I.. Is It My Fault?

Chapter 22

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This one gets steamy.
Hope you enjoy the chapter.
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(Rash's pov) Saturday

After I had calmed down, I washed my face in the bathroom and stared at my reflection in the mirror. I should have seen me. But all I could see was a disappointment.
A fag that couldn't bring himself to tell people what he was. A fag that kept himself hidden out of fear of being rejected and having everyone turn on me.
"Stop..." I told myself.
I knew that if I thought like that I'd just make myself feel even worse than I already did, and I didn't want nor need that.
I left the bathroom and and decided to head over to Eli's place. Maybe it'll take my mind off everything. I went down and grabbed my keys before leaving the house. I don't know if anyone noticed, and I don't care. I got in my car and drove out of the driveway. I took the short ride over to the Gilly's place and parked outside. I made sure my face was clear before I stepped out the car.

I walked to the front door and rang the bell. It wasn't long before I was granted by Clay's small smile and his quiet voice.
"Hey Rash." Clay said.
He really was adorable.
"Hey, Clay.."
I tried to keep my voice clear but.. I'm not entirely sure it worked.
"Come in."
I entered and he closed the door.
"We're in Dave's room."
I followed him upstairs and once we were in David's room, I laid on the bed, face first. Well, actually I kinda fell onto it.
"Um.." David confused voice reached my ears.
"What's wrong?" Eli asked.
I didn't reply. I was trying to stop the tears from spilling over again.
I waited for a few minutes before sitting up. This was hurting me more than I wanted it to.
"Rash?" Eli asked, her voice was laced with worry.
I didn't want them to worry.

I had my head lowered and my hands balled into fists on my lap.
"Rash?.." Clay's quiet voice asked.
The bed lowered a bit on the edge. I looked up to Clay.
"I.. I need a hug.."
I knew by his face that I had caught him by surprise. He looked unsure at first, but he nodded. I took his arm, careful not to hurt him as I pulled him onto my lap.
I wrapped my arms around his waist and held his back against my chest. I laid my chin on his shoulder and stared at the bed.
"What happened?" He asked quietly.
"I.." I started, but had to take a slow breath to calm myself down. "Yesterday, when I got home.. My parents were fighting. I've seen it happen loads of times in the past. But, Finn has issues with conflict, so I made sure he was ok. He was freaking out, shaking and panicking and the like. This went on for a while before I'd had enough.. "

"I went down and tried to get them to stop. Some things were said. It turns out that my dad was cheating on my mom. He had been for some time. My parents broke up, and mom threw him out the house. But.. He hit her. She ended up in hospital, nothing major. Just a precaution. But I hit my dad. I hit him so hard he was unconscious. Mom asked us to pack his things up and throw them out. He came by the house this morning, and.. It all just kicked off. I.. I think my brother, Casey blames me for it. Can't exactly say I, disagree."
My voice fell silent and I held Clay tighter. I didn't know I did at first, but I felt him squirm a bit before relaxing. I didn't tell them what happened this morning. They didn't need to know that.
"I'm sorry, Rash." Eli said.
"Yeah, it's tough. You know we're here whenever you need us." David assured him with a small smile.
"Thanks, guys. I just needed to get that off my chest."

"Is your mother ok?" Clay asked.
"Yeah.. Yeah, it wasn't anything serious. The doctor wanted her in overnight in case of a concussion. She's fine. She's just upset about this whole thing."
I felt Clay place his hands over mine and he sank into the hug. He is so precious.
"It's not your fault.." He said quietly.
"Isn't it?" I whispered into his ear, so that only he could hear me.
I didn't want to unload all of my problems on them, but I needed to get something off my chest. It didn't really make me feel any better though. The best thing to do was probably just change the subject. So that's what I did.
"But enough of my problems.. What're you guys doing?"
"I'm crushing Clay on this." Dave said, pointing to the TV on the wall.
"The usual." Eli said when I looked at her.