Haven (A Walking Dead fanfiction)

Chapter 9

The world feels like its falling away around me. The only thing anchoring me from crumbling away with it is the comforting warmth of Daryl's body against mine. We still stand in front of the barn. I'm unable to pull away. I can't bare to turn around and face my brother as he places Andrew on the ground beside Otis' tree. The pain of this loss is so intense that it physically hurts. My chest aches, my lungs burn from the rapid gasps of breathe tearing in and out as I sob. The reality that he's really gone shreds any tiny strand of hope that I had left. Those men took everything from me. My dignity, my faith in humanity, my best friend. They hurt me in ways no will ever understand. The harsh memories of that terrifying day are fresher in my mind than ever. My cries quiet as I lose myself in them. The images as clear as if I'd never left that moment. The unexplainable fear, the smell of Andrews blood splattered on my face as they force me to watch them beat him for entertainment. The sound of Daryl's sweet voice pulls me from the horrors in my mind.

"Hailey?" He whispers gently, his voice kind and softer than I've ever heard it. I pulls away a little so that I can look up at him, blinking away tears as I does. He wipes a few of them from my face tenderly, swiping a few strands of tear soaked hair off my cheeks. I can see the millions of questions dancing around in his eyes, but to my relief all he says is. "I'm here, I'm here okay?" He kisses my forehead as I sniffle. My breathing finally behind returning to normal. The world seemingly falls back in place, the panic of the moment settles as I pull my attention away from myself. I wasn't the only one that lost someone today. Beth's mother and brother were in that barn, Hershel's wife. The Green's family was slaughtered right in front of them. And the poor lost little girl that the whole group had been searching for relentlessly, the little girl that Daryl was looking for when he found me, had stumbled out of the barn right behind Andrew. She'd been the one that grabbed me. A child put down in front of her own mother. Daryl out his entire heart into searching for her, all for it to come to an end this way. All those long hot days scouring the woods for any sign of her...and she was here all along. So much grief...so much loss. All at the hands of my own brother. Shane did this. Anger overpowers my grief. I'd drown in the heartbreak if I let herself, but I won't. I notice Shane charging after Hershel who was just trying to get poor traumatized Beth inside. I pull away from Daryl, a small growl escaping from my throat. Rage burns in my stomach as I sprint towards my brother. He's so busy screaming accusations at Hershel that he doesn't even notice me coming for him. I slam my shoulder into his side with all of might, the momentum of my sprint and the pure hatred I have for him right now giving me the strength to knock him sideways. He doesn't fall but I know I hurt him which was enough for me. He clutches his ribs where my shoulder connected.

"Haven't you done enough?" I scream at him before he even has a chance to speak. Everyone looks at me in shock. "Look around you Shane, look at what you've done!"

"Hailey..." He tries to speak.

"No..I don't want to here some bullshit excuse about how you were just trying to protect us. You think that barn full of walkers was dangerous? That the dead are going to be what takes us down? Look in the mirror Shane! You're the real monster here." Everyone gawks at me, but I know they were thinking it too. Hershel's going to make us leave, we'll be back on the run hunted by the walking dead with no relief. We could have been safe here. Shane doesn't say a word. For once in his life he manages to keep his mouth shut. Maggie gives me a grateful nod as her and Hershel turn away, taking Beth inside. Shane nods slowly, obviously hurt by my words. Then he too turns away, clutching his ribs as he retreats to his tent. Only Rick, Lori, and Daryl remain, none of them are really sure what to say. I turn to them, my eyes still puffy from all of the tears.

"Carl..is he okay? I know seeing Sophia that way couldn't have been easy." I ask Rick and Lori weakly, wanting to change the subject.

"He's a tough kid, he'll be alright." Rick answers quietly. I nod.

"Hailey..." Lori whispers sympathetically. Only Beth knows about Andrew and what happened, and I don't think I'm ready for that to change. Not yet, not with Lori and Rick.

"I'm okay," I answer with a weak smile. "I just..I need a minute...I-uh i think I'm gonna go for a walk." I say awkwardly, running a hand through my hair. Rick and Lori both nod, their faces are full of concern, but they respect my privacy. "I'll see you guys later." I say quietly before walking away. I don't know where I'm going but I can't be here right now. Daryl follows after me, his crossbow hanging over his shoulder.

"Can I come?" He asks. I nod, falling in pace with him, happy to have his company. We walk in a comfortable silence for awhile, both of us lost in our own thoughts. I look over at him and I can tell he's working up the courage to say something. Something he's obviously wary of asking.

"What's on your mind?" I ask him eventually.

"Hm?" He asks caught of guard.

"Come on, what is it?" I ask with a little chuckle, swaying a little so that my arm gently bumps his.

"I just..I was just..um, Hails who was he?" my stomach sinks even though  I knew it was coming.

"His name was Andrew..." I pause working up the courage to continue. "I wasn't alone since the beginning like I told everyone. Andy was my best friend. My parents were killed trying to protect me. I only got away because the dead were chowing down on my family. Shane was no where to be found I was alone and terrified, until Andy found me. I was scavenging food from a local grocery store in all the chaos right before they started blowing up the city. A woman came after me, tried to steal what little I'd managed to get my hands on. Andrew saw and got me out of there. I stayed with him after that. He got me out the city just in time, we kept each other alive for weeks on our own. We were closer than ever. He had the best sense of humor and made sure that I never lost hope..." I pause again. "Until one day our temporary camp was raided by a group of men. Maybe 20 of them. We were helpless against them all. They tied us up, made me watch as they beat him...they enjoyed it...they laughed and taunted us. I screamed, begged for them to stop but that only made it worse. A kid around my age knocked me out with the butt of his gun. When I woke up..." I swallow hard. "When I woke up Andrew was gone. My shirt was torn to almost nothing and my pants hung around my ankles. I was alone and exposed and used...I was so hurt and angry. My head was bleeding pretty bad, probably saved my life tho. They must've thought i was dead. I doubt they would have left me behind otherwise. I was on my own after that. I didn't mean to lie...I just I couldn't handle facing the truth. I couldn't look my brother, or Lori, or Rick in the eye again if they knew...I'm sorry." I look over at Daryl, desperate to see his reaction. Terrified he'd see me differently. His jaw and fists are clenched so tightly that his knuckles are white. I wait anxiously for him to speak, the only sound the grass swishing under our feet as we walk. Finally he speaks.

"Don't you dare apologize. Not to me...not to anyone." He replies. "They better pray they never cross my path. I swear to you I'll kill every last one of them." He growls angrily. He doesn't look at me with disgust or pity or anger for lying. Instead his eyes are full of hurt, like hearing about my pain hurts him too. I stop walking, grabbing his hand so that he stops too. He turns to face me, not dropping my hand. I look up at him with big sad eyes. My heart aches but with more than just grief, I'm so grateful for him. I drop his hand, wrapping my arms around his waist, resting my head against his chest. He holds me, kissing the top of my head.

"Thank you." I say, so quietly I'm not even sure if he heard me.

"I promise you, I'll do everything in my power to make sure no one ever hurts you again. Not those men, and sure as hell not Shane." I pull away just far enough so that I can look up at him, caressing his cheek as I do. There are no words, nothing I could possibly say to express how amazed I am by him, how relieved and safe he makes me feel. So I don't speak. I lean up, kissing him. Letting the way our lips dance together express all the unspoken emotion that words fail to convey. His hands tangle in my hair, pulling me closer and in this moment all the pain, all the grief..it drifts away. And even now after everything I'd seen, everything I'd gone through today I find peace in his touch. I let the safety of his closeness melt away everything else, wishing that it will never go away.