. We'd ask, and he'd just shut down and do something else. Even before they were married. Anytime they'd argue and Alex would mention that they got into it, we'd try to ask what happened, and he'd say nothing. I'm willing to bet he's been holding all of this in for a good three years dude." He sighed, but smiled at Mason, stacking more blocks onto the little tower he was helping Mason make, that he knocked down with a laugh.
"I wish he would've just said something..." Zack said quietly, picking up some of the blocks that went flying every time Mason knocked over the tower and putting them back into the little pile that Rian had.
"Why would he though? He always tries to fight it, then one thing happens, like one thought in his brain and then he's switched over to this Alex, the one who's terrified of his own shadow."
YOU ARE READING
Band and a Baby(Jalex Fic)
FanfictionAlex's wife leaves him with their 3 month old son, she doesn't want to come back. She doesn't like life, and she wishes she'd never been married or had a child. She wanted to go back to life how it used to be, and she wanted to start fresh. She'd si...
